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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls mother messaging my child

163 replies

Watcathel · 24/10/2019 18:00

AIBU to be furious a girls mother is messaging my child on her daughters phone? My dd FaceTimes a girl from school and sometimes that girls other friend who
My dd doesn’t get along with joins in. A few petty comments has went on back and forth regarding an online game and this girls mother got involved texting my dd so I told my dd she couldn’t be on FaceTime to her anymore as they clearly can’t get on and didn’t want her involved in anymore drama.

Fast forward a day and now the mother has text my dd again asking why she is being funny ignoring her. WTF? I told my dd to not reply but she has kept texting. I don’t like to get involved but this is harassment surely? Any advice?

OP posts:
MinTheMinx · 25/10/2019 18:39

10? Time to lose the phone until she's old enough to have one.

Sb74 · 25/10/2019 18:40

I am sometimes baffled at some of the original posts put on here. Of course you should stop and intervene with a grown woman texting your 10 year old?? Why do you even need to ask when this is so obvious? Even if my daughter was 16 I would intervene on this. My god she’s a young child! Block the number immediately and sort out face to face with the mum.

Boobsarenotloadbearing · 25/10/2019 18:41

I agree with others that the messages sound like they are coming from one of the girls rather than the mother. As others have said, talk to the mother and discuss it but I wouldn't be surprised if she didnt know about this.

Sb74 · 25/10/2019 18:45

I don’t think anything can be assumed on who is sending the messages personally. Some people are nut jobs, so who knows?? Surely the op can tell the difference between a text from a 10 year old pretending to be an adult and an actual adult? Grammar, spelling, words used?? It should be obvious ifs it’s a child or an adult?? Just block them either way.

LittleMissMe99 · 25/10/2019 18:53

It's HIGHLY inappropriate for an adult to be messaging a 10 year old! I would call her and tell her so

forumdonkey · 25/10/2019 18:53

This reminded me of my son and his friend's dad who messaged him. He's 22 now and it was 9 year's ago. It really upset my son and when I found out, I messaged the father directly via Facebook. I've scrolled back and the message is still there. I very firmly told him that he was not to contact my son directly, but to contact me if he had a problem. I left my phone number and he read but didn't reply to the message and he didn't phone me either.

It's totally unacceptable and inappropriate for the parent to contact your child directly. If they have a problem it should be directed to you.

Morgan12 · 25/10/2019 18:57

How do you know its the mother and not her DD?

Nearly47 · 25/10/2019 18:58

If you don't want to take the phone at least disable internet access and/or remove social media apps from her phone including face time. It really is too soon. Get some parental control app to know what sites she is visiting and to track her location. That will be useful in secondary school. My kids are both in secondary school but have been so lectured by me about not sharing their image and being careful. You can never sure who is on the other side when it comes to online conversations,etc. They now have access to whats app to keep in touch with their classmate but even that still causes problems with older boys being excluded for sharing inappropriate content. Thank god they are not yet interested in social media. I am sure that will change soon enough, though. But at least they will a bit older and more prepared I hope

Idontlikeitsomuch · 25/10/2019 19:20

Have only read OP's comments, but it is very weird someone's mum messaging her dd's friend who is only 10 years old. I just can't imagine contacting my dc's friend online. Too weird, and not appropriate at all, imo.

dysongirl · 25/10/2019 19:21

No way i would let a child use group chats
If it was really the mother messaging her(i have my doubts)
I would get her phone number or preferably talk to her at school nicely
Ask her did she send your child a private message and what was she hoping to find out off her?

B9ddy · 25/10/2019 19:21

I would text the mother;
My daughter is only 10 years of age and i have serious concerns about you as an adult continuously texting her from your daughters phone which she responds to thinking she is getting a message from her friend
Please stop immediately
If you have anything to say, say it to me and i will respond accordingly ...

sophiestew · 25/10/2019 19:47

Why does a primary school aged child need a smart phone?

Take it off her. problem solved.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 25/10/2019 19:47

Please don’t go in all guns blazing at the mother. I doubt it is her, it definitely sounds more like something a child would do. By all means ask her.

This old fashioned attitude that kids mustn’t have access to screens is ridiculous. Where do you think technology is heading? All the classes in our school have touch screens and iPads and the kids are growing up using them every day. They won’t thank you for letting them get to adulthood so behind with the times. Just keep an eye on what they’re up to.

Idontlikeitsomuch · 25/10/2019 20:15

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig, I don't think people are against technology at all, are they? Using ipad etc and having a free access to social network/texting/messaging/chat whatever is totally differnt matter, don't you think?

FelicisNox · 25/10/2019 20:30

YANBU.

Block the troublesome child's number; it might be her mother or it could be her and by blocking her it is one less drama for you.

Bleen · 25/10/2019 20:30

I feel sorry for you (the mother) and people saying take your daughters phone away would be devistating for your daughter. All my grandchildren have phones it’s a sign of our time and though I get annoyed when they come to see me and apart from hello Nan I don’t hear another word from them but at least they are here. Definitely get in touch with the mother and tell her it is inappropriate for her to be texting your daughter be polite that will get her off guard

Franklymydearidontgiveaham · 25/10/2019 20:49

Ask yourself would you procrastinate if the dad had messaged your DD?

rainbowbear10 · 25/10/2019 20:52

do you know what happend the previous night fro this girls parent to get involved ? .... it may not all be innocent even at 10 kids can be wee bullies online.. and as you say your daughter did not like her friend. ..my own daughter have been at the recieving side of this in online gaming.. and i have had to warn them to stop. this was on Roblox and minecraft which my daughter enjoyed playing till a "friend" didn't like my daughter chatting to others online and it all became nasty

WutheringBites · 25/10/2019 21:00

So did you have any success contacting the mum?

TBH some of the responses on here are somewhat extreme. If the mum has been trying to monitor and intervene to calm down a situation, then it won’t be her that looks inappropriate if you go off to safeguarding or the police.

If I had a 10yo who was using SM I’d bloody well want to know what they were up to.

clutchingon · 25/10/2019 21:15

My daughter had a phone at 10. None of this ridiculous stuff at all. But we set out very strict boundaries and talked endlessly about the pitfalls.

DameofDarts · 25/10/2019 21:39

It’s hard to say if or how inappropriate the mother is being without knowing the context or what all her messages said.

When my dneice was being badly bullied online last year My DSis messaged the 14 year old girls individually directly from her phone saying she was (DNeice’s) mother. She told them what they’d done was unacceptable and had to stop, and that she was going to contact their parents. Which She did. The matter got to such that the police were informed by a health professional concerned about my niece. My DSis informed the police and later my neice’s school that she’d contacted the children directly. Neither had an issue with it and seemed to think it was appropriate.

caringcarer · 25/10/2019 23:05

This is what happens when 10 year olds are given phones. Ridiculous.

YourWinter · 25/10/2019 23:08

A 10 year old does not need a smart phone, nor access to social media. Use of the internet from any other device for any reason should be monitored for her own safety and it should absolutely not be accessible from her bedroom.

Of course it's not ok for another child's mother to be messaging your child. Do some parenting OP and protect this little girl, she isn't old enough to make mature judgements herself.

manicmij · 25/10/2019 23:45

Shouldn't be involved in communicating with your DD. Best way to resolve, don't give a 10 year old a phone in the first place

Bluerussian · 26/10/2019 05:34

My daughter is only 10 years of age and i have serious concerns about you as an adult continuously texting her from your daughters phone which she responds to thinking she is getting a message from her B9ddy

Absolutely right!