DM upset she won't be a grandma to a girl

[GoWhistle]

NC so this doesn't follow me around - my DM phoned today to tell me DB is expecting his forth healthy boy (scan was done this morning) DB and I don't speak but I wish his family well.

After telling me the news, DM said "I'm just gutted you won't be giving me the opportunity to be a grandmother to a girl" and she started crying. I reminded her that she has three lovely grandsons and another on the way. She replied saying she would have loved a granddaughter and continued crying. I said I had to go and ended the phone call.

She knows DH & I are infertile after years of heartache, AIBU to think she's being somewhat tactless? Or am I only seeing it from my POV?!

Next time she pulls a number like this tell her that the root of her misery is believing the world revolves around her.

Incredibly tactless and downright unkind

My mil has 4 grandsons and won't be getting any more grandchildren. I know part of her was disappointed when we found out we were having another boy, but she never said a word and loves her grandsons to pieces. Your mum's behaviour is not ok at all.

It’s not you, it’s her.
Sorry,I can’t give a bigger full stop

I won't be having any grandchildren and I can't deny I'm disappointed BUT my disappointment is my own.

My children do not owe me anything; I don't 'deserve' to have grandchildren (nor do I deserve not to; I am irrelevant in this equation).

My kids would, had things been different, have loved to have babies. I'm certainly not adding to their disappointment.

It enrages me how some people believe they're automatically entitled to grandchildren. It's a wildly self-absorbed attitude. Add in the fact of your infertility, and your mother's behaviour is appalling. I'm so sorry, OP. Hope you're ok.

Wow she is a selfish cow... I am so sorry you can't have little ones, I am sure that hurts you so much and to have your nose rubbed in it by your own Mother is beyond cruel, Hugs to you xxxx

That is cold!

Wow, her comments and crying are shocking. She's incredibly insentive towards you and also completely ungrateful. Sorry OP, that's really unfair on you.

Wow what a way to make someone else's issues all about you! I think it's more than tasteless, tactless is saying something without thinking not banging on about it and expecting someone to comfort you over your reaction to their issues. Bizarre

Omg, that sounds EXACTLY like something my own mother tends to say, as DH and I are in the same boat. Unfortunately, LC/NC is the only way through, they never change. I really empathise.

(((( GoWhistle ))))

@Hecateh you sound lovely. Feeling disappointed is totally understandable but sharing that disappointment would be pretty shocking.

I hope there are lovely little people in one way or another.

OP You do understand that your mother has NPD?

So sorry

Jesus Christ on a quadbike. Screw her. Tesco has ice cream.

Your brother must be a serial killer if you are still speaking to your mother and not him. What a self centred, insensitive, nasty piece of work she is. Sorry - I know she’s your mum, but she needs to have a serious word with herself.

Oh my word, outrageous behaviour. Even without the infertility she should be over the moon whatever sex any grandchild is. What a horrible woman she sounds. Sorry OP

I suppose to be very very charitable, there could be a tiny chance it wa a misjudged attempt to acknowledge your grief, and that the pregnancy news may be tough for you. Just done extremely clumsily.

But, I suspect you know full well it wasn't. OP, that's awful.

Your DM sounds a self-centred and selfish woman, and very insensitive. Perhaps tell her to look at situations from others' point of view not just her own.

Wow. I thought that was cold when I I read the title and misunderstood who was having the baby.

I’m absolutely astonished that a woman could be so thoughtless to her own daughter.

My mum makes weird noises over girls clothes when we shop together (because I have DSs) and I think that’s fucked up enough.

I wonder why they think they’d have a better relationship with a granddaughter than their own daughters?!

Plain fucking nasty. It’s all about her, is it?

She knows DH & I are infertile after years of heartache, AIBU to think she's being somewhat tactless?

I think this episode must be the tip of an iceberg if you even has to ask whether she was inappropriate in the circumstances.

Her behaviour isn't 'tactless' - it's cruel, selfish and irrational. It would be ridiculously self-indulgent even without the fact of your fertility struggles but that takes it to a whole other level.

Speaking as someone who probably won't see any grandchildren, I think she is being utterly ridiculous. She is so fortunate.

That's not tactless-it's way beyond that, just downright nasty!

How has she managed to be so hideous to you and your brother at the same time? That's a really special skill FFS

Tell her it's such a shame you won't know what it's like to have a sensitive, caring empathetic mother. And start crying.