A womans assurance that she is using contraception.

[perkypink]

I'm not too sure how to title this.

A man and a woman enter into an adult consensual sexual relationship. The woman assures the man that she is using contraception (whether or not this is being used correctly is a different matter) and is happy to have sex without a condom (whether this is explicitly expressed or not). It is assumed when they have consensual sex and a condom is not used. A woman falls pregnant.

I don't understand why when the woman falls pregnant and the man wants to absolve his parental responsibility does the calls of 'was he using a condom' start. No - he wasn't using a condom because there was an assurance that contraception was being used and you were happy without using a condom.

When you are having that initial conversation about contraception and a woman assures a man she is using contraception and is happy without using a condom I feel the shouts blame on the man after when he doesn't want to be a father is sometimes unfair when he has acted on the word of the woman.

I am really interested to hear other peoples thoughts on the matter. Should there be better sex ed and should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

Cleverplayonwords

Our legal definition in the UK is problematic, but if a drunk man wakes up to find a woman having sex with him, how is it not rape?

3 dates

If you have sex there is always a risk of pregnancy regardless of contraception

They can both use contraception to protect themselves and their is less of a risk

But responsibility has to be taken once a women becomes pregnant- it’s her choice to choose to terminate or carry that because women should always have full autonomy over their own bodies

As men do when they choose to have sex

The things is a man only has choices and option BEFORE the baby is conceived. So if he's that adamant he does not want a child he should take as many steps necessary to prevent fathering a child.

Women have choices before and after conceiving that child,and rightly so. They can also change their minds.

In my opinion, many many men are happy to buy the "i'm on the pill", "I can't conceive " etc lines because they prefer to go bare back. There's also not much comeback if they just fuck off . No one can make them raise a child, and it's hard enough to make them pay for that child too.

Personally, if I don't know someone well enough to be able to trust that they will tell me the truth then I don't know them well enough to have unprotected sex (no condom) with them. Condoms are more than contraceptives. They protect your health.

*My best friend went on 2 dates with a woman before sleeping with her on the 3rd.

She told him she was on the pill and that she took it because she was allergic to latex, therefore meaning he couldn't use the condoms he'd bought if they were to sleep together.*

Your friend clearly chose the option of instant gratification over actually getting to know this person and deciding if she was trustworthy and truthful. Thats fine, but in now way can he now cry about the consequences. This is no different to me sleeping with a guy without protection after 3 dates and then whining because he told me he was "clean" and I now have an STD. Neither of comes out of this scenario a hero- we are both idiots.

What’s the purpose of this question?

All contraception has a small failure rate even when used perfectly, which it very often isn’t.

If a woman doesn’t want to become pregnant she should be using contraception.

If a man doesn’t want to risk his partner becoming pregnant he should be using contraception.

If both want to avoid the risk of STIs that contraception should include condoms.

As for ”I agree OP. It's unrealistic and unfair to expect a man to use a condom for his whole life unless trying for children“ perhaps if more women did exactly that there would be more male contraceptive options available. Instead the responsibility is always palmed off on women no pun intended!

@ShowYourselfLucifer your friend is pretty stupid tbh. Latex free condoms and average age of menopause is 51.

Thanks @cleverplayonwords

@ThreeLittleDots It wouldn't legally be rape. Perhaps she could be tried for sexual assault but that carries a lighter sentence than rape.

I also roll my eyes a little at this 'contraception failure' argument. Funnily enough it always happens to women who were planning on another child but the father wasn't keen.

Well this is utter bollocks.

I ended up pregnant on the pill.

I took it religiously because I Absolutely Did Not Want Children. At all.

Ever.

I was also an unemployed student living at home.

Dp and I had been together for a few years. The kids thing was a bone of contention between us because he wanted them and I didn't.

When I told him he was delighted and I couldn't bring myself to have a termination.

Turns out it was the best decision I ever made but I sure as shit didn't get knocked up 'accidentally on purpose'.

That first double line felt like I'd just been handed a death sentence.

If a man has sex with a woman who claims to be on, say, the pill when she's not actually using contraception at all then that man has not given informed consent.

Regardless of whether he should have used a condom or not, he still hasn't given IC. Even if he DID use a condom, he still hasn't given IC. Whether this is rape or not is another matter. But it certainly isn't right.

should boys be told never to trust anybodys word on whether they are using contraception?

Yes. Could you imagine the outrage though? Boys being told that females are not to be trusted.

No one can make them raise a child

This is true. It's also true to say that the woman is not forced to continue with an accidental pregnancy. She can choose what she wants to do. No one can make them raise a child.

On another thread

A poster spoke of research into the efficiency of the pill...apparently (and logically if you ask me) there are a small number of women who take the pill correctly, but it doesnt work for them

It sounded very interesting

My ex claims in tricked him into having (4) children when he never once used a condom. I didn’t lie about being on any contraception either. He refuses to see them because I “tricked” him. If a man doesn’t want children then he should use contraception. Not that he would agree with that.

Whether this is rape or not is another matter.

Hint..it's not.

Mainly because women can't rape. The crime of rape requires a penis.

For those claiming the guy should use condoms they split and fail more frequently than the contraceptive pill.

So what happens then?

I think it's fairly straightforward, isn't it? The man uses a condom and the woman uses whatever contraception she feels comfortable with.

Or they abstain.

Sex always carries a risk of pregnancy and to pretend this isn't so is shockingly naive.

Oh, and @perkypink, still waiting to know what your AIBU question is ...

'informed consent' are just words. If a man willingly and knowingly puts his penis in a woman's vagina and deposits his sperm there he knows that there is a risk of stis and pregnancy, he has a choice at any time not to do this, it is very clear cut and very simple.

For those claiming the guy should use condoms they split and fail more frequently than the contraceptive pill.

20 years using condoms never had one split. However should it happen both parties have responsibility if pregnancy occurs. The women has body autonomy so decides if pregnancy continues as its her body that has to grow and birth the baby and the man should except the responsibility of fatherhood.

Doesnt matter what she says if you dont wabt a kid you put your little rain jacket on but naaah bare feels too good why cant the stupid bitch just pop a pill.

You know what I find baffling?

That despite so many men being "trapped" , "deceived" , "having children forced on them" etc. there's absolutely no major male movement anywhere in the world about funding and researching more male contraception methods.

You'd think they'd like something handy and convenient like a male pill or even a long term method. But nope, all they do is whinge about wicked women and happily have unprotected sex until a baby is conceived and then they're suddenly a victim.

It's like it might not even be as big of an issue as they'd like us to believe.

So what happens then?

Woman decides whether to take MAP. A few weeks later possibly decides to take a pregnancy test. Depending on result, possibly decides to book a termination or continue pregnancy.

Obviously.

No contraceptive is 100% effective. If you absolutely do not want to father a child the only answer is to not have sex.

If men choose to have sex conception is always a risk and they know, or should bloody well know that. They aren't babies, they are responsible for their choices.