To wonder why children are always the first ones to get the short end of the stick?

[Norealreasontopost]

I remember being little and my parents having guests over, I'd always have to tidy my room within an inch of its life, then get kicked out of it and sleep on a blow up bed in the hallway so the guest could have my bed. The guest would usually be one of my aunts, an adult woman who imo as the guest, should be the one on the sofa or blow up bed.

I remember getting packets of sweets at christmas or for my birthday, and being forced to offer them around before I could have any, and everyone would take giant handfuls until there was only about 2 left.

If I was on the sofa and an adult walked in, I was expected to immediately move to the floor so they could sit down (even if I was there first!) And we are talking healthy 30 somethings, not people who actually need the seat due to sore backs, arthritis, etc.

I've spoken to other people my own age, and my experiences seem quite common, so I'm just wondering why people seem to think kids should bend over backwards to accomodate them, just because they're kids? I'm not sure if this is such a thing anymore, but I would never dream of kicking my children out of their rooms for guests.

Overnight guests aren't always family, it's the adult's friends as well that stay.
How many of you give up your beds when your children have their friends to sleepover. They are guests after all no?

What happens when the child is using the living room to sleep. You all go to bed at the same time? Sit in the kitchen? Sit on the stairs?

I actually think where possible it’s really important for children to have a safe space that’s their own that they can “escape” to, and that they have priority over what happens in that space. Of course sharing with siblings is a different dynamic and is still their space!

ffswhatnext. Yes I have given up my bed for guests. And yes, if someone is in the sitting room, we stay in the kitchen. 🤷‍♀️

What is the MN view on kids giving up beds for other kids? Is that allowed? I only have boys, when my teenage nieces stay, it would not be appropriate for them to be in with my teen boy who has a large room. So he moves in with his brother and the girls get his room.

What? We need to ask the DC if we can invite family to stay now?

Obviously fucking not, but maybe kick yourself out of your bed instead of kicking them out of their own.

Children shouldn't be treated any less just because they are children. I get that many of us will do same things that our parents did however I remember feeling so powerless as a child when my opinion didn't matter to anyone and I wouldn't do that to my kids because I know it feels horrible. Kicking a child out of their bedroom will teach them respect.

will not teach them respect*

Obviously fucking not, but maybe kick yourself out of your bed instead of kicking them out of their own
Did you mean to be so rude?
I don't think a child should be complaining if they need to give up their seat or sharing.
They are life skills.
The bedroom is debatable but not abusive if it was once every year or two.
Inviting a guest includes slight disruption for all the family, it works both way when DC have their little guests to stay.
Should the parent's follow the childs lead not share their food, chairs, bathroom with the guest.
DC guests staying inconveniences parent's it is life nobody dies.

"maybe kick yourself out of your bed instead of kicking them out of their own."

My single 50 something female friend, who is visiting for Christmas, would not want me to give up my place in bed as it would mean sharing with my husband!

My son is adopted and so we don't force him to give up his room, because he is very emotional and has some issues around a few things. My daughter is on the spectrum, equally emotional and with issues (for different reasons) so we don't force her either.

However, the prospect of a tent in the dinning room appears to be more fun for them than it does for my single 50 something friend.

I don't think 'respect' is about treating everyone equally, but about giving equal care to what you suggest. My middle aged friend is quite a private person. My nine year old son, not so much!

I'm surprised I have any overnight guests. I don't do anything special for them. Sleep where you can find space. Sleeping here you are part of the family, you pitch in and if don't like it, don't stay here. Fuckers still come back lol.
When I visit people exactly the same.
At times the bath has been slept in whether here or at friends lol.
We aren't all young either, from 25 to 63. It was the older person who suggested it and jumped in haha.
Have slept in back gardens, prefer that to a stuffy house and when I have given up my bed I have slept on my balcony, which I sometimes do anyway.
The kids all together in their rooms wherever space can be found which gives us free use of downstairs.

The way I see it is that when visiting you have to have realistic expectations. I'm not a hotel or b&b, no room service and there's no guaranteed bed or somewhere to sit because we live here. You might be on holiday but we still have to live our lives. If you're staying a couple of nights, here are the keys and have you got whatever apps, and who is cooking what this week.

I haven't always been like this. I used to do all the 'traditional' way, give up beds, run around like an idiot making it extra clean and all that. I hated it. I was always on edge and couldn't relax. And one day after we'd had bust few months and endless guests I just said fuck it. I'm not doing it anymore. It's my home I should be relaxed. Who cares if the dusting didn't get done that week, you come to see us not the place.

it works both way when DC have their little guests to stay.

Does it? Do you give up your bed for your child’s friends?

I loved having people to stay as a child. They were always interesting people, or family. I had the double bed, my sister had bunk beds, so I always had to move, but wasn’t remotely bothered as sleeping somewhere different was exciting.

But I suspect for most of those here, these things, and how they react, are reflective of the wider picture. My parents respected me in every way that mattered, so I never resented things that seemed minor to me, because they were.

But I suspect for most of those here, these things, and how they react, are reflective of the wider picture. My parents respected me in every way that mattered, so I never resented things that seemed minor to me, because they were.

This is exactly how I feel also I just can’t word it as well! When you are in a loving home you do little things for each other and it’s not you’ve got the short end or because you’re the you ghat you get a raw deal, I was taught that being part of a family means being in a team and we all work together.

You’re the youngest* bloody autocorrect

To me it's basic manners . I grew up in a house you would give up your seat / bed for an adult whether they were able bodied or not and I still expect ds to do the same . It's not about who was here first , it's about respect.

And what if the person is like one of the obnoxious tossers that get posted about?
Personally I wouldn't have them here, but hey oh. Would you still expect your children to give up their space? If you do doesn't that send out the message that anyone can treat you like shit and you still have to respect them and reward them in the process?

What about adults who completely disregard children's boundaries - kissing when they don't want to, hugging etc? Should the child have to then also give up their space? That's an awful message to send out. I hate all that contact, always have but I had to put up with it because you respect your elders. Yea and what about who I give consent to touch me?

Respect shouldn't be an automatic thing. There are people who regardless of their age, don't deserve respect. They also don't deserve to be in our homes, but that's a whole other thing.

me and my brother were always hoofed out of our beds when grandparents came over.

Grandparents got mom and dads bed, mom and dad got our beds and we were relegated to camp beds or the floor.

I think to be honest, having spent a childhood sleeping on campbeds or the lounge floor whenever we had guests, its made me more resolute to not be that parent who does that to my kids because I hated it so much.

While we DO move the kids around if we have guests.. I DO NOT give up my bed, and my kids have proper mattresses to sleep on as we bought those beds with the full size guest mattress stored underneath that can be pulled out.