To wonder why children are always the first ones to get the short end of the stick?

[Norealreasontopost]

I remember being little and my parents having guests over, I'd always have to tidy my room within an inch of its life, then get kicked out of it and sleep on a blow up bed in the hallway so the guest could have my bed. The guest would usually be one of my aunts, an adult woman who imo as the guest, should be the one on the sofa or blow up bed.

I remember getting packets of sweets at christmas or for my birthday, and being forced to offer them around before I could have any, and everyone would take giant handfuls until there was only about 2 left.

If I was on the sofa and an adult walked in, I was expected to immediately move to the floor so they could sit down (even if I was there first!) And we are talking healthy 30 somethings, not people who actually need the seat due to sore backs, arthritis, etc.

I've spoken to other people my own age, and my experiences seem quite common, so I'm just wondering why people seem to think kids should bend over backwards to accomodate them, just because they're kids? I'm not sure if this is such a thing anymore, but I would never dream of kicking my children out of their rooms for guests.

You cannot have any pain or illness issues to think like this op. It is far easier for child to sleep on a camp bed / blow up mattress / the floor than an adult. I imagine it was the way it was handled rather than the gesture. I wouldn’t dream of inviting an adult to my home without a decent bed to stay.

I believe in teaching respect has to be earned. I don’t think anyone should be respected automatically because of their age etc.

Good manners should be employed and shown to everyone. I don’t think being forced by your parents to give up your space is indicative of manners.

It's a bit mean to take a handful of sweets when offered. However the rest we would certainly do if needed.

I understand your feelings OP re your bedroom being offered to visitors. My sister is 9 years older than me and left home at 18 to train in another city. Quite frequently her friends would come home with her for the weekend and they were always given my room to sleep in. I was relegated to a camp bed in my sister’s room. I always wondered why the visitor couldn’t have had my sister’s bed and she could have slept on the camp bed in the same room!

It does seem you had the harsher end of this style of parenting.

I was taught (and teach my dcs), that if they are eating sweets/treats in front of others, they have to share, but they are allowed to save them until later if they like.

I dont kick dcs out of their beds if someone wants to stay, I work on the principle they didn't invite the guests so it shouldn't be them who lose their beds. Subsequently, I've got in the habit of saying we cant accommodate overnight guests, but then theres a B&B less than 2 min walk from our house and have been known to pay for a room for a guest.

Respect does need to be taught, but then respect for children as people in their own right does seem to be a newer idea.

All of those things are done on a convenience basis - children are smaller and lighter than most adults so arent going to struggle to sleep on a short sofa or blow up bed; when guests are over then the adults are more likely to sit and chat and so should be able to do so and kids can come and go and just sit on the floor when they are there.

Even now when I go to family gatherings at my parents house, when everyone is there my parents, GPs and aunts and uncles get dibs on the seats then whichever "kids" are in last when all the chairs are gone (whether its us 30 somethings or my 2 or old nephew) sit on the floor, but if a kid is on a chair they will be asked to make way (either by moving to the floor or on someone's knee) for someone older out of courtesy

I don't know, I think the being moved out of your bed thing is fair enough if you would still have a comfortable bed for a child. I move dd1 or dd2 sometimes to ds's top bunk bed. This means my mum can sleep in a bed in their room rather than a sofa bed in the living room. It is less disruptive for everyone that way.

Equally no reason kids can't sit on the floor on a cushion, they sit on hard floors for carpet time and assembly at school, they are young and don't have achy backs and knees so makes sense.

The sweet thing is mean though, who takes a kids birthday sweets leaving them with hardly any

'The whole point is that rights (the right to the best bed, the right to a seat on the bus) generally come with responsibilities (often to pay for stuff such as a bud ticket). Children don't have such responsibilities, they don't pay for anything or provide/produce it. They are a burden on society! So why not expect them to defer to the people who do provide/produce, where these things are incidental (sweets, a bus seat, a slightly comfier bed).'

I find that slightly chilling, tbh (quite apart from the failure of logic: not all adults actually do 'provide/produce'; how are we going to work out which do and which don't?). That isn't really how we should be determining people's value.

Saw a story about a pregnant woman having to stand whilst an elderly couple had taken their booked train seats. The woman had three children who were seated. At least one of them should have stood and allowed her to sit. Instead we were all invited to judge the elderly couple

The elderly couple took the woman’s seats?

Yeah, I’m judging that too. You don’t get to be an ass because you are older

Well @LovePoppy yes the pregnant lady had seat reservations but there's some debate about whether those are valid when the train had fewer carriages. Can.of.worms.

I still don't know why the pre-teen/teenage kids left their pregnant mum to stand regardless of the elderly(ish) couple's rights or wrongs

Never happened to me, and I wouldn’t dream of treating my children like that.

The elderly couple took the woman’s seats?

Yeah, I’m judging that too. You don’t get to be an ass because you are older

It wasn't as simple as that. There was something wrong with the rain (a carriage short or something) and all reservations had been cancelled so it was "first come, first served". So even though the seats in question had been the ones that the woman had reserved, that reservation was no longer valid.

^ "I think most people these days don't hold with it - or not to the extent that you described - and some older people are really bitter about that.^"

I think there are a lot more spoilt, brattish, self-entitled children around there were when people did hold with it.

I agree with this PP:

I suppose I approach things differently really as if someone had to be kicked out of their room or sit on the floor then we don't have enough room and that's that.

Mine often get told off and move for me. I prefer sitting on the floor. But for some reason, others just won't accept this, unless they prefer the floor.
Never had my kids give up their rooms. People know sleep here wherever you can find a space. And surprisingly do. And unless you have two separate living rooms, if the dc's taking up that space then everyone goes to bed?
Tidying rooms, why shouldn't they?
Sweets, chocolate, biscuits etc if you open in front of someone, you share regardless of who you are and your age. Yes, have seen biscuits open and not shared or only with the adults.

The older couple on the train -
The reservations had NOT been cancelled. Unless there has been an updated since the other day.

When I was small an we had relatives over from abroad I had to share a room and as the youngest my bed was given to whoever visited.

As an adult with my own house that is bigger than my dp’s, I do not expect my dds to move rooms. But if they want a sleepover together than fair dos 🤷🏼‍♀️ we suddenly have room + 1.

I expect my dc to give up seats or beds to older relatives. I think it is polite and not too much of a hardship really. I think they find it much easier to get comfortable sitting on the floor or sleeping on an airbed.

I agree the sweet thing is shitty, and I wouldn't to that.

If you don't learn good manners and to be unselfish as a child, when are you going to learn?

No one was ever moved to the hall landing when I was a child, we tended to sleep in with another sibling (I have 4) leaving a room for the adult guest.

It's usually easy to shuffle kids around room than adults I think.

These days we just shove people where they'll fit e.g my two boys moved into DS1's room together, my sister's 3 girls went in the main bed room (2 in the double and 1 on a blow up) leaving me and my sister in the lounge on the sofa and another blow up nb we are both single. Meant we could stay up later. DS1 (20) didn't get turfed out just got a bonus brother and the three nieces could set up their boudoir!

I don't understand why it's good manners for adults who invite guests to expect their children to give up their beds. Why can't the adult hosts offer their own beds if it's a prerequisite of a good welcome not to expect the guest to use a temporary bed? Again, it it's only polite to give up a chair, why does it have to be the child who gives it up and not an adult? These arguments work both ways. Personally I don't like having guests to stay do my DCs are saved the bother.

Kids are fine sitting on the carpet, adults less so. I mean they can, of course, but kids don't think give it a second thought, do they?

We give our sons bed when we have guests and he sleeps on a foldout bed. He is much lighter so it is comfy for him. Same with the sofa, he would move if adults were sitting on it. Idk didn't think it was a big deal.

Oh bollocks. I can perfectly well sit on the carpet. My 7Oyo MIL sits on the floor perfectly happily and not due to lack of space.

Because a young child will find it easier to sleep in a blow bed than an adult, just because of the difference in weight.
The sitting on the floor sound logical too, basically because children spend a lot of time on the floor, sitting/playing whereas adults don’t.

The sharing sweets I disagree, esp if this means there none left for the child.

And yes things have changed and guests are more likely to end up on the sofa. Which would be ok IF said sofa was confortable (it rarely is). Or maybe would be for a child but not for an adult....