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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my work are trying to penalise me for not wearing makeup or dresses?

676 replies

Name1Changer123 · 25/10/2019 18:41

I work in a large office, there is no official dress code or uniform but men are expected to wear suits, and women 'to look presentable and buisnesslike'. I'm not girly and I don't like dresses or skirts so I usually wear just a blouse and ordinary black trousers. I never wear high heels or makeup because I don't feel the need to alter my face every morning and I can't walk in high heels.

A couple of times comments have been made about making sure we look presentable, seemingly directed at everyone in general so I just ignored them as I presumed I did.

Well this morning I was called in for a chat with my manager who said there had been a few comments that I didn't seem to be putting any effort in to look presentable and could I make sure I'm following the dress code (which is just to 'look presentable). Yes I basically just wear a blouse and trousers every day, but surely that is business like? The only reason I can think of why I'm not 'presentable' is my lack of make up. I'm literally the only one who doesn't wear any. There are ladies in my office who wear a blouse and a skirt and they never seem to get told off so aibu to think my office is trying to get me to wear makeup?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 27/10/2019 11:47

Dint, that's exactly how it is where I work now! Such a relief.

FreeBedForFlys · 27/10/2019 12:04

Op you sound lovely. Like some others I despair of this place sometimes 🙄

Movinghouseatlast · 27/10/2019 12:06

This is very interesting.

I am all in favour of being able to wear what you lime as long as you are clean and professional.

I think in the environment you describe they want you to wear the female equivalent of a male business suit. So, a suit (trousers or skirt) or a dress and jacket/smart cardigan. It is looking a bit dressed up really. Black trousers and a blouse is generic 'woman at work' wear. It isn't business smart unless they look 'dressed up' and a bit posh- which doesn't necessarily mean expensive. I used to get my work clothes from Jigsaw in the sale, or you can get incredible brands second hand from ebay. Loads of people sell stuff, including shoes, that have only been worn a few times.

I have a friend at work who for 20 years has been talked about behind her back for looking scruffy/sloppy. It has hampered her career to be honest.

She steadfastly says that her clothes are what are described as business smart. But they aren't because the clothes themselves are old and tired looking. For example she used to rotate 2 t shirts which she wore under the same jacket for 10 years! She was always very clean and groomed but her clothes really did look old and tired. I have left that job now but toards the end she had started to wear dark black jeans and cowboy boots. She insisted that the jeans counted as trousers!

Bodyposiftw · 27/10/2019 12:34

I do nothing to my eyebrows either, nor do I do anything to my nails except clip them. I never had any comments and if anything people say my outfits are nice etc. My point being there is zero need to do anything to your eyebrows or nails and if anyone dares suggest otherwise to you you would have every right to be angry. It's ridiculous.

GothMummy · 27/10/2019 12:40

OP sounds so sensible and level headed. I would have been really upset by some of the comments from people here if I had posted that question.

In my office we all just do our best to brush the dog hair off ourselves each day!

Bodyposiftw · 27/10/2019 12:43

Gothmummy I agree. OP has remained calm and dignified. Surely these qualities are more desirable in the workplace than any fancy outfit.

Catmaiden · 27/10/2019 13:09

Good luck OP tomorrow. You sound like it's nothing you've done or not done and it's all about mysogeny :(

LolaSmiles · 27/10/2019 13:11

GothMummy
The OP has been great and has a good way forward.

To be honest though, people discussing work outfits and how different items of clothing can look smart/CBA/polished/poorly fitting etc isn't anyone saying the OP is any of those things.

I think Movinghouseatlast sums it up quite well. It's not being unpleasant to acknowledge that some outfits may sound ok paper but not look the part.

I think that's why I've found this thread eye opening. I'm not surprised some people have strong feelings either way on hair/make up, but it's bizarre how many people seem to think there's no difference in different levels of smartness / groomed, and amazing how many people seem to think that comments surrounding smartness must equal a very narrow view of stereotypical femininity despite loads of people saying it has nothing to do with high heels, tight clothes, etc

WelcomeToTheAssEatery · 27/10/2019 13:14

This reply has been deleted

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Bodyposiftw · 27/10/2019 13:28

WelcomeToTheA what a twattish comment. Go troll somewhere else.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 27/10/2019 14:13

I wonder if it is less to do with your appearance and more to do with him feeling inadequate around you? Are you taller than him? I am not tall especially, 5'9", but have worked for managers shorter than me who were clearly intimidated by a taller woman. If you are good at your job as well, this could be his way of asserting his 'authority' over you.
Your attire sounds fine, I truly appreciate the difficulties of getting reasonably priced shoes - as I said upthread, I struggle to find anything to fit my ultra wide size 9 feet. So I do wonder if there is anything else behind his comments. Certainly the small man who I once worked for never lost an opportunity to make himself 'bigger' - he only ever succeeded in making himself look pathetic.

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 27/10/2019 15:21

Good luck for raising it tomorrow @Name1Changer123 not that I think you are in a position to need luck on your side. Everything you've described sounds absolutely fine so I'd be interested to hear what your boss says by way of explanation.

This is not about watches or eyebrows or nails or how expensive your clothes are Hmm

Span1elsRock · 27/10/2019 17:04

From your last update OP I can't see any issue.

Sounds perfectly acceptable.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/10/2019 21:39

Just been to a concert. While waiting for the pre-concert talk to begin, I amused myself by using the rules on this thread to decide whether other members of the audience were office-presentable. A man came to talk to the man in front of me who even I would regard as not office presentable. Washed out denims, a crumpled cheesecloth shirt that even I would have ironed. Turned out he was our speaker. And very good he was too.

PenelopeFlintstone · 27/10/2019 21:51

I am fucking grateful I don't work with the likes of you.
Me too!!
I’ve worked with four other women for nearly 6 years and I’ve never seen their legs, this thread has made me realise. Some have dyed hair, including me. Some wear make-up, including me most of the time.
But bugger working in a place where people will look side-eyed at me on the days I don’t put it on!!

queenbodenica · 27/10/2019 22:00

Good luck tomorrow OP

thehorseandhisboy · 27/10/2019 22:04

Best of luck for tomorrow Name1Changer123. Definitely ask your manager to put his specific requirements in writing - I think that will likely be the end of the matter tbh, unless he wants to create a potential sex discrimination or harassment case against himself.

I can't believe that you're having to describe your personal hygiene and grooming habits in such detail.

The problem is your manager's attitude and conduct towards you, not your choice not to wear make up or clothes that aren't comfortable.

Aroundnabout1 · 28/10/2019 07:59

It's a bit of a form of psychological bullying being told you dont fit in but not being told why? Maybe if he'd said "You need to wear a suit...or that shirt is creased".... but to be so vague is not on. It is similar to that feeling you get at school when you can't join the 'popular girls' gang but you dont know why. The OP seems a nice, decent person and this unecessary distress seems quite cruel when she's doing her job and seems fine in every way. Hope you get some answers because they've treated you shabbily.

CheekyWombat101 · 28/10/2019 08:22

Good luck getting to the bottom of it today!

SerenDippitty · 28/10/2019 08:24

good luck OP. Been following the thread and it doesn’t seem to me you are doing anything wrong dress wise.

MurderOfGoths · 28/10/2019 08:42

Good luck OP.

As someone who also refuses to wear makeup to work everyday (lie in > putting makeup on) I'm horrified at some of the bizarre reactions on this thread.

MereDintofPandiculation · 28/10/2019 09:26

(lie in > putting makeup on) You see, that's the CBA attitude people are talking about. The "needs of the office" should trump your own personal needs 24 hours a day Grin

MurderOfGoths · 28/10/2019 09:31

I'm pretty certain my workplace needs me refreshed and non-tired rather than tired but pretty. Luckily I work for a sane company, so they value me for what I can do not what I look like.

(FWIW I'm clean and well presentedm just without makeup)

blowmybarnacles · 28/10/2019 09:49

My guess is he's been watching the Apprentice and thinks all women in 'business' wear a face full of make up, hair blow dried every day, expensive outfits and run around town in high heels. They are not representative!
I wish I could still wear heels like that

LakieLady · 28/10/2019 09:58

Katharine Hepburn and Diane Keaton. I've thrown Gwendoline Christie for good measure. She's over 6' tall and looks absolutely stunning.

They all look fantastic, @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g. Annie Lennox and
Bianca Jagger have a similar style and look terrific, too.

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