Aibu to want to be a Mrs even though I'm now divorced?

[flirtygirl]

I kept my maiden name and used my married name for the years I was married (13). The married name I've been changing over now but for years I was Miss C Smith or Mrs C Smith Jones (both show on my credit report, passport is in one and driving licence in the other) .

I now want to be Mrs C Smith instead of Miss.

No idea why but it hurts me for people to think I'm a single mum who has never been married, is it my internalised misogyny?

I know it shouldn't matter to be but it does.

The point of Ms is that it doesn't show marital status, like Mr.

You can do whatever you're comfortable with

I want to just be a Mrs as I'm 57. A miss suggests spinster and Ms a lesbian or uptight feminist. Those are the preconceptions.
An adult male is always Mr, an adult female should always be just Mrs, just one.
Why do we have to define our status with different prefixes?

Madcat "A miss suggests spinster and Ms a lesbian or uptight feminist. Those are the preconceptions."

Where did you hear this stuff?!

I was a Miss for 20 years and a Mrs for nearly as long. I’m divorced and don’t feel like either of those now so Ms does the job. Haven’t bothered changing it on anything pre existing yet though. Kept my married name as I want to have the same surname as my children.

Frankly, everyone assumes "Mrs" if you have children. I prefer "Ms". I don't bother correcting anyone - including the ones who know I'm divorced. They all automatically say "Mrs" without asking. Perhaps it is down to local idiosyncrasies? Whatever your personal preference, YANBU.

A miss suggests spinster and Ms a lesbian or uptight feminist.

oh FFS, it's 2019

If those are the preconceptions I'd rather be Miss/Ms feminist lesbian spinster with hundreds of cats, just as many lovers, and the complete works of simone de beauvoir than some boring man's wife.

I think it does scream internalised misogyny yes.

I wish anyone would think something as exciting as a feminist lesbian about me, changing my title to Ms tomorrow.

The point of Ms is that it doesn't show marital status, like Mr.

I'm perfectly happy with people knowing whether I am, or have been, married.

Like wearing a wedding ring, it has its benefits.

I just did a sanity check and looked it up in the dictionary

Some people had a big plate of crazy for dinner.

Ms is nothing to do with divorce, it's just neutral - this person is a woman.

I still use my married name with Mrs. Why the fuck not? I was a single mother after the divorce, the child was born within the marriage. She wanted me to have the same name as her, so I stayed 'Mrs Y'. And now I'm used to it.

I also use Ms. On things like bank details. I only insist on Mrs where people try to address me by my first name. I find that level of familiarity very offensive.

You call yourself whatever you feel comfortable using. There are no rules and it's nobody's business but your own!

If people form the preconception that I am an “uptight feminist” as a result of my prefix...well, all I can say is that they may well be correct

Use Ms. It is no one else’s business. You really need to care less fucks about what other people think of you.

I'm 50 and I've been Ms since I was a teenager. It's the equivalent of Mr. Mrs and Miss both archaic to my ears.

You really need to care less fucks about what other people think of you.

Exactly. Which is why is insist on Mrs.

@ConFusion360 I'm perfectly happy with people knowing whether I am, or have been, married. Like wearing a wedding ring, it has its benefits.

What do you think those 'benefits' are?

Asking as a married woman who doesn't use 'Mrs' or wear a wedding ring.

You can have whatever title you like. It has no legal basis other than convention. You can even be doctor if you want.

Like wearing a wedding ring, it has its benefits. Such as?

Why don’t you use Mx?

I'm perfectly happy with people knowing whether I am, or have been, married.

Good for you? No one is stopping you.

The only really revolting terminology used to refer to women is 'maiden' name. The idea of your own or your husband's surname being an indication of whether or not your hymen is intact has to be about as repulsive and misogynistic as it gets. Not least, for a married woman such as yours truly who exercised my right to keeping my own name, it makes zero sense. I'd be at far more pains to reject this particular terminology than any other; for the same sort of reason that the Germans and French rejected the patronizing monikers of Fraulein and Mademoiselle.

Miss/Mrs/Ms are all abbreviations for 'mistress' so I don't understand the need for the differentiation. What's certain, though, is that everyone has the option of using 'Ms' if they so choose, ergo it's not norms of patriarchy who are insisting on that differentiation but women themselves.

In which case, there's not much anyone can say that stops short of foisting their own preferences on other people. By all means call yourself by whatever title you like, until the day comes, hopefully, when anything other than professional titles become entirely obsolete.

But denoting my own name my 'maiden' name? Ugh. That's offensive. My name is my name; no disclaimers accepted. Just ... no.