to wonder why so many MILs seem to be absolutely and utterly bonkers?

[MILfatigue]

I've just read the thread about the MIL kicking off about a bank account for DGD, and have also been following the one about baby stuff being donated prematurely.

My own MIL has, for the last 18 years, veered, completely unexpectedly and inexplicably, between being lovely, lovable, generous and great company, to being really moody, trying to pick fights with me or subtly bully DD behind DH's back, and generally being very mean. It's like two different people! I can never predict what will bring out mentalist MIL. Don't get me wrong, she's not a patch on some of the MILzillas one reads about on here, but it is still baffling and upsetting.

Problem MILs seem to be such a frequent thing and on MN particularly. Are there any broad theories on what causes this? In my case, I used to think hormones, but that ship has long sailed. Is it just an age-old conflict, has it got worse recently, or is it worse on MN?

Genuinely curious.

Well, DH’s mum died before he and I got together, so I’ve never had a MiL as such. My DM, however, still insists she is traumatised by the relationship with her MiL who does seem to have been a bit of a madam.

Aren't they?

Mil gets on my toys do I leave DH to deal with her but event he says,and I quote ‘she’s fucking mental, you’ve met her you
Know this!’

My mother gets more like my granny every day and she always said she was nothing like her. She made a rude remark about a dress I was wearing one new year when I was making her a meal. Said it was too short (it was knee length and rally was there any need?) I just said ‘oh watch that mum your getting more like Auld Chrissy every day!’

I do kind of wonder if there is a generation of women who society has disadvantaged by motherhood not really being respected. You can "have it all" work and have kids, but the motherhood part wasn't seen as important.

I have two mother in laws and they both left their tiny babies to go back to work. Neither were encouraged to breastfeed and couldn't fathom why I wanted to and did for years. Babies were to be put down all the time, in cribs and cots and prams and couldn't share your bed or have a cuddle. My Mil said my husband was only allowed in her bed on Christmas morning, etc.

Obviously this isn't everyone but maybe it's regret.

Or maybe just women with batshit MiLs congregate to talk about them online because they can't tell them to fuck the fuck off in person. Speaking from experience...

Whilst there are some truly dreadful mother in laws, there are equally some shockingly awful daughter in laws. My older sister has had to endure some really selfish, unkind behaviour from her son’s wife. Despite the fact that my sister always helps out with the kids, gives the whole family money and never interferes in their relationship . She is still treated very badly.my mother in law is not the easiest, but I’d never want to put my dh in a situation where it’s her or me.

I wonder if it’s partly a taking away “her baby” thing as in her son/daughter who often once the baby and wife are about doesnt have the same time to spread to their dm. Causing the inner nut to blow off the tree. I’ve just learned to roll my eyes and remember she doesn’t live here.

When the male energy is out of control it is physically controlling.

When the female energy is out of the control , it is emotionally controlling.

Women are emotionally powerful - and they have the power to emotionally hurt. And using it to try to control others.

Add to that , that alot of older women are jealous of younger women. This is why there is the recipe for disaster

And it is a jealousy thing.

Both women: the wife and the mother- want all of the male's attention directed at them.

I never got on with either of my mother in laws (from very long term boyfriends).

And if I could pin down why, I didn't like that she was taking his attention away from me. And I know that they didn't like me for the exact same reason.

Men also hate their daughters dating, don't they.

Yeah maybe you should've all been taught to share as children.

I think it is wise to take some of these MIL stories with a tremendous pinch of salt

Indeed. I see so many MIL threads where the poster says she’s nothing but lovely and kind, never puts a foot wrong, tries very hard in the relationship, goes out of her way, yet her MIL is Satan.

I just don’t see how that can be. Not the amount that are written about on here.

Definitely two sides to the story in many cases I think.

Mine isn't perfect but she's far from crazy. I have no idea why so many DIL seem to hate their MIL or simply being human.

And if I could pin down why, I didn't like that she was taking his attention away from me

You mean you were jealous of the relationship MIL had with her son??

Congratulations @angell84 you managed to exude diarrhoea from your mouth AND be ageist and sexist at the same time with that post

I also meant to say in my post that I think a lot of MIL/PIL threads are trolls or PBP.
They know they will cause a nice bit of shit stirring for sure.

I agree with GunpowderGelatine, we are only getting one side of a (in a lot of cases) very exaggerated story.
Although, I am afraid to say that I don’t get on with my mil .
She doesn’t get on with her actual children though, so it’s not just me.

My MIL is very strange, she's a very toxic person who I try to avoid if I can. She's extremely hot and cold, you never know quite where you stand with her which is horrible.

I have genuinely never done anything to make her dislike me. I know this because she is the same with everyone. She has no friends, her employees are the only people who spend any amount of time with her and they also have the same issues with her, plenty leave because of how she is. Her children have been, and continue to be massively affected by her behaviour and the way she is.

I would love to have a close relationship with a loving, nurturing and maternal MIL. I would love my children to have a loving grandma.

Some people are just arseholes I think!

It is utterly fucking offensive to peg older women as "jealous" of other women. These MIL aren't fuddy duddy cirmplene-clad old women who've done nothing but potter about the shed since their now-adult children were babies. They will be everything from CEO's to doctors, will run large companies, some will volunteer for charities, run support groups, some will have marched for women's rights in their time and paved the way for the next generation to have it better than they did - all of this relying on or supporting women younger than them - but yeah they're jealous of ALL young women because after all every single woman just wants to be younger and prettier 🙄

Yy, no sauce. I reckon at least 50% of mil threads are complete goady fuckery.

I misread the title as to wonder why so many MNetters are absolutely and utterly bonkers.

Men also hate their daughters dating, don't they

No. They don't. Unless they're a massive freak. But generally no

To all those saying that the Mother in Law stories should be taken with a pinch of salt... Don't forget that there are many of us out there whose MiLs have genuine issues such as personality disorders, a history of abusive behaviour etc. Those women will be nasty "for no reason". Often they won't even realise that they have been nasty because they don't have that capacity for empathy. It's not easy to put your life on a forum, since people might recognise you, so it's a shame to assume that everyone is lying just because you have the luck not to be tied into a close relationship with a very damaged person.

No one has said that everyone is lying Walk, just that not everyone is telling the truth.

@Walktwomoons it's not all women who have MIL posts but I've seen some pretty extreme ones where the poster professes they've done soooo much but it's met with extreme behaviour - but that's for all kinds of posts not just MIL ones. I think human beings aren't always very good at admitting when they've been at fault especially on a forum where they know their behaviour will get dissected.

It starts off when their sons are born and by the time they’re MILs it can’t be hidden anymore.

The way many women are with their sons is just

Unfortunately many of us will become the nasty MIL of the future if AIBU is anything to go by. Women bitching about other women is something we seem unable to stop or work out why we are battling with each other.