To wonder why children are always the first ones to get the short end of the stick?

[Norealreasontopost]

I remember being little and my parents having guests over, I'd always have to tidy my room within an inch of its life, then get kicked out of it and sleep on a blow up bed in the hallway so the guest could have my bed. The guest would usually be one of my aunts, an adult woman who imo as the guest, should be the one on the sofa or blow up bed.

I remember getting packets of sweets at christmas or for my birthday, and being forced to offer them around before I could have any, and everyone would take giant handfuls until there was only about 2 left.

If I was on the sofa and an adult walked in, I was expected to immediately move to the floor so they could sit down (even if I was there first!) And we are talking healthy 30 somethings, not people who actually need the seat due to sore backs, arthritis, etc.

I've spoken to other people my own age, and my experiences seem quite common, so I'm just wondering why people seem to think kids should bend over backwards to accomodate them, just because they're kids? I'm not sure if this is such a thing anymore, but I would never dream of kicking my children out of their rooms for guests.

Many children these days seem to behave like little emperors and expect the world to revolve around them

This is exactly how many adults behave though. Expecting the world to revolve around them, especially when they think they’re above children when they’re not.

About the blow up bed, what about when the child is now a teen and bigger/heavier than the adult?

Everyone just trots off to bed when the child sleeps on the sofa? Wake a child up and move them in their sleep (this is one of the reasons why I still have insomnia in my 40’).?

@GorkyMcPorky I found my people 😀

Peoples sofas are often uncomfy because they never try them out.
I go in store and use the sofas how I would at home. Mine are lovely to sleep on, am found often doing just that.

it used to be quite fun for us to sleep somewhere other than a bed! My favourite memory was a large family gathering and all the kids sleeping in a tent in the garden. (about 10 of us- obviously it was a large tent!)
The sweet thing happened in my family. If we got a bag of sweets, we'd be told not to be greedy and share. God forbid we asked for any of the adults chocolates, though...
It didn't do any lasting harm.

I only became a mum almost six years ago, I have two kids. Thankfully I am not like this but I remember a lot of these from my own childhood. My kids rooms are their rooms, one has extra needs so can’t give up her space and my elder daughters room has all of her things in it and a tent for the bed so I wouldn’t imagine anyone would want to sleep there anyway. We don’t have anyone stay but if I do it’s a mattress in the front room or the sofa. If I stay at someone else’s and it’s just me then I take the sofa. I don’t expect my kids to move if an adult wants to sit down, it’s their home basically. My kid isn’t expected to share but she does because she likes to. Sometimes she will say no and fair enough, it’s her treat. I also say no to her if she wants something of mine and I don’t want to share, she doesn’t huff or throw a tantrum which is great. I also do things like apologise if I am actually wrong, if she has a point I’ll genuinely listen to it and if it makes sense then I’ll accept that. I make it sound dramatic but she is five so you can imagine the kind of silly things I’m on about but as a kid my mum would never admit she was wrong and still wouldn’t now if I spoke to her. Most of my childhood was being frustrated trying to explain my point of view but it not being heard because she was always right. Also not being able to say no if I am asked to do something, why ask then? I think not being allowed to say no or discuss things was common for me.

You’re right OP it’s awful when parents teach their children to think about other people, really we should just all be more about ourselves. It’s just politeness it is easier for a child to sit on the floor than for an adult, it’s easier for a child to bunk in with another child or on the couch as they are smaller and if it’s just for a short period of time like one or two nights does it really matter? It’s not a permanent move. The sweets thing I’m not so sure about! Taking big handfuls is just rude but offering one or two is normal surely?

You’re right OP it’s awful when parents teach their children to think about other people, really we should just all be more about ourselves

It’s funny that only children are expected to be good hosts, but adults don’t. Nor do they have to be good guests

There is a middle ground here where kids get respect too

I think entitled Adults, for children who have to give everything up. So they expect when they are adults they get everything they want.

Similar to how mothers were expected to do everything in their mothers or mother-in-law’s wanted, and now that they are the grand mothers and grandmothers in line they expect the same, And why they get very angry when they don’t get it.

You are owed nothing because you are the older generation

@Aaarrgghhh that’s how I brought mine up. As adults they are polite and don’t go with the stance of older people deserve whatever.
We watch people how they get on the bus. First to get seats from others are older people. We look for those that look like they need a seat more - parents and baby, loads of shopping, on crutches, etc. If someone asks them they will move without question, unless they have been spoken to rudely. They wouldn’t get rewarded for similar behavior so why should they reward others?

And the whole give up seats automatically. How do you define what’s older? Don’t forget to many 5 year olds 20 is ancient. And aren’t we supposed to teach our children not to base things on how they look? Yet we are teaching that those over whatever age you decide aren’t able to do various things. I know many people in their 50’s who kick the younger ones arses at football. Yet they would be more deserving of a seat purely based on age?
And what about those who look older that what they are. I’d hate that.

It’s funny that only children are expected to be good hosts, but adults don’t. Nor do they have to be good guests

Often its family that are coming to stay. Surely the whole family accomodates them? Thats how i see it anyway . We have a spare room so if 1 set of GP come over no one has to relinquish their bed. If multiple people are staying (once a year at most for us) then maybe one or both kids may have to bunk in with someone else for a night or 2. That is their contribution. DH and i will have cleaned and tidied the house, put on fresh bedding, bought ,cooked and provided food or drinks for guests etc. Probably done more washing up, tidying after....is that not also part of being a good host? so in my eyes its a team effort.

I remember feeling really powerless as a child. You could not pay me enough to be a kid again.

Respect should work both ways, not just because someone is older than you.

We don’t have guests to stay, but I wouldn’t kick my kids out of their rooms if they did. I’m very protective of bedrooms, it is mine (and my kids) only space that is just theirs that they can retreat to.

Making a child share their gift is just a mean thing to do if no one else has to share their gifts.

I don’t know that I could bring myself to make an adult sit on the floor though.. I would probably source another chair or ask my kids politely if they want to move/go do something else. I’m pretty sure they would oblige.

Often its family that are coming to stay. Surely the whole family accomodates them? Thats how i see it anyway . We have a spare room so if 1 set of GP come over no one has to relinquish their bed. If multiple people are staying (once a year at most for us) then maybe one or both kids may have to bunk in with someone else for a night or 2. That is their contribution. DH and i will have cleaned and tidied the house, put on fresh bedding, bought ,cooked and provided food or drinks for guests etc. Probably done more washing up, tidying after....is that not also part of being a good host? so in my eyes its a team effort.

Presumably you chose to have the guests though and the children had no say?

At 20 I could sleep on a friend's floor after a bucket of beer and jump up the next morning and do it again. At 50 I would need to be stretchered off if I even tried it. Of course it is respectful to give up seats for an adult - beds too unless it is too regular and occurrence. Don't see why it can't be turned into a camping-out on the floor type thing with young chidren.

It’s funny that only children are expected to be good hosts, but adults don’t
What does that even mean? Adults are the ones making sure their guests are fed, watered, have a clean place to stay and wash, collected from airports etc.. If the guests are a couple then dh and I give them our room instead. I suppose there are some families where the adults do nothing but I don't imagine there are many.

I've never really thought about it before but yes this is so true! My mum always was, and still is now, desperate to please other people often at her children's expense.

I was kicked out of my bed when he had guests. Usually stuck on a z-bed in the living room though once they put two armchairs together when I was about 10 and it was horrifically uncomfortable not least because they kept separating meaning my bum would fall through the gap, and I couldn't stretch my legs out. I'd never kick my kids out their beds. Mind you it wasn't as bad as the time where I had to sleep on the floor in my mum and stepdad's room and they chose that night to have sex

Presumably you chose to have the guests though and the children had no say?

Well they didn't pick up the phone and invite them but they love having family to stay.
Sometimes DD actually asks me when we can have family to stay.

Well they didn't pick up the phone and invite them but they love having family to stay.
Sometimes DD actually asks me when we can have family to stay

Fair enough then. Maybe we are all just dysfunctional because I couldn’t think of anything worse than having family to stay. 😳 we have a verrrry small house though.

But personally if were to invite someone and my children had no say, I would be the one to give up my bed, not impose it on my kids.

I think this is a two way thing, of course it’s easier for kids than adults. Also kids come first most of the time this is all part of growing up, ie letting them win games etc.
I think that these are one of a few times they don’t, at the rate they are going what have they got to look forward to as adults. Don’t agree with eating their sweets though.

It’s not about respect I agree that respect and manners are a two way thing.
It’s surely about practicality children are generally more flexible and adaptable.
Does it really do any harm for a couple of days?

It’s surely about practicality children are generally more flexible and adaptable.
Does it really do any harm for a couple of days?

Depends on the kid, surely? My youngest would be fine, would take great delight in sleeping on the sofa in front of the TV and PlayStation.

My oldest would be in utter hell. She’s beyond shy, anxious, and quiet, and her room is the only place she has of solace from her noisy, loud, spirited brother.

🤷‍♀️

Presumably you chose to have the guests though and the children had no say?
What? We need to ask the DC if we can invite family to stay now?

I didn't mind sitting on the floor or stool and now my nieces and nephews get up to let me sit down!!

I remember on one occasion being told I couldn't used the family bathroom while guests were staying and having to use the small cloakroom on the other side of the house which was freezing. I did resent that.

If we have a houseful, my ds has to share with me, and I expect him to tidy his room whether we have guests or not.
No seating problems at home but I expect him to give up his seat on the train to anyone elderly, laden with shopping, pregnant etc.
And I expect him to offer to share his sweets although if he has friends round, I make sure they all have equal anyway.

It’s just good manners and basic consideration for other people’s feelings.

The sweet bit really resonates. But differently. I liked to have a few, then save some for later while my sister and brother would scoff theirs in one go. If I then later went back to have some if mine later, I'd be made to share.

I ended up just scoffing them too, because moderating my intake was punished.

What? We need to ask the DC if we can invite family to stay now?

Uhh no? I was just saying the one who invites should be the one to give up their room?

I mostly liked having guests; we as a family would make way for them, not just the children. If we were guests in other people's houses, we would see how they made way for us. But what was not so pleasant was having guests whom my parents were anxious to please, such as our au pair's parents. My parents would then be very tense beforehand, and sometimes there were harsh whisperings and threats in another room if our behaviour was not impeccable.