Girls mother messaging my child

[Watcathel]

AIBU to be furious a girls mother is messaging my child on her daughters phone? My dd FaceTimes a girl from school and sometimes that girls other friend who
My dd doesn’t get along with joins in. A few petty comments has went on back and forth regarding an online game and this girls mother got involved texting my dd so I told my dd she couldn’t be on FaceTime to her anymore as they clearly can’t get on and didn’t want her involved in anymore drama.

Fast forward a day and now the mother has text my dd again asking why she is being funny ignoring her. WTF? I told my dd to not reply but she has kept texting. I don’t like to get involved but this is harassment surely? Any advice?

I would say it's not the mother it's the dd. She probably thinks your dd will do as she says if she thinks it's the girls mum.

I would also guess it is the child texting posing as the mum.
Give the mum a call and discuss it.

Depends what she actually said in the messages and if it's actually her messaging.

AIBU to be furious a girls mother is messaging my child on her daughters phone?

If the messages are coming from the kid's phone it's more likely it is the girl pretending to be a grownup.

It would depend for me what was said on the text. My daughter has been involved in numerous group chats where X has fallen out with Z and Y wants to make sure that my daughter doesn't talk to X or Z and just be best friends with Y. My daughter (who rarely argues and is friends with everyone) often feels trapped in the middle and becomes upset. I then remove the phone, delete the messages, leave it switched off for a number of days until all has calmed.

HOWEVER, we were on holiday recently and X, Y, Z and half the alphabet were in school. Massive fallout had ensued. All the girls were texting my daughter asking her to decide who where friends were. The group chats were ridiculous, we basically knew the ins and out of a playground argument from 3000 miles away. So, I got the phone and replied on the group chat "this is xxxx's mum. We are on holiday and your constant messaging is upsetting. Please sort this out between you and leave xxxx out of it. And it all stopped. Nowadays its very rare it happens, and if it did, I'd do exactly the same. If those girls parents had read my message, I'd have gladly spoken with them and screen shot the barrage of messages my daughter had received. But I never heard from them.

So in this case, I think it all depends on the context.

It's not a safeguarding issue so don't waste school's time with it

School e-safety officer here and I’d want to know about this and would log it.

I’d also be suggesting (politely) that you get Involved in all aspects of your child’s online life.
I’d be referring you to the CEOP website and Childnet to help you get more advice on how to protect your child at home. Check them out OP, they’re helpful.

My dd is 9, really take some control back here, this isnt a time to advise she doesnt text back, this is the time to get that mothers number and ask her directly what she thinks shes doing private messaging a 10yo? That's so inappropriate I could not imagine what kind of thinking would lead me to message my dds friends!

I strongly suspect that the texts are not from the other child's mother at all, but from the other child pretending to be her mother to scare your DD.

My youngest 2 are 12 and 9 and they have to wait until they are 16 to have a smartphone like their brothers did before them

My 11 year olds (year 7) timetable and homework planner are on an app they ask all dc to download. Pretty hard to ignore technology nowadays and I doubt it’ll do your dc any good in the long run.

@JadeDragon23 good point. In the past I've been annoyed at teachers who have suggested downloading apps to help my dcs learn, for example, times tables. They're actually encouraging dcs to be on screens more than they have to.

Take the phone away and explain why. It will be hard in the beginning but she will get used to it after a few weeks. Tell her she will have a phone when she starts secondary school. And control use and no social media until 13 at least. It is very hard to control this kind of situation and can only get worse. Imagine another adult face timing your 10 years old without your knowledge. I.e. if the mum had access to your daughter number so could other adults in the girls family.

10 is too young for a smartphone with social media enabled messaging services.

FaceTime age limit is 13.

You have a young daughter, a little girl in primary school. Parent, for the love of god. Why pussyfooting about?

My eldest son had a smartphone from 10, no problems, no worries (though I kept an eye on). However, this child’s mother messaging your DD directly is incredibly inappropriate. At 10 any problems that the other mum may have should ALWAYS come through you/your DDs Dad (if in the picture). Personally, I’d tear the other parent a new arsehole (verbally). But that’s just me. I definitely feel you should be involved though. Other posters are saying take the phone away. If your DD has definitely done nothing wrong then I think that’s unfair. Good luck OP, parenting seems to get harder the more advanced we become technologically.

I think contacting the mother would be the way to go. Either by phone (old fashioned talking to her on the phone!!) or in person. I wouldnt be angry or confrontational just taking the line that I was trying to work out what is going on....I also suspect that it may be her child.

But maybe lesson learned that your dd shouldnt be using face time unsupervised

Shearwater 😂😂😂 beautifully said

I have a 10yr old who also has a phone. During Summer she and a friend from school were arguing on the phone the Mother of her friend got involved shouting at my daughter in a voice note. I immediately called the Mother and told her I didn’t find it acceptable she admitted she was in the wrong and that was an end to it. It’s best not to let anything go on too long. It only makes matters worse. Everyone is right block the number from your daughter’s phone and contact the mother end of.

I've bever used an i-phone but can you block numbers from facetime? It might be the way to go for a few days, or switch off the phone for a bit until you hace had a chance to speak to the mum.

Typo city, sorry..

It's not a safeguarding issue - on another note 10 years is possibly a little young to have a phone? Most social media apps are not designed for young ones.
Bring back the days of no phones, arguments stayed in school and everything got sorted quickly face to face!

You need to get involved and stop her messaging your DD, if she has an issue she needs to contact you directly. My DD was in a similar situation but didnt tell me until afterwards, you need to take control of this.

Fast forward a day and now the mother has text my dd again asking why she is being funny ignoring her

This sounds exactly like a 10 year old using her mother's phone, rather than the mother herself...

Contact the mother yourself and tell her you have told your daughter she is no longer allowed to FT andvtonignore any messages about it ... and if she ,(the mother) has a problem with this then to speak to you (an adult) and not harass a 1p year old.

She does need a phone as she cycles to school but now we put the phone away in the evening ect

No she doesn't. I cycled to school at age 11 and I didn't need a phone. Admittedly they weren't around then, but she certainly does not need a phone just to cycle to school.

Be more responsible with what social media you allow for your ten year old. Call mother NOT TEXT FGS and ask the mother to direct any communication about your daughter to you in future.