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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Girls mother messaging my child

163 replies

Watcathel · 24/10/2019 18:00

AIBU to be furious a girls mother is messaging my child on her daughters phone? My dd FaceTimes a girl from school and sometimes that girls other friend who
My dd doesn’t get along with joins in. A few petty comments has went on back and forth regarding an online game and this girls mother got involved texting my dd so I told my dd she couldn’t be on FaceTime to her anymore as they clearly can’t get on and didn’t want her involved in anymore drama.

Fast forward a day and now the mother has text my dd again asking why she is being funny ignoring her. WTF? I told my dd to not reply but she has kept texting. I don’t like to get involved but this is harassment surely? Any advice?

OP posts:
Oddbins · 24/10/2019 18:20

I'd speak to the safeguarding lead at school and tell them an adult is sending unsolicited messages to your daughter.

That's what I did when a mother messaged my son

It stopped

areyouafraidofthedark · 24/10/2019 18:22

Block the number, take her off any social media and take her phone away for a short while. Let her be a child over half term.

LoveNote · 24/10/2019 18:22

whats this mother actually saying to your child?

tempester28 · 24/10/2019 18:24

I wasn't critisising you by the way. I gave my 11 year old a phone
and noticed some worrying changes in her and decided I had made a mistake. She does need a phone as she cycles to school but now we put the phone away in the evening ect

I all honesty I would send a message to the other mum and say that you are switching off the phone for a while because it is causing too much drama. She is probably struggling too, but shouldn't be messaging your daughter.

titchy · 24/10/2019 18:27

Your OP said 'I don't like to get involved....' Hmm
Your child is 10 - you should be involved with EVERYTHING.

SandAndSea · 24/10/2019 18:30

I would definitely get involved. It's not OK for her to be pressured by an adult to have a relationship with someone she doesn't get on with. Show your DD that you support her and that you value and respect her feelings, as she should too.

I would also give her a more basic phone.

Noseynails · 24/10/2019 18:35

I would tell my daughter to text this mother back and tell her to piss off.

Isitnearlyweekend · 24/10/2019 18:37

Giving a ten year old a phone is absolutely crazy.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 24/10/2019 18:37

I would tell my daughter to text this mother back and tell her to piss off.

Classy.

Longlongsummer · 24/10/2019 18:37

Totally inappropriate and quite bullying of the mother. I’d probably text or cal, but in a way that deescalates the situation - just saying that

  • firmly you don’t want her to message your child directly
  • you want to calm down the drama and understand that children can upset each other, however we should be giving our child the message that it’s okay to have a bit of space sometimes in friendships, but obviously being kind.
Nooseynails · 24/10/2019 18:40

@seaweedandmarchingbands I normally would think that’s common, but it’s the only language these oddballs (the other mother) understand

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2019 18:40

You haven't even told us what the woman said in her texts Confused

seaweedandmarchingbands · 24/10/2019 18:41

Nooseynails

Your ten year old telling someone to piss if isn’t a good look. Do that yourself if it needs doing.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 24/10/2019 18:42

Take the phone off her. Call the mum. I thought your daughter was at secondary school the way you seem so detached. Of course you have to get involved.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 24/10/2019 18:42

*off

TheCanterburyWhales · 24/10/2019 18:42

It's not a safeguarding issue so don't waste school's time with it

Speak to the other mother, calmly, and face to face if possible. Say you don't think it's appropriate that she speaks to your daughter via face time. If there is a problem between the girls (and it sounds like there's some two's friendly, three's a crowd nastiness behind all of this) then you would appreciate the other mother informing you, and not your daughter, if she is involved (which it sounds like she is)

ChongADong · 24/10/2019 18:42

Clutching at straws OP but is it possible your DDs friend is using her mum's phone to text your DD? Asking her why she's not talking to her on her own phone?

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2019 18:43

Noosey, do you really think that would be the end of it if this 10 year old told her mate's mother to piss off?

Apart from making the 10 year old look as though she's being dragged up rather than brought up, it'd likely cause a whole lot more trouble.

GingersAreLush · 24/10/2019 18:44

Your child is 10 so you most definitely should be involved in whatever is going on! I actually can’t believe you’re taking a hands off approach here so far.

Beautiful3 · 24/10/2019 18:45

I would text back saying, " this is x mum. Can you stop texting this number please."

ChongADong · 24/10/2019 18:47

As an aside, my DSC 12 has been making up stories to boys that she's being held at gunpoint, has been using anonymous forums to bully others, as well as being bullied herself on it, and has text friends to say she had tried to kill herself and was in hospital whilst we were having Sunday dinner. We've had the police over as she told one of her friends there was a man in the house and she was hiding.
All of these only came out when the other kids parents contacted DSC's mum.
And still neither parent has taken her phone from her and given her a basic one until she's older.
I've made my feelings clear but ultimately it's not my Circus, not my monkeys. Christ if she was my own daughter I'd have taken it from her the first time.
You are doing your DC no favours. No 10 year old needs a phone.

CallmeAngelina · 24/10/2019 18:50

FFS!!!!!! This makes me so angry!
I am a primary teacher and more and more of our time at school is taken up with this sort of shite.
Ffs, people, don't give your children access to this stuff. Or, if you do, accept the shit you're going to have to deal with and stop expecting the school to sort it out for you, not this thread but still annoying.

Nooseynails · 24/10/2019 18:50

@WorraLiberty if the mother says anything to the OP then the OP says she’s very sorry and she didn’t know anything about it and she’ll have a word with her daughter, but tells her this is the first she’s heard of the mother FaceTiming the daughter and to stop.

shearwater · 24/10/2019 18:52

A ten year old with a phone isn't crazy. It's Y6, next year they will be at secondary school. Personally I prefer that they get over the initial novelty of having a phone and gain a bit of experience of using it and don't do that at the same time as starting a new school and dealing with new found independence all at once.

If it were me, the next time the mum Facetimed my DD she would get a shock when instead of a ten year old, a 44 year old with a Paddington bear stare appears on the screen.

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2019 18:52

It'd be far better if the OP just parented her 10 year old instead of not wanting to get involved, but that's just my opinion.