Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum excluding me from group meet-ups

146 replies

Neapolitanicecream · 27/10/2019 09:04

I was part of a group of 6 mums that met-up regularly. Everyone seems really friendly, I didn’t get on with one of the mums partners, never said anything, turns out they are no longer together. But she appears to have manipulated the others to exclude me from the group, I did ask I ofthe ladies why and said I made her feel uncomfortable! But everyone is nice to me if i bump into shopping. But I’m definitely excluded from the group, I feel sad about as I thought I got on with a couple really well. I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “ I was unsure what that means. I asked another if the would ask the administrator to include me in the WhatsApp group and she said No . I feel sad we are all in late 40’s.

OP posts:
MRex · 27/10/2019 18:49

@MyKingdomForBrie - what do you mean by "vendetta"? That makes no sense. I've explained why someone going through a divorce might be having a hard time, what bit of that didn't you agree with? Answer the specific questions I posed, that might help.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2019 19:00

@Mrex it makes perfect sense in the context of the language you are using and the aspersions you are casting. Of course she is going to be upset if her husband is a sleaze/they have split up/whatever has happened but only a nasty person would take that out on an innocent party which the OP entirely is. They were part of a group WhatsApp thread and now no one will talk to the OP, like a pathetic bunch of 12 year olds in the play ground.

You are using misogynistic language like accusing the OP of 'gossiping' simply for reporting her feelings to her friend after a nasty experience. I'm simply pointing out that you're coming at this with an unpleasant and unfair bias.

managedmis · 27/10/2019 19:01

How can you give a shit about this at your age?

bakesalesally · 27/10/2019 19:56

@managedmis that's a bit uncalled for. I think we all get hurt from rejection regardless of our ages and falling out with 'friends' is just awful.

Goldenbear · 27/10/2019 20:16

Op, did you tell your husband?

Goldenbear · 27/10/2019 20:20

The Op clearly described a situation where she was the victim. I think they are blaming you OP and the others just agree like sheep.

Original poster
Neapolitanicecream · 27/10/2019 21:03

No I didn’t tell my husband

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 27/10/2019 21:13

OP, did you tell the friend what he actually did? Or just that he made you uncomfortable?

undeadmedicstudentmum · 27/10/2019 21:21

Wow they sound vile! Some people just never grow upConfused

I really hope you find some other, lovely, friends who actually value you

MintyMabel · 28/10/2019 07:25

Omg it sounds as if this woman is a bitch.

Does it, though? If the OP is a pain in the backside, was part of some woman’s break up, stalking them, or maybe she is known to the group as a gossip or a troublemaker - then MN would definitely have advised the other mum to stand up for herself and say “why would I invite you out” or something similar.

You only have one side of a story and yet are ready to brand someone a bitch because they didn’t want to go out with OP.

MRex · 28/10/2019 10:08

@MyKingdomForBrie - you keep minimising the feelings of the woman who's getting divorced, why is that? OP was supposed to be her friend, but didn't speak to her directly about the incident and spoke to another friend instead. So.She would have left her oblivious to his behaviour, can you not imagine the humiliation that poor woman felt? So she says to her (real) friends "I don't want to be in a group with her, sorry". They could have had two groups going, but they decided they also didn't like OP's behaviour. Since they are involved and heard more of what was actually said than we did, there may be other nuances, but still there's nothing to say the woman divorcing is "nasty", more likely she's just having a hard time.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/10/2019 17:34

@MRex this is pointless, we are never going to agree. I do not think the wife's misplaced anger which should be directed towards her dh has any right to be directed to the OP, and that the OP has been cruelly and unfairly excluded for being the victim of a sleazy guy. I believe her. Why don't you?

MzHz · 28/10/2019 17:41

I wonder if the H (ex H of the mean girl) alluded to OP having made a pass at HIM... in case SHE told her H and it all kicked off...

FelicisNox · 28/10/2019 17:43

This isn't a one woman problem: it doesn't matter what one person has said. The others are adults and should rise above petty individual issues so clearly you are persona non grata to the whole group.

Move on, find nicer people to be friends with. Why would you want to be friends with that bunch of witches anyway? X

Witchend · 28/10/2019 17:54

I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “ I was unsure what that means

I'm wondering how this conversation went. Because if I want to meet up with someone, I either say to them "Do you want to meet up?" or I phone/text them and say the same thing. I don't say "Hey, I'd like to meet up. Give me a ring and I'll discuss it". If I'd been trying to get hold of them I might leave a message saying roughly "trying to get hold of you, and keep missing you. Would you like to meet up? What about X time, X place. Let me know."
I would find it odd if someone asked me to call them because they wanted to meet up. If you're wanting to meet up, then you do the running around.
That may be why she had that reaction. Not that she minded meeting up with you, but the assumption that she'd be so keen that she would ring you to arrange it.

OhDeari · 28/10/2019 18:12

Definitely sounds like you're the scarlet woman of the picture here.

Bluerussian · 28/10/2019 18:14

Find different friends. You don't need these ones.

ffswhatnext · 28/10/2019 18:19

Yea I wouldn't want to be mates with you either.
If my partner came onto one of my mates, I would want the friend to come directly not gossip. Same with if someone came onto me I would tell the partner.
It wouldn't be forgotten about until I decided to share some 'juicy' gossip.

ffswhatnext · 28/10/2019 18:26

I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “ I was unsure what that means

I missed this bit. You want to meet, you call me and arrange something. So yea why would I is more than a suitable response, and this would include laughter. Not at you, but at the suggestion. I've never met someone though who would ask me to do this

Drabarni · 28/10/2019 18:29

OP, move on and find other friends.
I hate groups and have never been involved mainly because a group of women together are shit and bitch about each other, or if work group do those about work and colleagues.
Join a group and find a like minded friend and don't contact this other group again.

Chloe8823 · 28/10/2019 18:31

They sound nasty cows. Hold your head up and forget them and make new friends

purityjonesrockedmyworld · 28/10/2019 18:38

Women are sometimes crazy (I am a woman too). I had wondered why I was never included in a particular mix of friends when they got together (for a few years). I eventually found out it was because I didn’t like one of them!? I mean who knew! The truth is I have only spoken other than a passing in the street ‘hello’ to that person twice and can honestly say not enough to form an opinion. I wanted to ask why that was the perception but then just assumed it was because they wanted it that way. Maybe their right and we wouldn’t get on but now we’ll never know as I am not a child and can’t be bothered with it all

Lovemenorca · 28/10/2019 18:38

What I don't understand here is the drip feed. Why was the first post full of false naivety? It is obvious to all why these women are no longer friendly with the OP.

Agreed. And the OP’s style may be an additional reason why she is not being included ie not particularly nice!

Interestedwoman · 28/10/2019 18:57

So sorry this has all happened to you, when it was a man who was a sleazeball and nothing you did :( xxxxx On to meet new people I suppose, when you're ready. xx

Jack80 · 28/10/2019 19:00

Sod them make other friends