Girls mother messaging my child

[Watcathel]

AIBU to be furious a girls mother is messaging my child on her daughters phone? My dd FaceTimes a girl from school and sometimes that girls other friend who
My dd doesn’t get along with joins in. A few petty comments has went on back and forth regarding an online game and this girls mother got involved texting my dd so I told my dd she couldn’t be on FaceTime to her anymore as they clearly can’t get on and didn’t want her involved in anymore drama.

Fast forward a day and now the mother has text my dd again asking why she is being funny ignoring her. WTF? I told my dd to not reply but she has kept texting. I don’t like to get involved but this is harassment surely? Any advice?

It amazes me how many people on MN say the right things about children and social media and smartphones but in RL everyone seems to allow their dcs to run riot online. My dd has just turned 11 and the only one of her friends who doesn't have Instagram or Snapchat and her friends have had those for a while. It pisses me off having to continually battle to do the right thing because other people are too lazy to.

10?! my god take the phone off her, tell the mother do not message your 10 year old child ever again

get her a cheap crappy phone to call you for emergancies only.

wow

At 10 mine weren't allowed social media because of stuff like this. They don't have the maturity at this age.

I'd give the mum a ring and say 'I've noticed some messages from your number on DDs phone is there something going on between her and your DD because if there is I'd prefer that you have a chat with me about it'.

You getting a lot of grief for giving your DD a phone at 10 but at DDs school pretty much everyone in year 6 seems to have some form of smart phone so I don't think you've been ridiculous to let her have one.

You'll be complaining when her and her friends are sent rude shots of boys penis's. It usually starts about this age, so I believe.

You'll be complaining when her and her friends are sent rude shots of boys penis's. It usually starts about this age, so I believe.

Yes she will and she'll be right to do so because it will be the fault of the person who set the dick shot not the fault of the person who owns the phone FFS.

Take the phone away.
Problem over.

Can the woman be blocked on your daughter's phone?

Honestly, you'd expect better from a parent. It just doesn't sit right.
If you see the woman personally you can talk to her about it, if she is amenable to that but in the meantime, block her.

Thank goodness some voices of sanity have appeared on the thread

While everyone has been shrieking about how the world is going to end because a 10 year old has a phone and how she shouldn't have been told off via that phone by another parent, we seem to be missing that the other mother made the contact (if it even was her, which I'd say is doubtful) to tell the girl off for being involved in some nastiness involving her own daughter .
Which is more likely:
a) the three girls aren't getting on and the other 2 have texted the OP's daughter pretending to be a mum
b) the mum really did text the op's dd because she's angry at her behaviour towards the others
c) Other mother is a crackpot targeting and texting her dad's friends.

I am safeguarding lead in my school and if the OP came to us with all of this we'd gently point out being told off by your friend's mum (even by phone) is not a safeguarding issue and maybe the two mothers could sort it out between themselves.

@Watcathel

YEP, take the phone off your DD. No 10 y.o. should have a smart phone!

AND this woman (the mother!) sounds like a 10 year old herself. I had to deal with this kind of pathetic 'never grew out of school age mentality' mommy myself. Pathetic, childish, and annoying, her child could never do wrong, and she ALWAYS got involved in the spats between the kids.

I'm not understanding all the dramatic replies. Your OP read to me as though the other mum got involved because there were inappropriate comments. Does that mean your DD was bullying her's and she contacted your DD to tell her to stop? Is she then expecting your DD to acknowledge what she said?
I'd call the mum. Ask what is going on and tell her your DD isn't allowed to use FaceTime any more.

You'll be complaining when her and her friends are sent rude shots of boys penis's. It usually starts about this age, so I believe

So that’s the issue of the owner of the phone, rather than the person sending a dick pick?

Fuck me.

Wth sends a 10 year old that?

Bloody hell none of my dc are anywhere near that stuff

I am safeguarding lead in my school and if the OP came to us with all of this we'd gently point out being told off by your friend's mum (even by phone) is not a safeguarding issue and maybe the two mothers could sort it out between themselves

YY. The poor parenting example on this thread is not the OP getting her DD a phone, it's all the numbskulls who think that the OP should be calling in the police or school, when the OP hasn't even contacted the other mum yet. Next time I need the police, I'd rather they weren't too busy sorting out texting spats between 10 year olds, thanks.

Why don't you just speak to the other mother? FaceTime her if you need to.

I really don't understand why you wouldn't get involved, your DD is only 10.

Has the Other Girl's Mother tried to speak to you at an earlier point in regard to the Girls behaviour?

This takes me back a while to when mine was younger (but older than yours) and I attempted to speak with a Mum from the Girls group about exclusion etc which went nowhere and I was really tempted (but didn't) to deal with the Girl myself. It became a harrassment thing using snap chat. Mine was 16 at the time, and at that age she found it really upsetting to receive the items she did, can't imagine how a 10 yo would feel but I would be taking the phone off her and removing facetime for a start. Go back to having a mobile for emergency use only at that age.

Good luck.

Jesus, no way my kid would be having a phone at ten. My youngest 2 are 12 and 9 and they have to wait until they are 16 to have a smartphone like their brothers did before them. If any adult was messaging my child inappropriately I would go bloody nuts!

Good to see the Luddite/technophobes are out in force.

This is exactly why ten year old’s should have phones. Otherwise they get to 14 and nobody has taught them how to deal with this stuff and they are way too old to take any advice from their interfering parents.

DD is ten, has a phone, and is really pretty good at knowing how to deal with this stuff and what good phone etiquette is. We’ve spent the year she’s had the phone, teaching her about it. Teaching her to navigate the petty spats will serve her well for High school.

'This is x's mum here, please stop texting my DD, my number is xxx if you would like to discuss with me'

Exactly Minty.

Disagree on the ten year old thing.

Just text back

This is x’s mum. X is no longer allowed to use FaceTime so will not be responding to any messages.

Then block and ignore.

I think there's a place for a parent using their child's phone to say "I'm x's parent, I'm reading this chat and I think it's time you all take a break and stop being rude to each other." I think it's unwise to use their own phone and/or message a child privately.

DD2 is 12 and I read all her WhatsApp threads regularly. There is sometimes an argument on a thread, and I won't comment if DD2 gives a reasonable explanation (e.g. 'yeah, those girls don't like each other too much, so they argue). But then DD2 doesn't involve herself in any of it.

Remove her phone off her op. Shes too young. Give it back to her whens shes older. Meanwhile talk to your dd mum as an adult and tell her to not contact that number again as its being turned off for four years.

Not sure if it's been said but that language used by the mother to your DD makes me think it's actually the mothers DD messaging using her phone?

My DD (same age) has a phone and occasionally her friends mother has texted me strange things like 'can dd text my dd now' or 'please hurry' and then I click on that it's actually her DD