Aibu to want to be a Mrs even though I'm now divorced?

[flirtygirl]

I kept my maiden name and used my married name for the years I was married (13). The married name I've been changing over now but for years I was Miss C Smith or Mrs C Smith Jones (both show on my credit report, passport is in one and driving licence in the other) .

I now want to be Mrs C Smith instead of Miss.

No idea why but it hurts me for people to think I'm a single mum who has never been married, is it my internalised misogyny?

I know it shouldn't matter to be but it does.

I've used Ms my whole life, single or married. I mostly still use my maiden name.
My Mum continued to call herself by her married name post divorce. It was never commented on.

If you want to continue to call yourself Mrs then I think you should - who really cares?
I've been Ms since I've needed a title, I think Miss sounds like a little girl. My preference is for no title.

Or just go for broke and be Brigadier

I use Countess at work as its the first title in the list, no-one has queried it yet

I'm still a mrs, purely and simply because I couldn't be arsed with all the faffing necessary to change back to my maiden name. Although my water provider seems to think I'm a miss.
My mum, in my opinion was a weird one. She never reverted back to her maiden name, when she divorced my dad and when she entered into a civil partnership with her partner she still stayed with my dads surname, don't most people hyphenate or similar?

I think most people use Ms to show they were once married, but now aren't.

That isn't why Ms was first used. It's got nothing to do with being divorced - it began as a way of saying 'my marital status is none of your bloody business' because all men are designated Mr, married or whatever.

I'm married for the second time but have called myself Ms since I was 16 and single.

I doubt anyone but you will care. Do what makes you happiest

Very much this.

I've been Ms since I was a teenager, don't see why anyone should know or care about my marital status.

Thanks for the explanations of the origin of Ms, I genuinely didn't know that and went with the way my friends had used it to denote they were now divorced.

I've been divorced for nearly 20 years and I've kept my married surname but dropped the "Mrs" bit in favour of "Ms". The reason I'm still using his surname is that it's better than my maiden name and I wanted to keep mine and my daughters surnames the same.

Doesn't the title mrs mean you are married?
I don't know anyone who kept the title post divorce, but I guess that doesn't mean people don't.
I'd be fed up of people commenting about lack of husband, or questions about him.

For all those saying Ms doesn’t mean divorced, using it held up a DBS check for a job because the DBS service wanted to know what my maiden name was .i.e they did assume I had been divorced. So for official records like that you may need to be specific with your title.

@BarbedBloom. No - lots of people use Ms to signal they are female not because they have been divorced. That’s a very old fashioned view.

@ musmerian I know that now, had acknowledged that above

Oops @Musmerian I didn't tag you properly above

My DD is Ms and she is 11 and a feminist.

Doesn't the title mrs mean you are married?
I don't know anyone who kept the title post divorce, but I guess that doesn't mean people don't.
I'd be fed up of people commenting about lack of husband, or questions about him.

Oddly enough this has hardly ever happened in 16 years - and when it has it hasn't bothered me - just said that we are divorced now and he has remarried and lives abroad, end of story.

@BillieEilish yes, my daughter is 9 and is also a Ms, as was I. I'm now Dr, but still use Ms a lot of the time.

Good for her (and you!) Alka

Think of it this way, mrs =Mr's. Ownership

It definitely is internalised misogyny, and well done for recognising it. Basically you want to be categorised with the divorced and widowed single mothers. The 'good' 'acceptable' 'responsible' 'to be pitied' category of single mothers. You don't want to be lumped in with the never marrieds and their bastard children who the patriarchy despises.

I use Ms, always have. It should only be Mr and Ms in my opinion, I don’t now why women should have titles based on their marital status.

I am a Ms. (and have been so all my adult life) because I do not believe it is necessary or desirable for a woman’s title to denote her marital status.

It IS patriarchal, it IS misogynistic BUT we live in a patriarchal and misogynistic society and so do our kids.

I’ve been flamed before on here for saying this but it’s true.

There IS still a stigma to being a single mother and it’s worse for those who’ve never been married.

I’m divorced and I’ve experienced it myself and I’ve witnessed and been told of friends and family’s experiences of this too.

My sister in particular as a single mum who has never been married has experienced some appalling treatment from others.

To a degree it depends on where you live and the circles you move in.

We admittedly live in a conservative, rural area with a high number of catholic’s (we were raised catholic ourselves).

But I haven’t always lived here as a single mum I’ve also lived in more metropolitan and less conservative areas and it did still make a difference.

It shouldn’t, I know it shouldn’t and it IS wrong but it’s reality.

That simple difference of “mrs g dds mum” and “miss gs sister dns mum” affects how certain people treat you and your dc.

I’ve noticed it at childcare, school, Drs, dentists, council, even with other parents.

Not a popular comment but factual.

I think it's a little odd to be unmarried (whether through divorce or just never having been married) and using Mrs. Mrs is a married title.

I am divorced and keep the ‘Mrs’ just because it’s easier and I have never liked ‘Ms’