To wonder why children are always the first ones to get the short end of the stick?

[Norealreasontopost]

I remember being little and my parents having guests over, I'd always have to tidy my room within an inch of its life, then get kicked out of it and sleep on a blow up bed in the hallway so the guest could have my bed. The guest would usually be one of my aunts, an adult woman who imo as the guest, should be the one on the sofa or blow up bed.

I remember getting packets of sweets at christmas or for my birthday, and being forced to offer them around before I could have any, and everyone would take giant handfuls until there was only about 2 left.

If I was on the sofa and an adult walked in, I was expected to immediately move to the floor so they could sit down (even if I was there first!) And we are talking healthy 30 somethings, not people who actually need the seat due to sore backs, arthritis, etc.

I've spoken to other people my own age, and my experiences seem quite common, so I'm just wondering why people seem to think kids should bend over backwards to accomodate them, just because they're kids? I'm not sure if this is such a thing anymore, but I would never dream of kicking my children out of their rooms for guests.

It’s not relevant here, however DD is at her dads this weekend and she isn’t expected to give up her room for guests.

An offer from a child, fine. An expectation? Absolutely not.

Well, it's not about the short end of the stick. It's about consideration and manners. Both of which are important in life. It should come in a cycle because as an adult you then benefit from it. However that doesn't work if parents decide their children aren't going to show that consideration.

Guests don’t sleep in my child’s bed but it’s a bit much to say guests - because they are guests - should be on the floor.

Imagine thinking being taught basic manners is the shitty end of the stick

Somewhere along the way, things swapped over - as a child I was expected to move from my bed when visitors came, as young adults, my DH and I always gave up our bed to our DPs when they visited as a couple (or one of our DC did so for a single visitor). It was just what you did as a good host.
As we bedded down at our DS's house the other week - me on the sofa, DH on the floor - we wondered when/if we would ever be the guests that were given the comfortable bed - and we came to the conclusion that we'd missed our chance somewhere...!

And I wouldn’t take my DD’s treats and eat them, but I wouldn’t have her opening and eating things in front of others - rude. She will give up her seat on the bus when she’a a bit older (assuming she is still fit and well) for a more vulnerable person, not just for every adult she sees. And she - like me - will be expected to make sure guests have a seat before she does, unless she is pregnant or ill.

We bought a house with a spare room to negate any of this hand-wringing. When we have lots of guests over New Year the DC of all the families all tend to bunk up in one room, one set of adults in another, another set of adults on the blow up bed and another couple of sets of adults on the sofas. It works, nobody seems to mind and nobody seems resentful.

I don't think I'd make the DC move out of their bedrooms for guests, though; I wasn't ever made to as a child and am not sure I'd want my DC to think they'd been booted out of their bedrooms. They still manage to have (mostly) excellent manners and consideration for others, so I don't buy that this is the way to teach them those things.

The whole point is that rights (the right to the best bed, the right to a seat on the bus) generally come with responsibilities (often to pay for stuff such as a bud ticket). Children don't have such responsibilities, they don't pay for anything or provide/produce it. They are a burden on society! So why not expect them to defer to the people who do provide/produce, where these things are incidental (sweets, a bus seat, a slightly comfier bed).

A lot of older people, like me, in my 50s, find it very hard to sit on the floor. Kids sit on the floor all the time, at school, and are fine with it.

Adults rarely get given sweets, and it's not so bad to teach kids to share their sweets, because when I do get chocs I will often share them with kids.

I don't kick my kids out of their rooms but I do think it is nice if they can give up their room to sleep in a tent in the dinning room or on the sofa, it's fun for them sometimes.

My dm had a sad story about sharing sweets in hospital in the 1950s. She'd had her appendix removed and her father, who was an arse by all accounts, actually visited her and bought her a quarter of lemon barleys. The matron made sure my mum put them on the tea trolley. By the time the trolley got to my mum, all of the sweets were gone. They were the only thing he ever bought just for her.

My mum never made us share sweets. Everything else was fair game, like giving up your bed, but sweets were the sole for the gifted person. We always shared, but after we'd had a few ourselves.

These experiences often colour our views.

She was also given a plastic beatles wig. She said that matron never got her hands on that!

As we bedded down at our DS's house the other week - me on the sofa, DH on the floor - we wondered when/if we would ever be the guests that were given the comfortable bed - and we came to the conclusion that we'd missed our chance somewhere...!

If it's any consolation, it's even worse if you're single. Even if there are some spare rooms going but not enough for everyone, you are nearly ALWAYS the one who ends up on the sofa / floor. That's why I've started staying somewhere nearby if necessary, I'm utterly sick of it.

I wonder who these adults are who happily kick kids out of their rooms. I wouldn't sleep in a kid's room whilst the kid was relegated to the hall floor! Neither would I move my kids for guests. Best not to have guests

My kids do have to give up their beds. They quite frequently sleep on the floor through choice and do not find it uncomfortable. I wouldn't be able to though so suspect their nan wouldn't either. That said my kids don't mind... Same goes for sofas. For sharing sweets though, my family just wouldn't take big handfuls if my kids offered them around. That would be mean.

Expecting kids to give up their sweets to adults is mean.
DD is usually the obvious choice to move out of bed at the moment mainly because she sleeps like a log anywhere and given half the chance would rather sleep with me (or the guest if it's nan or grandad) anyway. When she's older and needs her privacy more it'll probably be me and dh on the sofa bed in the front room.
I wouldn't expect DD to give up the sofa for adult guests but it would be polite if she did. If we ran out of seats and had guests round me, or DH are as likely to give a seat up as DD because its just a nice thing to do as hosts.
I think teaching kids to be good gracious hosts is good parenting and different to leaving them at the bottom of the pecking order.
In my family it's mum's who always get the short end of everything.

“As we bedded down at our DS's house the other week - me on the sofa, DH on the floor - we wondered when/if we would ever be the guests that were given the comfortable bed - and we came to the conclusion that we'd missed our chance somewhere...!“

That’s interesting and reminds me of something I’ve noticed. Now and then, I see surveys about which age-group of people in the U.K. are happiest. And every single time I’ve seen one, my age group has always been the least happy. I know this as every time, I’ve always thought things will begin to improve, and they never really have.

I am also aware that my generation (50ish) are supposedly the first to be less well off than our parents. And I find myself wondering whether any age range will suddenly come with a wave of contentment, or whether the reality is that my generation are just generally less happy because of all the societal changes, including those listed here.

And we eobder why kids are growing up to be entitled snowflakes who think the world ows them a living.

Understanding there is a natural order / hierarchy is a good lesson to learn and gives children something to aim for, it's only like how the year 6s get to sit in a bench for assembly rather than the floor.

And it is a practical fact. I remember in my teens and early 20s being fine crashing at someone's house literally on the floor and woke up feeling fine. In my late 30s of that was the only option I wouldn't go to whatever it is as I'd be too uncomfortable and wake up feeling terrible.

I would think it was very rude to stay somewhere where I was on an airbed whilst kids slept in a bed. If I didn't have a spare room my kids would definitely be kicked out their beds.

Taking all a kid's sweets though is definitely poor form though

It’s about manners and treating people with respect.

But who is respecting the kids? No one

OP, yours just sounds like a slightly more extreme or perhaps too rigidly enforced version of what would otherwise be OK and normal.

Tidying rooms is just looking after your living environment and sharing sweets is just polite. The giant handfjlls is unfair I grant you. Again, most kids have to give up their room at some point, but being put in the hall seems like overkill - couldn't you be in with your parents or in te sitting room?

Just feels like your family were perhaps a bit cold about it Or didn't really explain.

I had the exact same experience. I always thought it was a respect your elders sort of thing.

I’m still the one sat on the floor as I’m the youngest. Even at 28 so I refuse to go round anymore

However I did spend a lot of money on a really nice pocket sprung sofa bed so that adults of pretty much any age could sleep on it if necessary! Or I could sleep their myself. I don't think adults really would choose a child's room over a room that wasn't full of toys /decorated like a spaceship!

I had made my kids move beds before, it's usually only for a night or 2. Sometimes they have bunked down in our bedroom, i can hardly ask adult guests to do that! Also guests we have had to stay have sonetimes been 80+. There is no way i am not going to provide a proper bed for them when one could be made available.
When i was a kid and we had guests sonetimes at the dining table me or a sibling had to sit on a stool so the guests could get a proper chair. I never found it a big deal. The sweets thing sounded crap bit other than that i really don't think its that much of an ordeal.

Growing up, we had the rule that if you wanted to eat sweets in front of others, you had to offer them around first. Obviously, if we in turn were offered sweets, we knew to have only one or refuse.

DSS have been taught that their sweets are their own so sit munching in full view without offering them around.

I know which system I prefer.

My mother told me that they taste better when you share. I honestly believe that they do taste better when shared.

Good manners, teaches them respect and that there is a pecking order.

Saw a story about a pregnant woman having to stand whilst an elderly couple had taken their booked train seats. The woman had three children who were seated. At least one of them should have stood and allowed her to sit. Instead we were all invited to judge the elderly couple.

I don’t like kids under 8 giving up their seats for adults (unless giving up to someone with limited mobility or pregnant) as they seem more wobbly! Although I guess they could sit on parents knees where available.

I would turf mine out their rooms and put them in our room until they reached a certain age.

I also like the idea of if your eating sweets in front of people then you have to share. My DD is only 8 months so not an issue yet.

I guess I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about all of this because of my own upbringing though...