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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be nervous of friend's dog coming on holiday with us

141 replies

Yesanothernamechange · 26/10/2019 19:06

We've mentioned to a few friends that we have just had a great holiday in a particular holiday park in Europe and that we are returning next year, in case they were interested in coming along too. One of the group, who is absolutely lovely and who we have known for 20 years, has expressed an interest in joining us but have said they would like to bring their dog along.

DD is terrified of dogs, having had a nasty experience with another big dog. Even if she were not, my friend's dog is a rottweiler, and to be absolutely honest, I'm not very keen myself on this breed of dog hanging around with my DDs (one of whom is a toddler and the other of whom can herself can get a bit over-excited when playing and sometimes has to be told to stop shrieking etc).

I appreciate that my friend is perfectly within her rights to have this dog and to take him to anywhere which allows dogs, but I also feel that I would probably avoid encounters with this breed when out and about, in parks, etc I have explained to her that DD is very nervous of dogs and asked whether it would be ok if we were to get houses which were not directly next to each other. Was I rude? She hasn't replied and I am wondering whether I've caused offence, but even if I have, I'm not sure what else I could reasonably have done. What would you have done? I appreciate that the unknown occupants of the cottage next door might also have a big dog, but DD wouldn't be playing with the kids there, so we probably wouldn't encounter it that much.

OP posts:

crosser62 · 26/10/2019 19:13

Oh no, I would seriously reconsider going on holiday with this person and her dog.
It would be full of severe anxiety and fear for me so I couldn’t relax , it wouldn’t be a holiday for me so just wouldn’t go.
Wouldn’t fall out with this friend, if she is a very good friend she would understand but I do find that dog owners cannot ever understand why anyone would dislike or be frightened of their dog.

Drum2018 · 26/10/2019 19:20

I'd actually work with your dd to help her overcome her fear of dogs - that will be more beneficial to her in the long run. I had to do it as an adult and it filtered through to my own dd who was terrified - she's better with dogs than I am now. Find a dog trainer or a dog shelter who may be willing to work with your dd, gradually introduce her to different breeds and help her understand their expressions/stance etc. That way by the time the holiday comes around she should be more relaxed around dogs.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/10/2019 19:25

I do know some lovely Rottweilers but that doesn't help if you're worried about this one.

You weren't rude at all not wanting to be right next to each other, but it's a good idea to help your DD to build up some coping strategies in advance. It's not fair (I love my tiny dog so I am probably biased) but it will be easier for her if she is comfortable with dogs out and about.

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/10/2019 19:25

Even if it was a truly soft well behaved and socialised dog it will be a very different holiday if someone brings a dog. Dogs can rarely be left alone in holiday accommodation so any trips out together will likely be with this dog. So meals out, trips to attractions, walks to the park - likely with this dog or not with the friend. Are you prepared for how that will impact on your holiday if you say I want to go out without the dog today what will happen? Also, you have to be a whole new level of vigilant whenever you are with the dog too. Lots to think about.

Mumdiva99 · 26/10/2019 19:26

You are perfectly within your rights. No way would my DH and my DD want to he anywhere near dogs. I don't mind them but it's their holiday too. just as it's your DD holiday. Gosh mine freezes if a dog walks towards her.... Let alone mixing socially with one. -- There is no need for you to 'have to get her used to dogs'. That will happen when she's ready to do it.

CalmdownJanet · 26/10/2019 19:30

You weren't rude in the slightest. I'd personally have said "It's a lovely place you should definitely go but dd has a fear of dogs and to honest neither she or us will relax and that's exactly what I go on holidays to do so we'll do our own thing this time"

Spied · 26/10/2019 19:32

I think she may see it as you being rude yes. You should have really thought about the dog before you invited them along.
At least you've been honest.
I wouldn't be happy to go with her if I was truthful. A dog will ruin the holiday- I say that as a dog owner.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2019 19:34

What are the rules regarding dogs where you're renting? Most places don't allow dogs to be left unattended at any time. This would mean the dog would be going along everywhere you go. I would not be happy about that, children or not. It will change the whole dynamic of your holiday.

Myotherusernameisshy · 26/10/2019 19:38

I love dogs, we have dogs ourselves but don’t take them on holiday. We went away with very good friends who insisted on bringing their dog and even though he is quite well behaved it was a total pita. As op have said he couldn’t be left unattended so they expected us to plan all our trips out and meals around dog friendly places. That wore thin very quickly so by day four we were just sharing a house with them and doing our own thing. Rubbish holiday all round.

Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 26/10/2019 19:39

Many holiday places in Europe have rules about which dogs you can bring. In Spain for example Rottweilers are not allowed as they are on their dangerous dog list.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/10/2019 19:43

Gosh no, as people are pointing out, bringing a dog even were your dd not frightened would completely change the dynamic. I say this as a dog owner. Your friend is agreeing to come along knowing you have a child then trying to impose her dog on you.

SinglePringle · 26/10/2019 19:44

I’m a dog owner and of a large-ish breed (albeit one known for being very family friendly and - annoyingly - one that makes toddlers and above make a bee-line for her. They think she’s going to be a teddy bear. Fortunately, she’s extremely tolerant and responsive to my training so just sits and waits for my command. But still... some kids need to be controlled. But I digress...) and I would completely understand if you wanted to take a villa separate / set apart from mine if DDog was coming on the holiday. No offence would be taken here.

Jaxhog · 26/10/2019 19:45

Noooooo! Of course, your friend is allowed to take her dog on holiday. Just as you are allowed to not want her and her dog on holiday with you.

Tbh, I like dogs but would also say no to a Rotweiller.

YukoandHiro · 26/10/2019 19:47

Not at all unreasonable. I would tell her ASAP that if she's planning to come with you and your kids then no dog.

Duck90 · 26/10/2019 19:48

Do you know that she will let the dog run around with the child?

Personally I would safe guard my dog from the children 😉

Sagradafamiliar · 26/10/2019 19:53

Definitely nbu

fireworksandhotdogs · 26/10/2019 19:56

I would definitely not want to go on holiday with a Rottweiler! Not in a million years. I also wouldn't take any dog on holiday you'd be severely restricted.

frostedviolets · 26/10/2019 20:03

I can't say I've ever met a Rottweiler anything other than lovely but if your DD is frightened of dogs it is utterly unreasonable to even contemplate a holiday where she'll be with one pretty much 24/7 (as PPs have said, they can't be left unattended) in my opinion.

BarbarAnna · 26/10/2019 20:06

I don’t think you were rude to ask not to be next door to them. Some people who have replied are a bit OTT though saying the dog will ruin the holiday. Whatever happens, it would be worth trying to get your DC to overcome their fear. Presumably you cannot currently visit your friend due to your child’s fear and they cannot visit with their dog? I used to have a lovely dog and it was a major problem when friends kids used to flap about being terrified.

Prisonbreak · 26/10/2019 20:07

I’ve owned a Rottweiler and he was the most gentle soul. He passed a few years ago and I will never have a more loyal companion. You are being unreasonable to judge the breed based on stereotypes. Humans are far more dangerous creatures than dogs.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 26/10/2019 20:12

Do they have children the same age as yours? If the dog hasn't grown up with children I would be wary, but if it's grown up with children, it would be used to shrieking, tail pulling and ear tugging. Not that you should let your kids do that.
If they are in a different house, even if next door, it shouldn't be an issue. The dog isn't running free outside and you don't have to let your kids play next door unsupervised. It might also help your DC overcome their fear.

Serin · 26/10/2019 20:17

Just tell them that tour daughter is dog phobic and therefore you cant expect her to put up with one on holiday.
YABU to judge the dog just for being a rottweiler though. They are usually the dopiest, daftest of things.

heartsonacake · 26/10/2019 20:19

YANBU. There’s absolutely no way I would go on holiday with a Rottweiler, child in tow or not.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2019 20:36

I would check with the site to see if they even allow Rottweilers. That might solve the problem for you.

Lotsie · 26/10/2019 20:37

Hi, OP. Just wanted to add another response confirming that Rottweilers are an extremely loving, caring dog breed. You are more likely to be licked to death by this breed than you are bitten or the like, so please don't be put off by that in particular.

You said you would personally avoid this particular breed in a park which make me think that you also have a bit of a dog phobia? Forgive me if I'm wrong. Just to give you another perspective perhaps you could see this as an opportunity to introduce dogs in a controlled environment with your friend who hopefully as a dog owner will be sympathetic to both of your fears. A fear of dogs can be quite debilitating and childhood is a great time to tackle that fear. Watching your friend play with her dog, your daughter being allowed to hold the lead, take it for walks etc while on holiday could help her understand that dogs are not to be feared. Learning to understand dog body language and how to approach them would also be something this could provide you - which would also limit the chances of any negative encounters in the future.

I don't think you are being unreasonable in what you said to your friend, as your daughter has a phobia and you are perhaps not a dog lover. But she is also not unreasonable in my opinion for wanting to bring the dog, assuming it is as well mannered and loving as all the other Rottweilers I have met. I hope you manage to reach a resolution you are both happy with!

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