To be nervous of friend's dog coming on holiday with us

[Yesanothernamechange]

We've mentioned to a few friends that we have just had a great holiday in a particular holiday park in Europe and that we are returning next year, in case they were interested in coming along too. One of the group, who is absolutely lovely and who we have known for 20 years, has expressed an interest in joining us but have said they would like to bring their dog along.

DD is terrified of dogs, having had a nasty experience with another big dog. Even if she were not, my friend's dog is a rottweiler, and to be absolutely honest, I'm not very keen myself on this breed of dog hanging around with my DDs (one of whom is a toddler and the other of whom can herself can get a bit over-excited when playing and sometimes has to be told to stop shrieking etc).

I appreciate that my friend is perfectly within her rights to have this dog and to take him to anywhere which allows dogs, but I also feel that I would probably avoid encounters with this breed when out and about, in parks, etc I have explained to her that DD is very nervous of dogs and asked whether it would be ok if we were to get houses which were not directly next to each other. Was I rude? She hasn't replied and I am wondering whether I've caused offence, but even if I have, I'm not sure what else I could reasonably have done. What would you have done? I appreciate that the unknown occupants of the cottage next door might also have a big dog, but DD wouldn't be playing with the kids there, so we probably wouldn't encounter it that much.

@Yesanothernamechange
You’re presuming a lot regards jumping up etc about your friends dog. Are you taking any steps to overcome your DDs fears or she going to have a lifelong fear?
@Duck90 makes a good point regards kids grabbing dogs, it works both ways.
I think allowing any child to grow up with a fear is pretty lacking in parenting, if they went swimming and were scared would that be it? Never learn to swim?

Very disappointing the amount of ignorance and discrimination against one breed, you’re more likely to be bitten by a Labrador than a Dottie.

I think you mean a Rottie? You are far more likely to be bitten by a Rottie than a Labrador. Clearly you have no idea how dog bite statistics are compiled, which is via insurance claims.

Labradors are the dog of choice for the middle classes, who insure them. Rotties have a more mixed sort of ownership and are less likely to be insured, hence there are fewer insurance claims to show up on the statistics.

In the US Rotties are second only to pit bulls in the Fatal Dog Attacks by Breed statistics from 2005 to 2017. Just over 65 per cent of fatal dog attacks were carried out by pit bulls, followed by Rotties at just over ten per cent.

www.dogsbite.org/dog-bite-statistics-multi-year-fatality-report-2005-2017.php

Perhaps you should think before accusing others of ignorance and discrimination. I wouldn't want my child going on holiday with a Rottie.

My daughter is also scared of dogs. It really annoys me when dog owners expect her to get over her fear

Dog owner.
I appreciate some people are frightened and do have sympathy, my dog doesn't approach strangers but I have to admit I find it both irritating and anxiety inducing when a person (has been both adults and children in the past) is far, far away from my dog and reacts to the sight by screaming at the top of their lungs, flailing arms, running and hiding.

That isn't because I am a cold hearted cow but because that behaviour is unsettling for my dog and although my dog personally has only ever had a bit of a WTF expression a lot of dogs will respond by either misinterpreting it as a cue to play, hence more screaming and difficulty in retrieving said dog or they will become very anxious and freaked out and show that by barking and growling.

I think dog owners sometimes appear cold and uncaring around dog phobic people when really they are anxious that their dog is going to get upset and behave in a frightening and/or embarrassing way.

And I do think as well, that if we are talking about a very severe phobia, the screaming flailing sort, that absolutely will have a massive impact on day to day life if steps are not taken to fix it.

btoellner.typepad.com/kcdogblog/2010/03/the-truth-behind-dogsbiteorg.html
adbadog.com/truth-behind-dogsbite-org/
Check your facts before regurgitate google crap, Dogsbite has been discredited.

Labradors are the dog of choice for the middle classes, who insure them. Rotties have a more mixed sort of ownership and are less likely to be insured, hence there are fewer insurance claims to show up on the statistics

Actually, the statistics always reflect the most popular breeds at the time.
Labradors are consistently at the top along with spaniels and German Shepherds because they are consistently overall the most popular breeds.

Dachshunds recently made the top statistics, that isn't because dachshunds are inherently awful, it's because they are so popular.

I fully expect to see the cockerpoo in the top statistics soon, again, due to their popularity.

I think allowing any child to grow up with a fear is pretty lacking in parenting

Children who have a fear of dogs usually have that fear for a reason - because they have been bitten or jumped on by dogs whose owners are pretty lacking.

My daughter has a fear of dogs and while I don't encourage it I prefer it that way as it keeps her safe. It's children who are encouraged to love dogs and hug them that end up getting mauled.

Not everyone likes dogs. Not everyone has to like dogs. We really would prefer it if you kept your dogs to yourself.

Nope tell her she can't bring her dog if she is holidaying with you. I'm sure there are lots of dog friendly places she can go on her own.

My daughter has a fear of dogs and while I don't encourage it I prefer it that way as it keeps her safe. It's children who are encouraged to love dogs and hug them that end up getting mauled

It only keeps them safe if they know to keep calm and ignore.
I'm not for one minute saying it's the child fault, it's awful to be terrified of something, but most dog phobic children do not keep calm and ignore.
They run, hide, scream, flap about.
And that can be dangerous.

You can’t stop your friend going, you haven’t met the dog. You might find he’s adorable, all the Rottweilers I’ve ever met have been gorgeous. You weren’t rude to your friend, but I think you could have phrased it better and how does having a house one away help?

@wheats
Have a word with yourself if you think raiding a child to be fearful is good. A parent is meant to raise a capable independent person capable of making decisions not someone living in fear, poor child.
And prefer you keep checking facts instead of the crap you copy from google and believe that some crackpot posted.

wheat IN my observation/experience the children who fear dogs have only witnessed their parents fear. As I know these parents, I also know their fear is not down to actually being at risk from a dog. (I appreciate some people have genuine experiences, but your comment states that something physical has happened to all children who fear dogs).

@frostedviolets
Good point, these hysterical kids are god awful

Good point, these hysterical kids are god awful

I do not blame the children.
I have a lot of sympathy for people who are fearful, it must be absolutely horrific to be paralysed with fear like that.

What I am saying, is that that response (and I know the child can't help it) is dangerous and the reason why dog walkers probably seem cold and uncaring towards it is because they are worried that their dog will respond badly to the persons reaction.

When I see a reaction like that I am irritated and anxious not because I think the person is silly or anything, I feel very sorry for them.

I am irritated and anxious because I am worried that my dog may react badly to what she perceives as unusual behaviour.

@duck90 both my kids fear dogs. One bad experience for one child but the fear predated this. I love dogs and owned BIG dogs. Bigger the better. Go figure.

science “go figure” what? I was talking about my observation on my network. I do realise that there are variables. No idea how your family have ended up with fear of dogs, only you can work that out.

YADNBU.

I had a terrible fear of dogs as a kid, and I wouldn’t have enjoyed my holiday one bit I’d there had been a massive dog on holiday with us.

And how could anyone dream of putting the rights of a dog-owning adult above a child on holiday?

It's a seperate property on a site that clearly allows dogs, your friends dog is probably the least of your problems there.

I love dogs, we trained guide dog puppies all through my childhood and I'd get a dog in a heartbeat if my dm didn't turn up with a cat present for the dd's

But I'm very wary of dogs. Dogs DO terrify me. I'm very blase around them but always switched on and aware, I think cause dd3 is terrified of some dogs. Friends akita she is totally fine, other friends frenchie she's a crying hiding mess.

I was once on the park with my dog. She is a very sensible 10 year old lab x, who is excellent with children. Two young children asked me if they could stroke her and I said yes. Their granny told them to come away, saying “don’t touch that dog, it will bite you”. This is why children become afraid of dogs.

I wouldn’t want the irritation of a dog on holiday regardless of breed/fear issues. It will be worse than a toddler in terms of having to plan everything around it.

It doesn't matter if you think OP shouldn't have mentioned the breed or not.

What is important is that her D is terrified of dogs. Why would you think it's ok to spend a week in a guaranteed situation that what scares you will be there.

If you're scared of spiders would you spend a week in a house that had tarantulas etc in tanks or let you friend bring some in the apartment where your staying. Would you expect to be told to get over it. What's wrong with spiders. Pick one up. Or gently touch one. No you wouldn't. But a large animal you expect her to just get over it. Learn to get over the fear.

The OP is completely right and her friends are being ridiculous thinking it's ok to bring their dog on a joint holiday knowing that someone is terrified of it. Put the dog in kennels , enjoy a week or so together.

I don’t know why some people on here are very unsympathetic towards a fear of dogs. I know adults with fears of heights, spiders, enclosed spaces, lifts, rollercoasters, Halloween masks, fireworks, wasps etc. Not everyone is totally fearless.

Is it because the expectation is that everyone should like dogs? I certainly don’t.

I dunno but I've noticed it before on here. As you say, plenty of different people are scared of plenty of different things and them being scared of things doesn't affect others.

I guess dog people think that pet dogs are necessary so everyone needs to be happy to be around them. They genuinely don't understand people who aren't interested in dogs, people who don't feel a need to interact with dogs and people whose lives are not improved by people around them having dogs.

The 'my dog wouldn't hurt a fly' brigade are out in force i see.

‘The 'my dog wouldn't hurt a fly' brigade are out in force i see.’

I know, I find this annoying. At the end of the day they are animals, perfectly capable of causing harm. I don’t allow my cat near my toddler even though he’s never scratched anyone before.

A friend once had a German Shepherd cross, he was lovely to everyone (though I always stayed well clear). Until he had a brain tumour that caused him to lash out and maul her brother. Luckily her brother was 17 at the time and 6ft2 so he could fend off the attack, a child might not have been so lucky.