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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls mother messaging my child

163 replies

Watcathel · 24/10/2019 18:00

AIBU to be furious a girls mother is messaging my child on her daughters phone? My dd FaceTimes a girl from school and sometimes that girls other friend who
My dd doesn’t get along with joins in. A few petty comments has went on back and forth regarding an online game and this girls mother got involved texting my dd so I told my dd she couldn’t be on FaceTime to her anymore as they clearly can’t get on and didn’t want her involved in anymore drama.

Fast forward a day and now the mother has text my dd again asking why she is being funny ignoring her. WTF? I told my dd to not reply but she has kept texting. I don’t like to get involved but this is harassment surely? Any advice?

OP posts:
seaweedandmarchingbands · 24/10/2019 18:54

A ten year old with a phone isn't crazy. It's Y6, next year they will be at secondary school.

And the issues will be just beginning. Children don’t need constant access to their friends. Madness.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 24/10/2019 18:54

I would telephone the mother and read her the riot act. She is way out of line.

I had an issue when I was 17 with a parent of another teenager phoning me to tell me off about something (it was to do with a school transport issue). My father was present when it happened, took the phone off me and let rip - he told her that if she (the parent) had a problem then she needed to speak to him. I was so proud and will never forget it. The woman backed right off when she realised she couldn’t bully me.

Crunchymum · 24/10/2019 18:55

So the mum is messaging from her phone, to your 10yo child, and signing off as the mother (not the child? Possibly using her mums phone?)

Is this correct @Watcathel

Notverygrownup · 24/10/2019 18:56

Hang on, there were petty comments (nasty ones?) being made between the girls and one of the girl's mothers got involved to (presumably) tell them to ease off the comments? I have seen MN advise other parents to do that - to text back to say that the chat is being monitored, appropriately, by the parent and that certain comments are not acceptable.

Your dd sensibly pulled out of the conversation, but then the mother crossed the line continuing to be involved. This isn't the end of the world. Just talk to or text the mum from your phone, saying that you had seen her earlier messages asking the girls to stop the nasty comments, that you fully support that, and so your dd will not be joining the online chats anymore, she will see her friend at school.

Drama over. DD off chats until she's 12 or 13. Job done

JacquesHammer · 24/10/2019 18:58

The phone isn’t the issue. An other adult’s misuse of the contact information is.

Block her number and then speak to her from your phone.

Dollymixture22 · 24/10/2019 18:59

You need to phone the mother and find out what’s going on.

At the moment you don’t know who is texting - it’s probably not an adult.

EmeraldShamrock · 24/10/2019 19:00

You can't not want to get involved when it comes to your DD.
She is a child, take ownership.
10 is to young to have smart phones social media etc.
I get lots of parent's allow it without rules, or a limit on screen time, it is madness.

Applesanbananas · 24/10/2019 19:03

10yo children with phones, face timing and getting into online spats. And then parents not knowing whether to get involved or not. No wonder the world is so warped.

TriciaH87 · 24/10/2019 19:04

Send a message yourself saying this is dds mum and if you do not stop harassing my child I will contact the police in regards to a restraining order. Tell her your dd is doing the mature thing by ignoring further comments to avoid drama it's ashame that as an adult she has to try to continue creating an issue by bullying a minor.

SuchAToDo · 24/10/2019 19:04

Op what are the messages from the other mum saying?..are they about the messages she sent to the girl she doesn't get along with, or are they not anything to do with all that?

Topseyt · 24/10/2019 19:12

I would still say message the other mother yourself, or call her and make clear that this has to stop. Now.

Others are correct too that you don't know for sure whether or not it is actually the mother herself messaging. It might possibly be her child using the mother's phone.

Block the number on DD's phone.

Susie2008 · 24/10/2019 19:14

Send her a message something like “I am x’s mother. Please stop messaging my child. I think we should meet up to discuss your message to my child. I am free x y z. Let me know when you would like to meet”

Also phone the school when they are open, speak to head of year and explain what she has done. Let us know how it goes. There is no way she should get away with treating a 10 year old like this. I’m really angry in your behalf! x

LeftoverPizza · 24/10/2019 19:16

Send a message back and say that if she wants to contact your child she can do so through you

Oddbins · 24/10/2019 19:18

It absolutely is a safeguarding issue. Adults harassing minors is a massive safeguarding concern. Schools will log it. Patterns are established. Evidence is gathered and then action can be taken. What if this woman has a history of this sort of behaviour? She clearly doesn't think it's an issue and it is. What if it escalated further?

eeyore228 · 24/10/2019 19:21

My daughter is 10. I wouldn’t be happy with another parent texting her. We signed her up to parent shield so that only me or my DH could add authorised numbers. No call can connect unless I have approved it because I only wanted her to have the phone as she has started walking to and from school. Might be a thought.

MarshaBradyo · 24/10/2019 19:21

Ridiculous. Block the number.

reginafelangee · 24/10/2019 19:24

You need to contact the mum to say that she needs to raise issues with you and to stop contacting your daughter directly.

billybagpuss · 24/10/2019 19:25

Just trying to read into why the other mum might have texted again.

How have the girls been at school today? is there any possibility your DD and the other girl were excluding the friend so she's gone home upset and that is what has prompted the other mum to text. I don't think it is appropriate for her to be texting, but maybe you need to ask your DD the question.

Also its 2 days before half term, they're all knackered and tempers are getting frayed so if they're being petty and bitey with each other they need to step away from the phones.

If the mum texts again, I'd phone her, have a conversation and get the other side of the argument.

HollowTalk · 24/10/2019 19:25

Text the mum to say, "Please don't contact my daughter again. Here's my number - if you want to talk, then call me, but don't message my daughter."

Dollymixture22 · 24/10/2019 19:29

I still think everyone’s reaction is a bit over he top until OP has established who is actually texting.

It seems unlikely an adult would text a ten year old to tell them off. It’s probably a child pretending.

That’s why a calm conversation with the mother is the most obvious and reasonable response.

Notodontidae · 24/10/2019 19:31

Parents should try and avoid talking to other peoples children, even if they have done something wrong. A child is not responsible, only a parent is, so any conversation should be via the parents. I would visit her and say the same thing, or get your DD to text her saying your mum does not approve, speak to my mum about it. Children should not make plans for parties, or trips for the same reason, it is the parents job. YANBU. However the reason we come on MN is not just for advice, you may not get the answer you expect, and could be critisized, " I have been a number of times", but we are incognito, so I deal with it. Children with mobiles can cause problems for some children, and should only be allowed to children with a mature outlook, and mature friends, and never in class.

summersherewishiwasnt · 24/10/2019 19:31

No point texting the mum, you do not know who will receive it the message or who will reply.
No point blocking. They will be friends again in 10 minutes.
Take the phone away when your child is at home.
This is a lesson to you both to keep communication open between you and take responsibility for what you say and type.
Check phone regularly and foster trust and decency. You can’t control what anyone else does, you can influence your daughter to do the right thing.
Ignore the mother, ring the number and ask to speak to her, those are your options I think.

BrendasUmbrella · 24/10/2019 19:37

If the mother is texting, you should step in and reply to her. Tell her what people have said upthread, it's not appropriate to be communicating directly with a ten year old and is there anything you can help her with?

aweedropofsancerre · 24/10/2019 19:38

It’s not difficult. You message the other mum asking what the hell she thinks she is playing at. Your DD is 10 not 17

penisbeakers · 24/10/2019 19:41

She's ten years old and you don't like to get involved? What the fuck is wrong with you? Sort yourself out and deal with the mother and then keep the phone. Jesus.