To wonder why children are always the first ones to get the short end of the stick?

[Norealreasontopost]

I remember being little and my parents having guests over, I'd always have to tidy my room within an inch of its life, then get kicked out of it and sleep on a blow up bed in the hallway so the guest could have my bed. The guest would usually be one of my aunts, an adult woman who imo as the guest, should be the one on the sofa or blow up bed.

I remember getting packets of sweets at christmas or for my birthday, and being forced to offer them around before I could have any, and everyone would take giant handfuls until there was only about 2 left.

If I was on the sofa and an adult walked in, I was expected to immediately move to the floor so they could sit down (even if I was there first!) And we are talking healthy 30 somethings, not people who actually need the seat due to sore backs, arthritis, etc.

I've spoken to other people my own age, and my experiences seem quite common, so I'm just wondering why people seem to think kids should bend over backwards to accomodate them, just because they're kids? I'm not sure if this is such a thing anymore, but I would never dream of kicking my children out of their rooms for guests.

A lot of what you describe is not what happened in my childhood. However like others, I regarded going on an air bed on my sister's floor as a huge adventure and great fun and happily gave up my bed for this! I was never expected to share round sweets and be left with barely any, altho I would usually have offered to whoever had bought them and didn't mind sharing some.

Children weigh far less and are far more flexible than adults so genuinely are more comfortable sat on the floor than an adult would be. Again tho, as a child I didn't usually want to be in the sofa anyway - I wanted to be on the floor playing with toys

This , apart from the sweets, is standard stuff I think!

My childhood was like yours to the point where my parents eventually had to intervene and say I never got any of the sweets I was bought and could people not take advantage of me being polite.

The teenagers and tweens in my family are the complete opposite now to the point where it disgusts me (they aren't my children and I'd never allow children of mine to be so selfish). As guests in elderly family member's homes they sprawl across the sofas and refuse to move even so the elderly members of the family can get a seat. They have refused to sleep in anything except a double or king sized bed since about the age of 6 so all the older members of the family end up kicked out of their beds and sleeping on floors, sofas, blow up beds or in children's single beds (think 6"4 15stone bloke sleeping in a Disney Princess child's bed with his wife who has a spinal problem sleeping on an uncomfortable sofa whilst their 6 year old daughter sleeps in a king sized bed alone because she doesn't share and she can't sleep in anything other than a big bed). These children do not share anything. They raid the cupboards and fridge the minute they get in the house, even eating the only food that their cousin with multiple allergies can have.

We've gone from one extreme to the other. As a 35 year old I feel really short changed lol.

Are you a good host now OP?

Luckily in the area I live children over 8 are not nasty and selfish so expect seats on public transport before everyone else. It gets to the point where kids over 8 will refuse to sit down even if their mum and random adults encourage them to. Unfortunately once they become young adults then more become entitled a-holes and take up two seats.

When I was a kid I could sleep anywhere. I was a lot less fussy about it than I am now. I got a decent nights sleep on a lie low on holidays. Totally wouldn't be the case now. Also adults sit around and chat. Children dont normally sit still unless they have tablets etc or doing craft. They often voluntarily sit on the floor. So I get this as well. The sweet thing is a bit odd though

It's called socialisation, parents don't tend to do it these days.
I was brought up like that and so have my children.
Kids were brought up to respect grown ups, and they too had this respect when they grew up. I thought this was normal tbh, and am happy mine grew up well socialised with respect for others.

I don't believe that children owe adults slavish 'respect' (i.e. performances of subservience) just because adults are adults. My children have vacated their beds for guests on occasion, but only because that was the most practicable solution for the particular situation - on other occasions I've given the guest my bed. They might be asked to shove up or sit on the floor for a guest, adult or child, but generally we would try to sort chairs for everyone. They certainly wouldn't have to offer round sweets given as a gift, though if they wanted to open them immediately they might be encouraged to offer one each.

The line I take is that everyone, adult or child, deserves respect and accommodation to their needs. I'll encourage my children to give up their seats for someone evidently more in need of them, but generally I'll give up mine as well. They won't be asked to stand up for random healthy adults.

Also, if my kids get packets of sweets and want to open them when we’re with family/friends I tell them they’ll have to offer them round. If they don’t want to share they can save them for when it’s just us at home and that’s fine.

When I took my 5 grandchildren away for a long weekend break, there were only 4 single beds, so someone had to sleep on a blow up mattress on the floor. Guess which bed was the most popular? The children took it in turns to sleep on the inflatable!

Yeah I hate this. I also think that expecting a child to stand for an adult on a bus purely on the basis of “respecting elders” is unfair

I am asian, grew up in an asian household and everything you have described I have done. It was very much the norm when I was growing up and tbh I would expect the same from my kids re. Offering their sweets around before eating them themselves or offering up a seat to someone older. I think that is just good manners
This.
I grew up in an Irish household I done all of the above. I always offered my treats I remember my uncle taking a full stick of my kitkat. I was so angry inside it can't have happened often I always shared I don't remember any other adult being overly grabby only him.
One meany did not put me off sharing.
I expect all of the above today from my DC it is manners.

The idea about things like that is that as a child you are bottom of the pecking order, and when you grow up and get older it will be your turn to be higher up. Just a perk because everything else about getting older is shit :o

I think most people these days don't hold with it - or not to the extent that you described - and some older people are really bitter about that.

All that you describe Op was my childhood, except for the sweets thing, yes we had to offer round our sweets, but the adults were never greedy. I would sleep in the loft on a mattress when adults came to stay, but it was boarded out with a bedside lamp and perfectly comfortable. The only thing I objected to was my mother pushing me into the road to let an able bodied adult pass while smiling ingratiatingly at the adult. I was going to move to let the adult pass but she decided shoving me into the road showed her in a much better light as a good parent to the complete stranger. Luckily the oncoming car missed me. I certainly never repeated that behaviour to any child.

Apart from the sweets thing, it's pretty normal, isn't it?

It's much easier for children to sit on the floor/sleep on the sofa than it is for an adult to do the same.

Tbh, adulthood is way, WAY less fun than being a kid. I would absolutely trade being an adult for being a child if what you described were the only conditions!

The bed thing is certainly unfair and not something I was ever made to do, and not something I plan on making my children do either. The sweets thing, again, very mean and I wouldnt have been made to do that either. Maybe the sofa thing is the only thing I would have been made to do and I do think that is fair as children are more agile.

I threw a 70 party at my house for a family member. My relatives generally in 30s and 40s with kids, then the 68 - 75 crew.

I was flabbergasted when my siblings and nephews and nieces took all the best seats leaving the older guests, some with walking sticks, to stand while watching said family member open gifts ! My dad bless him got up and sat on the floor as a spritly 73 year old to make room. My lazy arse step siblings and co did not. Disgusting.

Surely this is just good manners? I think all children have to realise its"not all about them!" what harm can they come to if Auntie Doris comes to stay and they spend a night or two on a sofa or airbed FFS! I do not know anyone who would take a lot of sweets .But would be quite pleased if they did as too many arent good for DC anyway!

Other than the sweets the adults around you were clearly dicks I think offering up proper beds and living room seats to grown ups, especially grown ups who are older, elderly or have mobility/back issues, is polite.

I remember a lot the message “hosts should make way for guests”, but not really adults are superior to children.

However, I do remember loathing being a child in many ways: the powerlessness, the dependence, being too short to reach things, not being in control, being smacked, being bullied and teased (and not knowing how to deal with it), and being forced to live with people I disliked (my brother). As a young adult, I loved the freedom, and still do mostly. Just occasionally do I miss the childish memories of ordinary things seeming big and exciting.

I do not see this to be an issue at all. I was always expected to clean and vacate my bedroom if guests were staying, I'd expect my own children to do the same and whenever I am an overnight guest in someone else's home, I often sleep in the kid's bedroom whilst they're either with parents or on an inflatable bed in sibling's room.

I was brought up to show respect to elders-offer seats etc. I still do it and I expect my children to do the same.

Kids are on the whole resilient little things and every now and then a wee message that they are not the centre of the world (even though they are the centre of mine) is good for them.

I'm fairly progressive but I do like good old fashioned respect for elders and I'm always surprised (and annoyed in my head)when other people's children don't show it.

I think only the sweets example is off.

Every ERF car seat thread makes the point that children are much more flexible and can be comfortable in positions that most adults aren't. Through my 30s, I find that I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable when sitting on floors, and have now conceeded that for more than a couple of nights camping, I need a campbed as my back struggles with lying on a thermal mat. Meanwhile the DCs roll off theirs and sleep happily on the groundsheet

Children are usually less physically inconvenienced by giving up seats or beds than adults would be. Saying that, by usually being the smallest in a group of adults, I still seem to get the default of usually being the one squished in the middle of the car, the table leg in the restaurant or sitting on the floor in a sofa shortage. Maybe I should over-compensate for decades of sacrifice by becoming a very demanding and entitled old lady in my later years

We did this as kids and never questioned it still think it’s correct. Adults take priority most kids don’t give two hoots about sleeping on our up beds or sitting on floor whilst uncomfortable for most adults