To wonder why children are always the first ones to get the short end of the stick?

[Norealreasontopost]

I remember being little and my parents having guests over, I'd always have to tidy my room within an inch of its life, then get kicked out of it and sleep on a blow up bed in the hallway so the guest could have my bed. The guest would usually be one of my aunts, an adult woman who imo as the guest, should be the one on the sofa or blow up bed.

I remember getting packets of sweets at christmas or for my birthday, and being forced to offer them around before I could have any, and everyone would take giant handfuls until there was only about 2 left.

If I was on the sofa and an adult walked in, I was expected to immediately move to the floor so they could sit down (even if I was there first!) And we are talking healthy 30 somethings, not people who actually need the seat due to sore backs, arthritis, etc.

I've spoken to other people my own age, and my experiences seem quite common, so I'm just wondering why people seem to think kids should bend over backwards to accomodate them, just because they're kids? I'm not sure if this is such a thing anymore, but I would never dream of kicking my children out of their rooms for guests.

My children happily move for guests, or share with them. They think it's great fun.

The other stuff isn't something I've known, but sweets and seating aren't really an issue here. People eat/sit wherever.

When I was a kid I’d move out of my bed for adult guests & sleep on the sofa.

Now I’m an adult, if I’m visiting friends with kids & no spare rooms the kids sleep in their beds & I sleep on the sofa... although I’ve now decided I’m sick of being the one on the sofa & I’ll stay in the nearest hotel / B&B instead.

I think it's often gone the other way tbh.

If a child offered me sweets I would decline or pretend to take ONE (certainly not a handful!)

I'm more likely to offer my bed to a guest as I have the biggest bed in the house. I'm also as likely to sit on the floor as my kids are (they are teens so adult sized btw) This is because of the order of sitting - I wouldn't want them to stand if they were there first.

I agree the sweet bit is shitty. I’d take one or none at all.

That's just manners isn't it? I never minded giving up a bed for an adult guest- it was quite often an adventure anyway.

And it would just have felt odd to take a space on the sofa or a chair while an adult had nowhere to sit.

I guess the logic is that kids (who don't have illnesses or injuries) can get comfy wherever while us adults are a bit more creaky!

Hmm. Mixed feelings on this. Children are usually lighter and therefore an air mattress is less uncomfortable for them. Plus, I like to make my guests feel at home, and a mattress in a hallway wouldn't do that. We move the kids into the same room if we need one of their beds, not the hallway, but maybe your parents didn't have space to do that.

I would also expect my kids to be polite enough to offer an adult a space on a sofa, rather than them end up on a floor.

But I do agree children should not be forced to give up all their sweets.

Many children these days seem to behave like little emperors and expect the world to revolve around them and to never have to defer to adults. Which is not healthy either.

I wouldn't kick a child out of their room or give up my own bed (I have RA and hypermobility). If guests came they would have to sleep in a spare room or on a sofa bed or we wouldn't have room. I was also kicked out of my room as a kid and swore it wouldn't happen to my own children. I am an introvert and very private so I don't like others being in my bedroom except for my husband, cats or any future children.

I also wouldn't expect my child to share their present with other adults if it was chocolate or sweets, we would have a tin of chocolates to share with guests.

I suppose I approach things differently really as if someone had to be kicked out of their room or sit on the floor then we don't have enough room and that's that. I don't automatically associate respect with age though, which after my childhood is probably understandable. I try to do nice things for people whenever I can, but I suppose there is an element of selfishness in the way I would prioritise my nucleur families space and happiness. Being an introvert I am not a fan of guests in general though if I am being totally honest. Our place is too small.

Back in the day, in Indian households, the kids would also have been expected to start breakfast in the morning (ie put the chai on, or start making paratha dough) or iron clothes / nip to the shops/ tidy up the house before the adults woke up. Didn’t harm me and in fact I think it has made me more considerate as a human being

You teach kids those things so they learn to share and be compassionate people.
In fact the only part of this idea I don’t agree with is standing on public transport, short of a pregnant person, elderly, disabled or in need of a seat then I think kids don’t need and really shouldn’t give up their seat for an abled adult

It’s about manners and treating people with respect.

I agree Grumpy. Kids need to learn to pitch in and be taught to think of others..else they won't!

Mean about the sweets though.

I always had to sit on the floor as a child at family gatherings and now I expect my children to do the same. Children generally find it more comfortable than adults do.

I was always told that children should respect their elders, and that giving up their bed / seat on the sofa / last remaining dining chair and sitting on a box, was a way of showing that respect.

Now I'm an adult with a child of my own, I'm not sure I'd agree. But I think my parents were only repeating things that had been said when they were growing up, behaviours that were expected of them. [At least, I hope so, as DM was most definitely of the opinion that keeping men happy was more important that equality.]

When I was growing up it was always me that got kicked out of my bed (or sometimes even the house) for guests. Never my brother.

And then a few years back I was completely flabbergasted when my mum (who was always the one who made arrangements when guests came to stay) told me how she'd insisted o sleeping on the sofa when she went to a cousin's house because it wasn't right to make a child move out of their bed.

Said child was male though so I think it has something to do with that - my mother has always shown her favourtism to males whether it's my brother, his friends, male cousins, even my husband.

The sweets thing was weird and I think a bit unfair. I wouldn't take a handful of sweets from a child's gift

Ofgs. I saw the thread title and I thought, not in this house they don't. But then you are talking about petty shit like tidying your room and making space for a guest and sharing your sweets. Honestly. The drama.

most adults find floor sitting a lot more uncomfortable than children do. Same with inflatable or foldable beds - they’re much comfier if you weigh 20kg than if you weigh 60+.
Having said that my ds has a mid sleeper so I wouldn’t offer it to guests anyway, we just won’t have overnight guests till we can convert our loft.

Children are seen as lesser in lots of ways, they are expected to bow down to adults and be demeaned and belittled in mostly small and sometimes big ways as it’s supposed to teach ‘respect’, all it taught me was shit self esteem, to hate adults and to want to put drawing pins on their chairs and in their beds.

We don't have guests to stay but the other stuff is fine and teaches DC kindness, compassion, respect for their elders, not just any old elder but a family member.
These days kids won't offer their seat in a bus, think nothing of stuffing their faces in front of others without sharing.
We were waiting on DD at an appointment, DS had a mini box of smarties, he offered the DC beside him a sweet, it made me really proud.
I think the issue in society is no many want to put themselves out for others, it is a sad reality.

Giving up a seat for an adult - fine. Children seem to prefer sitting/sprawling about the floor anyway. Giving up beds: occasionally needed here, but they get a nice comfy mattress at least and enjoy the change of scenery.

Adults eating kids’ sweets/treats: might encourage offering some out, but would expect adults to say no or take a small amount (1 sweet from a packet, not handfuls). In fact I often remind them that their own things are theirs and they do sometimes have things they don’t have to share at all if they don’t want to, like sweets they’ve bought with their own money. I’d like them to be kind and generous but not pushovers.

I am asian, grew up in an asian household and everything you have described I have done. It was very much the norm when I was growing up and tbh I would expect the same from my kids re. Offering their sweets around before eating them themselves or offering up a seat to someone older. I think that is just good manners. I wouldn't however offer up my kids bedrooms though. We have a spare room and if that wasn't enough I would offer them my living room sofa or floor.

The only bit that seems unfair is having to share round your sweets. What you describe is how things generally used to be. It is somewhat different these days but I think most people would still put a child rather than an adult guest on a blow up bed. I was always told that, as childern pay half fare on public transport they should give up their seat to an adult, particularly if they looked like they needed it. Obviously not if the child has a need to sit or is too young to be steady on their feet.

It's basic good manners. How strange that you don't realise this.

Oh what a deprived childhood you've had. Boohoo! 🙄

Mine are expected to move downstairs to the basement bunk beds when their grandparents stay. I’m not expecting octogenarians to climb up to the top bunk or cough up for a hotel, having paid a shit ton of money to come and see us
They love seeing their grandparents. For years dd2 didn’t want to move back to her own bedroom when they left as all mucking in downstairs was warmer, cosier and she had company sharing with her siblings. She would cry when it was time to sleep in her own room.
I make them cook too.
What a bunch of drama over nothing.