To be nervous of friend's dog coming on holiday with us

[Yesanothernamechange]

We've mentioned to a few friends that we have just had a great holiday in a particular holiday park in Europe and that we are returning next year, in case they were interested in coming along too. One of the group, who is absolutely lovely and who we have known for 20 years, has expressed an interest in joining us but have said they would like to bring their dog along.

DD is terrified of dogs, having had a nasty experience with another big dog. Even if she were not, my friend's dog is a rottweiler, and to be absolutely honest, I'm not very keen myself on this breed of dog hanging around with my DDs (one of whom is a toddler and the other of whom can herself can get a bit over-excited when playing and sometimes has to be told to stop shrieking etc).

I appreciate that my friend is perfectly within her rights to have this dog and to take him to anywhere which allows dogs, but I also feel that I would probably avoid encounters with this breed when out and about, in parks, etc I have explained to her that DD is very nervous of dogs and asked whether it would be ok if we were to get houses which were not directly next to each other. Was I rude? She hasn't replied and I am wondering whether I've caused offence, but even if I have, I'm not sure what else I could reasonably have done. What would you have done? I appreciate that the unknown occupants of the cottage next door might also have a big dog, but DD wouldn't be playing with the kids there, so we probably wouldn't encounter it that much.

OP I am the most dog friendly person you could meet, I don’t think I have any friends who don’t like dogs ? But if I did I certainly wouldn’t take my dog on holiday with them

I fact I don’t think I’d take him on holiday with other people at all even if they loved dogs - far too restricting. I’d take him on holiday myself with my family but we are used to having to work around him. Unfair on everyone otherwise

I would not want t do this TBH! (I have a gorgeous Dalmatian girl) but feel a holiday with dogs is very restrictive .Also many holiday parks do not accept certain breeds of dogs anyway .I know some people with Rotties and they are lovely .However the fact that you would be abroad in a possibly hot country ,with a dog in unfamiliar territory with 2 young children is not wise ! Just say to your friend that your children are not used to dogs and you would not be able to relax !

I wouldn't take my toddler on holiday with a dog I didn't know well. Some dogs - yes, fine, because I know them and their owners, but not a rottweiler I'd never met before.

Does she know that rotties are a banned breed in much of europe? Might be a non starter.

Plus, id just say that your dd is terrified of dogs so while you are happy to holiday with her, if shes taking the dog, youll have to do it seperatly

Personally, I wouldn’t go on holiday with someone who insisted on bringing their dog (nothing to do with the breed or the dog). Presumably, she can’t leave the dog there alone so you’ll be stuck dragging a dog around everywhere you go. If you don’t plan to spend much time with her, fine, but otherwise you’ll be restricted in what you can do as dogs can’t come to lots of things that would be appropriate for small children.

Urgh this is a really difficult one. On one hand, it think it's a good idea to help your kids become comfortable with dogs, and its true that there are some nice rottweilers around.

On the flip side, its your holiday and should be a stress tree experience, and let's face it, rightly or wrongly a rottweiler is going to feel scarier than a golden retriever.

I think your suggestion was perfect - do the holiday together but with distance between your houses. I doubt she will be offended. Surely if you have a rottweiler/pitbull/doberman/staffie you know that its unfair but there is public prejudice towards these dogs and expect it.

If I were her I would be a little disappointed but also not surprised or hurt

I don't understand the attraction of owning a dog that large parts of society find menacing

Is it literally a way of saying 'dont fuck with me'?

Why not use the opportunity to help her get over her fear? I mean in advance of the holiday, rather than on the holiday itself. Do you live near this person, so that you can visit the dog? Dogs are everywhere. It's not going to be helpful for her in the long run to blithely accept that she's scared of them.

@Vulpine In fairness Rottweilers are beautiful. And staffies are very sweet looking IMO

Mostly pet friendly accommodation is in its own section, it's highly unlikely for you to be together. You need to work on her fear because dogs are everywhere. We were minding our own business at a dog friendly restaurant, dog asleep under the table, when we went to go the man on the next table (who obviously hadn't realised our soppy creature was) started to yell at us that his dd was scared (kid seemed fine, dog on lead, very apologetic waiter who knows us) adults need to teach and model appropriate behaviour.

I actually wouldnt take my kids on holiday with someone elses dogs if i didnt know those dogs extremely well. And I have dogs and love dogs.
I definitely wouldnt take the risk. Especially with a powerful breed.
For instance, i trust our staffie very much with our children, but i wouldnt take chances with kids outside "the pack" . Visiting children who arent part of the regular pack are the ones commonly attacked by a dog.

Two things: it's a shame your Dd is terrified of dogs as it's hard to go through life totally avoiding them.

Secondly- your friend needs to check the rules for taking her dog: in France (and Spain I think) Rottweilers are classed as dangerous guarding dogs (class 2) and have to be kept leashed and muzzled in public. Also many campsites and holiday parks wont accept class 1 or 2 dogs.

I'd be thrilled - one friend has a full Rottie (and 3 kids under 8), and another has their second RottiexLab.

Awesome dogs, and if you were interested in dealing with your child's anxiety over them, I couldn't think of a better dog to have around.

However, you are just as entitled to not want the dog there as they are to want their dog with them....

I love dogs and I have only ever met nice rottweilers BUT even if you loved dogs and rottweilers it would ruin your holiday. Would you be expected not to go to certain beaches or the pool or out for dinner? Day trips? If you don't want to be blunt to your friend then these reasons are enough alone. If she doesn't rethink then yes, be blunt. Its your holiday too.

I actually (as the owner of both toddlers and dogs) would not take my dogs on holiday with other people's children - particularly if they're not used to being around dogs and likely to be loud, shrieking and hysterical around them. I think your friend needs to reconsider, it isn't fair on the dogs at all.

I am a dog owner and I would never take my dogs on holiday with other people if someone in the group is uncomfortable with dogs.

Also, fear is no joke and your DD needs to be able to address her fears with a stable, reliable pooch. You've said that you haven't met this dog so I would be wary about how the dog is with people/children in general as dogs have various ways of saying hello!

Our two dogs are so different to each other, even though they are trained the same. One dog will bark on meeting someone (which could be scary to someone not familiar with dogs) but will then meander over and sit patiently for fusses, whereas the other will fling herself excitedly across the room to someone and then hardly be able to contain herself for fusses. We always warn new people about how they greet new people and if uncomfortable we would put the dogs in a different room so people don't have to put up with that (yes, even in our own home). Funnily enough, people tend to take better to the one that barks than the overexcited one.

If your friend is bringing her dog I think it would be important to know the following:
Does the dog jump up at people?
How does the dog like to play? Our excited girl is really calm when playing fetch for example, she will bring the ball and sit patiently waiting for it to be thrown again so it's brilliant for children to play with her as it stops her bouncing around so much. Whereas our other dog prefers tug which to an outsider can look more aggressive as she can be vocal when playing.
Is the dog prone to becoming over excited? (Giddy dogs can be just as scary especially large breeds)
Is the dog a Barker? (Also can be scary)
How does the dog cope in new situations? Is the dog likely to bark at passers by/other dogs?
Does the dog walk well on lead? (You might go places where leads are necessary)

None of these are breed specific but I think owners are so quick to say their dog isn't aggressive that they forget some non-aggressive traits can seem really scary, especially to small children.

YANBU for wanting your DD to enjoy her holiday (and you to not feel on edge the entire time). If I was your friend I would not feel offended in the slightest if you asked me not to take my dog, I'd be mortified if I caused your DD any distress while she was supposed to be enjoying herself.

Don’t appreciate the negativity of a Rottweiler.
I grew up with them and have had them my whole life, wonderful dogs.
I would work with your daughter on fear free interactions, pets as therapy have a programme that help. It will help her for the rest of her life never mind a holiday.
As for the holiday - I don’t think anyone can help you, because you know the dog and you know your friend. But I for one would love to go on holiday with a rottie! 😂

It's a lifestyle choice, just like smoking or having kids. I try hard not to impose my kids on others if they're not very intested in children and I would expect the same consideration from dog owners. If my kids were to leap up on reluctant passers-by, we would all be extremely unimpressed, I'm sure. There would be no obligation on anyone to learn to accept it.

Absolutely agree with this. I wouldn’t want a dog on holiday with us either. My sons are (2 & 4). My oldest isn’t interested in dogs whatsoever, but my youngest is a curious chap and will go up to one. I stop him the moment I see him heading over and apologise. I don’t mind some dogs, but I hate when some owners let them jump all over me or run around my feet and smile at me assuming I want to pet them when I’m really thinking get your bloody dog already and am trying to not give the dog mixed signals. The ones that have dogs that they obviously can’t control anger me the most.

As others have said, traveling with a dog can be quite restricting and most of the dog owners I know wouldn’t bring theirs on holiday with them.

I think you did the right thing by asking considering the circumstances and nothing wrong with you saying the breed. Someone would have asked anyway if you said a big dog.

OP, I adore dogs, especially big dogs. Well-trained Rottweilers are a joy, and in my experience smaller dogs are far, far more likely to attack than big dogs.

But you are absolutely right in what you’ve done. I can’t understand why your friends would think it would be ok to bring their dog on your holiday?! Definitely don’t agree to it, don’t be bullied or coerced. Your DC would have the worst holiday imaginable, spending the whole time in fear.

On another note - a fear of dogs can be debilitating and affect life as we grow up. My mother in law had a morbid fear of dogs, and it was noticed by my very sensitive (autistic, as it later turned out) DS at about age 2. He began to copy her, and in the end we couldn’t even go for a harmless walk in our local woods without him shrieking and wanting to be carried around. We actually had a dog! A large Pointer, who he loved and was very kind and gentle. DS had learned to be kind and considerate around him, and likewise the dog too. After DDog died, DS became worse than ever, and a couple of years later we got a puppy. The first month was horrific and I began to question what I’d done, as DS wouldn’t be in the same room as him, but gradually as he became involved in feeding, training and playing with the puppy, he began to relax around him. Once he understood how the dog ‘worked’, and how to act around him, it all became so much easier, and a year later we can go anywhere with dogs and DS is absolutely fine. He was surrounded by dogs last weekend while they all greeted each other and he didn’t bat an eyelid. It just means we can now go anywhere with no fear, and he knows how to behave around animals so he won’t cause a reaction. Would it be worth some kind of therapy to make later life a bit easier? Dogs are wonderful and a bit inevitable really.
Sorry for the long post.

Very disappointing the amount of ignorance and discrimination against one breed, you’re more likely to be bitten by a Labrador than a Dottie.

Not about the breed in one sense, the child is nervous around dogs, will act accordingly and who knows how the dog will react to that. If she slaps it away in fear/screams/runs, I'd rather deal with a reactive Pomeranian than a reactive Rottweiler. I presume you have them, then you know the power in a Rottweilers jaw and yes they are as lovable as any dog and like any breed, you get good temperament and not so good and owner input, but if they make a choice they are 80 to 130 pounds of pure muscle.

The point is you cannot trust any animal OP because they do not think like humans. So many dog owners humanise their dogs. When they do, you know they are not in full control of their animal. If this is the sense you get, stick to it and don't bother with the holiday. But I would try to get your child a bit more relaxed around dogs, start small.

Avenilsen - yes it’s not about the breed, dogs are instinctive and any dog can attack if provoked. Their way of thinking is often very different to ours, unless it’s about cuddles on the sofa, which we all agree on!

Humans are almost always the issue, whether it’s the breeders, the trainers, or those who meet the dog. Just as we should all train our dogs properly, children need to be taught how to behave respectfully around dogs and should never be left alone with them.

I would have done exactly what the OP has.

@Branleuse
Does she know that rotties are a banned breed in much of europe?

I mentioned this way up thread but no one seems interested!

Has your friend with the dog got children?

If I was child free I would not go on hols with people with kids in tow, as a non dog owner I would not want to go for more than a walking weekend with people with a dog.

Both dogs and kids pose significant constraints on a holiday, in different ways.

On the whole ‘Rottweilers are no more fierce than other dogs ‘ issue, fair enough. But if a dog, any dog, does go for your kid you are more likely to be able to get a pug off them before it does fatal damage than a big strong Rottweiler . The need matters.

Agree that the breed matters. Also, talk about "breed discrimination" is a bit silly. The rottweiler isn't a person and the OP isn't refusing to give it a job or provide a service to it on the basis of its rottweiler status, nor is she excessively performing stop and search on it or pulling it over for customs investigation. It's a dog and she doesn't like it which is entirely up to her. I'm sure the dog doesn't give a shit.