Aibu to want to be a Mrs even though I'm now divorced?

[flirtygirl]

I kept my maiden name and used my married name for the years I was married (13). The married name I've been changing over now but for years I was Miss C Smith or Mrs C Smith Jones (both show on my credit report, passport is in one and driving licence in the other) .

I now want to be Mrs C Smith instead of Miss.

No idea why but it hurts me for people to think I'm a single mum who has never been married, is it my internalised misogyny?

I know it shouldn't matter to be but it does.

Technically, according to old etiquette, a divorced woman kept Mrs but changed her first name in official correspondence

So, single was Miss Celia Harkness
Married was Mrs William Howard.
Divorced was Mrs Celia Howard.

Ms was a title introduced precisely because the whole thing is bullshit. Nothing to do with divorce--has to do with being none of anyone's bullshit.

Mrs is still correct after divorce.
I could use Mrs raspberry K, Ms raspberry K , just not Mrs XHfirstname K.

Ha! Got a bit raged there--I mean none of anyone's business.

Lol at crosspost with @Nancy

Yes it's your internalised misogyny. Personally i started using Ms in heady anticipation of my divorce.

always thought Ms was for divorced women.

DH's ex kept Mrs and his surname.

If anybody calls me Ms, I correct them. Always have, even when I was a Miss.

The Ms to mean divorced is a definite myth. I have heard this explanation away from Mumsnet.

I still use my maiden name professionally but use Ms in that context. Miss feels a bit less mature now.

I think it’s a bit weird tbh - because if my maiden name was Smith, Mrs Smith would be my mum, who was married to my Dad but now divorced and also my step-mum - i.e. it’s a name for whoever is/was married to my dad - which I’m obviously not. I don’t want to be ‘Mrs My Dad’, that’s just a bit weird and creepy to me really.

I still use Mrs and been divorced for 10 years

For all those saying Ms doesn’t mean divorced, using it held up a DBS check for a job because the DBS service wanted to know what my maiden name was .i.e they did assume I had been divorced. So for official records like that you may need to be specific with your title.

Weird - I've had DBS checks and that's not happened to me yet.

I'm divorced as of this week. I'll be going back to Miss as I associate Ms with formerly being married. 😫 I'm 28, so being divorced at this age isn't something I want people to ask me about. (Although I'm sure it just my paranoia/shame)

Ms is not for divorced people. It's for people who think it's nobodies business!

^^ exactly this. I have been a ms for all my adult life. I've been married to dh very happily for 25 years.

I've been Ms since my teenage years and changed neither title nor surname when I got married. It doesn't seem to have confused anybody.

I'm expecting a DD now and she'll be Ms from birth.

Ms is not for divorced people. It's for people who think it's nobodies business!

That’s what I’ve always thought - I’ve never assumed that a Ms was divorced, I thought it’s supposed to be ambiguous - just like Mr. I thought people just prefer it as ‘Miss’ can sound a bit juvenile or indicate you’re not married or because they don’t want the title Mrs if they’ve kept their own surname.

I’ve been Ms since I was 15 regardless of marital status.

I used Mrs when I was married, now I'm divorced I've gone back to Miss. I thought about using Ms but when it came to it, it just didn't feel right to me. I can't say I'm that bothered about people knowing my marital status based on my title.

*Ms doesn't denote marital staus! I have been Ms since I was 18.

Nobody's business if I'm married, single or divorced.

Ms is not for divorced people It's for people who think it's nobodies business!*

This is correct, and what I do too! Once or twice I've accidentally said miss and it doesn't really bother me if people go with that but generally I am Ms because it is no one's business.

But yes, as you ask OP I do think there must be a little internalised misogyny on your part, why you would it bother you being seen as Miss? Firstly it doesn't mean you've never been married and secondly even if that was the case why is that an issue?

I always use Ms but feel like it never sounds anything tiger than awkward.
How do people say it ?
Is it said sounding miz or do you spell it out to be ms ?
Wish we could obliterate everything aside from it so we just didn't get asked

*other not tiger

When my parents divorced in the 1980s my mum decided to keep her married name and Mrs. No one has ever commented on it or thought it weird. Just call yourself what you want. Besides, men don't have chop and change their title to indicate whether they're married or not so why should you?

For all those saying Ms doesn’t mean divorced, using it held up a DBS check for a job because the DBS service wanted to know what my maiden name was .i.e they did assume I had been divorced. So for official records like that you may need to be specific with your title.

I’ve had vetting from DBS up much higher levels of security clearance and have never had this issue. My title is perfectly specific, there is no more specific title for ‘woman who doesn’t think her marital status is generally relevant’.

I'm divorced as of this week. I'll be going back to Miss as I associate Ms with formerly being married. 😫 I'm 28, so being divorced at this age isn't something I want people to ask me about.

I have used Ms since the 90s. Literally no one has ever asked me if I’m divorced.

No no no people Ms is not for divorced women. Ms is merely the equivalent of Mr.....married status not known.

I was a ms when I turned 18. A Ms during my 20 year marriage, a Ms on divorce and will still be a Ms when I get married again.

There is no stigma these days. Go for it

I’ve always been ms since I was about 14. I’ve never heard the “it means divorced” myth except on mn. Wtaf though- who could think that? How did you manage to miss feminism and the 20th century.

I’m proudly ms. I’m a never married single mother too and don’t give a f what people think. I do get that people look down on us though and even more than if I was the “divorced and to be pitied” type of single mother. But I simply don’t care as I think people who think like that are idiotic.

I’m lucky though that I had built a career pre kids so I am not financially vulnerable.

Call yourself ms op. Come join the feminists

I’ve been a Ms for two decades, since I turned 18. Used it before I got married at 28 and since I’ve been married. I didn’t change my name initially but did about 4 years after I got married - we decided we wanted the same surname and I changed to the more common surname so as to be less identifiable (to do with work, less easy for people I deal with to find me in SM etc). But even after changing my name I’m Ms Newsurname. I had several CRB checks and never had an issue.

I just find it weird that men are never expected to change their title according to marital status but women are. But in the end you can do what you like, it doesn’t affect anybody else, so if you prefer Mrs, go for it

Ms is said like a cross between Miz and Muz, the I is not as pronounced as it would be in Miss.