Aibu to want to be a Mrs even though I'm now divorced?

[flirtygirl]

I kept my maiden name and used my married name for the years I was married (13). The married name I've been changing over now but for years I was Miss C Smith or Mrs C Smith Jones (both show on my credit report, passport is in one and driving licence in the other) .

I now want to be Mrs C Smith instead of Miss.

No idea why but it hurts me for people to think I'm a single mum who has never been married, is it my internalised misogyny?

I know it shouldn't matter to be but it does.

@ConFusion360 I'd still love to know what you think the 'benefits' are of calling yourself Mrs and wearing a wedding ring - would you share?

My mum is Mrs xxxx

She got divorced around 35 years ago! (And ex husband has been deceased for about 15 years). I barely remember my father, but have only ever known my mum to refer to herself as Mrs xxxx

Why the hell not! Call yourself what you want! :)

The law in this land states that a woman takes their husband’s name.

Which law?

Yes, come over to the dark side and be a Ms! It'll be good for you and good for other women too, because the more of us that use Ms the closer we get to an actual neutral default title, a choice we are currently not afforded. Though I must admit I like the idea of being immediately identifiable as a mouthy feminist. Just to save time.

I'm widowed and remain Mrs

I'm actually laughing at some of the bollocks being spouted on this thread. Must tell DH I'm a divorced lesbian and feminist. The HORROR.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

The only really revolting terminology used to refer to women is 'maiden' name. The idea of your own or your husband's surname being an indication of whether or not your hymen is intact has to be about as repulsive and misogynistic as it gets. Not least, for a married woman such as yours truly who exercised my right to keeping my own name, it makes zero sense. I'd be at far more pains to reject this particular terminology than any other; for the same sort of reason that the Germans and French rejected the patronizing monikers of Fraulein and Mademoiselle.

I agree about 'maiden' name. It's not a 'maiden' name. It's my name. Always has been & always will be.

(I didn't get married in white or hang my bloodstained knickers out of the window the next morning either.)

This strange notion that Ms is for divorced women is a particularly British development. The use of Ms first arose in the US as a title that did not denote marital status. Happily, it still means that here in the US. And it is the default title for adult women, married, single, or divorced.

The law in this land says a woman takes her husband's name

😂

I'd laugh if I wasn't so embarrassed for you. Way to flag up your own ignorance.

Have a great time looking that law up

If people form the preconception that I am an “uptight feminist” as a result of my prefix...well, all I can say is that they may well be correct

Same here.

Ms is for women who do not want to be defined by their marital status - just as men aren’t defined by their marital status. I’ve been Ms all my life, unmarried and married. Any woman can use the title Ms - not just divorcees!

...is anyone ever tempted to check 'Rear Admiral' on hotel websites, or is that just me? Rear Admiral Drawn has such a nice ring to it.

Meanwhile, ffs, no, you don't automatically have the legal name of your husband. I despair.

I agree about maiden name. I say birth name back to anybody who asks my mother's maiden name. Hate it. If any body asked me me if my surname were my maiden name, id draw a sharp intake of breath!

My mum still has Mrs Dad's last name as her name. They divorced when I was about 13 and I'm 31 now. Do whatever you're comfortable with!

I am giving this too much thought.
Half way through the thread, I decided to be Ms.

Then people mentioned, divorced, feminist, spinster...

Now I'm back to thinking I'll be a Mrs, yet when married I adamantly kept Miss on a lot of things. I liked that Miss made me youthful and I was young then. In outlook as well as in spirit. Now 40, I don't want to be a Miss, that's for my daughters.

Someone up thread said Mrs = Mr,s. I had never seen it like that before. SO now I don't want to be Mrs either.

So I think I'm going with duchess.

The law in this land states that a woman takes their husband’s name

Sometimes it’s hard to know whether to laugh or cry.

Ms Birth Name. Always have been

I try calling my DD Ms and it gets changed to Miss which fucking pisses me off.

There's a lot of shite being thrown around with an air of authority on this thread.

What law, what jurisdiction, requires women to change their names on marriage? There is none. And Ms is a marital status agnostic title akin to Mr. It's precisely nothing to do with marital status. Technically.

Is the Name Crime Squad going to come and arrest me for having some (most) of my professional life as my "maiden" name?!

try calling my DD Ms and it gets changed to Miss which fucking pisses me off.

This! Surely they can decide what they prefer when they're older.. so I put Ms. Yet the GP surgery reception and the bank know better and put Miss on everything

These kinds of thread just make me a bit sad that the English speaking world adopted Ms, with the best of intentions, instead of just dropping Miss and using Mrs for everyone. The French just use Madame and the Germans just use Frau. Sadly, despite what was intended
, Ms has just added to the confusion and the pigeonholing of women.

he French just use Madame and the Germans just use Frau. Sadly, despite what was intended
, Ms has just added to the confusion and the pigeonholing of women.

I sort of agree, although I would question whether the French just use Madame. That has not been my experience, and I recall my French teacher (evening class) lamenting the day that she was first called Madame rather than Mademoiselle. That was four years ago.

“ Then people mentioned, divorced, feminist, spinster... ”
Ms does not mean any of those things. But even if it did- what’s wrong with any of those things?

The whole things is totally stupid. If pressed, I'm a 'Ms' because it's no randomer's fucking business, really. Instead of taking my husband's surname, or continuing with my father's, I adopted my middle name as my surname instead. Ha.

DH's ex wife had kept his name and was Mrs still and had the same initial as me. We both lived in the same (extremely small) town and were both Mrs B Smith. I kept getting her mail and she kept getting mine. People mixing up us in the paper, phone book etc. Was very upsetting for both of us. She changed her name in the end thank god!

Ms does not mean any of those things. But even if it did- what’s wrong with any of those things?

Equally, whats wrong with Mrs or Miss?

Equally, whats wrong with Mrs or Miss? It defines a woman in terms of her relationship with a man.