AIBU to be sick of these comments?

[SundayGirlB]

My baby is 5 months old and ginger. I LOVE his hair. It wasn't a surprise, both DH and I were ginger as kids and my side of the family are Irish and ginger.

It's the first thing people mention, which is fine. I think he is gorgeous. But I get so many comments like 'oh no, it's not ginger it's more blonde' or 'it will go blonde/brown' or 'are you worried he will be bullied?', 'ah, i don't mind it on babies but not adults' etc etc.

I am fine for him to be a little flamed haired beauty forever but seriously, he is only 5 months and already getting negative comments. People need to get over this ginger thing.

AIBU to dye my blonde hair ginger in solidarity and tell people to sod off?

@finitemonkeys thank you. You completely articulated my thoughts re Vandals.

I don’t agree that “in RL so many people dislike it as a colour” because I have only ever received positive comments about DS and DD’s curly red hair. People stop us in the supermarket to compliment us on our gorgeous children. I used to worry they’d be bullied, but not anymore.

Calm down finitemonkeys

Weird that. I don't live in the UK and over here red haired children aren't bullied. If anything it's seen as a beautiful color, as is blond (my hair is mouse brown and is seen as "boring")

My daughter had a full head of hair, think sonic the hedgehog

I was asked all sorts of ridiculous questions Do you dye it?
Do you gel it? Etc etc

It is dull really smile and ignore

People don't know what to say when babies look 'different' ie bald 😆

But I'm not saying that I would tell someone I didn't like there hair colour. That would obviously be hurtful. Doesn't mean thst everyone loves red hair though as some people on this thread seem to think. Chill.

Some little shit bag girl sang that horrible song to my red haired son , 11 at the time, 12 now, he was not bothered but I was livid. He's really proud and I've only had positive things from grown ups, kids are shits. It is the first thing anyone says though when they meet him, and I have told my son "you are more than just your hair colour". Red hair is beautiful, and the freckles that go with it. I don't get why people think they can be rude about someone's hair colour, you most definitely cannot ask the same about skin colour, it's bullying plain and simple isn't it to mention someone's physical appearance and be negative. All the kids at school are taught this, why don't the adults know.

@TheVandalsTookTheHandles - oh, I'm very chill, don't worry. I just had tremendous fun for 10 minutes deconstructing a rude and stupid comment on a thread where it shouldn't have been posted. I really got into it, too - when someone's decided to be offensive, it's ever so satisfying to point out why it's ignorant and pointless as well.

Honestly, you should try it. I've heard that it's good for the soul

@TheVandalsTookTheHandles

I have red hair and love it and I have no problem with you saying what you feel about red hair on here and, as you say, you wouldn't say it in real life, because you know it can be hurtful. I would welcome the comments from others as to why they don't like it just so I can gain an understanding.

Is it the same to you as when you don't like, say, a particular colour in clothing?

I've got two red heads, toddler and a baby. I've had people come up and say " look two gingers!" " itll probably change" " where does that come from" etc etc I've started telling people how rude they are. Why approach me to inform me I have "two gingers" with no compliment attached. The funny thing is they have completely different hair colours. They wouldn't say it if it was afro hair......or maybe they would.
I'm Scottish (in England) and it does feel like it comes from an anti Scottish view. The negative comments always come from pensioners.
I do, however, get lots of people saying how lovely their hair is.

@Idontwanttotalk

I don't care if someone doesn't like my or my children's hair colour. I just don't see why I should have their opinion shoved down my throat when it has nothing to do with them but I have to hear it regularly. I've seen the damage it does to a child's self-esteem when they're repeatedly told that something they're born with looks unhealthy or ugly.

But mostly, I was pointing out the inconsistency in saying: "I would never tell someone in real life that I don't like their skin colour but if you're reading this thread and you have red hair, I don't like your skin colour"

I've been told I don't have a soul before, but I think this is the first time I've been told I'm not real life.

I don’t agree that “in RL so many people dislike it as a colour” because I have only ever received positive comments about DS and DD’s curly red hair. People stop us in the supermarket to compliment us on our gorgeous children. I used to worry they’d be bullied, but not anymore.

Yes but that's kind of my point.

Lots of people in RL obviously do dislike the colour because otherwise hatred of ginger hair/bullying wouldn't be a thing and the OP wouldn't have had to start this thread.

If you're a parent of ginger haired children, I doubt people who dislike the colour are going to stop you in the supermarket and say so, (or at least I'd hope not!)

Even on MN when the question 'Why do people dislike ginger hair so much?" is asked, hardly anyone admits to disliking it because as you can see by the reaction to Vandal's post, they get given short shrift for even admitting to it.

My little girl is ginger and if someone says to me are you worried she’s going to be bullied or points out her ginger hair in any way I usually say in a lovely kinda voice ‘no it’s different these days, I’ve noticed it’s only tends to be people stuck in the past/ miserable people/ people who are a bit thick that go one about ginger people anymore’ usually throws people and because I’ve said it nicely they’re not really sure how to respond.

@worraliberty
If you're a parent of ginger haired children, I doubt people who dislike the colour are going to stop you in the supermarket and say so, (or at least I'd hope not!)

Ah, so you didn't RTFT - because, yes - as several people have pointed out - that absolutely does happen. But we can't take offence because "it's only a joke" or "I calm down/chill" so we're suddenly the unreasonable ones, at the same time as our kids slowly internalise that their hair makes them an acceptable target for mockery.

Even on MN when the question 'Why do people dislike ginger hair so much?" is asked, hardly anyone admits to disliking it because as you can see by the reaction to Vandal's post, they get given short shrift for even admitting to it.

My wholehearted apologies. I was unaware of the need for a support thread for people who want to admit they don't like red hair. I'm so sorry for giving short shrift to someone who's bravely stepped forward to admit their deep, dark secret - I'll be more supportive in future :D

finite, as much as you're making the thread all about you, it really isn't.

Lots of people have said they don't understand why people dislike ginger hair so much and Vandals gave their explanation.

Yes, that wasn't what the OP was asking for, but if you know anything about chat threads, you'll know they tend to move on a bit as other posters get involved and ask questions.

@finitemonkeys Thu 24-Oct-19 16:48:18

"I've seen the damage it does to a child's self-esteem when they're repeatedly told that something they're born with looks unhealthy or ugly."
I was on the receiving end of this for years so I definitely understand the effect on self-esteem.

"But mostly, I was pointing out the inconsistency in saying: "I would never tell someone in real life that I don't like their skin colour but if you're reading this thread and you have red hair, I don't like your skin colour"

"I've been told I don't have a soul before, but I think this is the first time I've been told I'm not real life."
I think we all know that the poster meant she wouldn't say it in the usual course of daily life. Yes, there is inconsistency but I think a lot of posters say things on MN that they wouldn't say if they weren't anonymous or in their daily life. Many do treat MN forums like it isn't real life.

Her comment was perhaps better geared up to answer 'Why don't some people like red hair?' (which I know wasn't the question).

My daughter is a red head. My response to the " oh she's a ginger" comments were:

"No she's a child"
"Yes she has red hair but at least it suits her, oh by the way your roots need doing"
"Yep and she's well behaved and very funny"

@Finitemonkeys thank you for your kind words about my DD. She is actually very striking - her hair is down to her waist and curly, sometimes up in a big top knot, sometimes straightened. She is an art student and very cool fashion wise. She is actually a very easy going warm and friendly person but she wont be stepped on. I am proud of her.

My family are Scottish by descent and many members are red heads included my father, sister and a quite a lot of cousins. Some are sandier haired but in the close family most a deep coppery colour. The sandier ones are very freckley, no one has that very white skin someone on here mentioned.

The reality is redheads are only 2 percent of the population so they are a minority. Picking on them therefore can easily sound and feel like bullying - I've always believed making fun of something someone genetically can't do anything about is pretty low. I wouldn't say that about dark haired people even though most of my boyfriends happen to have been fair haired (don't know why - thats just the way its turned out). I don't really know how you can generalise about it. But then again, why am I surprised? There are plenty of people who are racist, sexist, disablist as well.

@UpfieldHatesWomen Thanks, I appreciate you saying that. It’s annoying having to prove you’re not a ‘bimbo’ time and time again I agree.

NightsofCabiria some people have some really dated and sexist ideas about hair colour. I sometimes get randomly asked by virtual strangers if I dye mine, or it's assumed I do and then I'm challenged to proved it :/ I doubt anyone would do this to someone with brown hair, and there's often a value judgement that goes with it, I suppose carrying on attitudes from when prostitutes bleached their hair and it was seen as a sign of being 'easy'. I remember my ex MIL referring to another woman as a 'ditsy blonde', and then backtracking and saying 'oh, but it's not natural like yours' - well, what if mine wasn't, would that make me thick too?! I'm not saying blondes have it worse, the kind of stuff gingers have to put up with might often be meant as light-hearted but it must be incredibly tiresome. I think it it's really rude to make judgements and pass comment for something so trivial, says a lot more about the person commenting.

My mum, brother, cousins, niece & nephews are all red/ginger & I ruined my hair (non descript mousey blonde) for years trying to emulate it!
There’s a wee one at work with the most gorgeous gingery red curls which his mum keeps quite long - I’m insanely jealous!

finitemonkeys, you're obviously articulate enough to voice your detestation of people who take a less than positive view of red hair here... so, do you do that in RL too? If so, then your children are in good hands, aren't they?

I know this thread is primarily about red hair but a PP has mentioned 'minority' and that's key really. Any deviation from norm seems to be fair game for people to pick on and the only way to combat that is to challenge it, every single time. I don't even see that as difficult really.

I have naturally curly hair which i religiously straighten. I used to get picked on in school for it (and my large breasts). My daughter has inherited my hair and I'm constantly being told that it's not really 'in fashion'. I challenge that rudeness with dismissal, every single time. This constant pulling people up on what they look like needs to change. I'd also add that 80% of the time (at least), it's women who feel the need to blurt out this helpful judgement.

We should challenge it every time somebody makes our children feel 'less than'. Every time. Posting on a thread though? That was my earlier point. If people raise a characteristic above others then some will shoot it down by saying 'it's not all that'. That's human nature, as flawed as it surely is.

I'm Scottish and sorry to say but ginger jokes have always been a thing. I Think people will comment on anything a bit different though. Dd2 has super curly hair, just one curl pattern from Afro and we get constant comments, it gets touched by strangers constantly and people assume and often ask if she has a different dad to straight haired dd2. It's pointless getting worked up about it

What is it with the association with Ireland and red hair? Have people saying it never been to Ireland. The most common hair colour in Ireland by far is dark .. and the only red heads I know are Ulster Scots in Northern Ireland, so of Scottish descent.

Let me list the most famous Irish people in films etc.

Gabriel Byrne, Colin Farrell, Cillian Murphy, Pierce Brosnan, Patrick Bergin, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Aidan Quinn, Aidan Gillen, Aidan Turner, Dervla Kirwin, James Nesbitt, Ciaran Hinds, Liam Neeson, Stephen Rea, Bronagh Gallagher, Roma Downey, Chris ODowd, Jamie Dornan, Maria Doyle Kennedy, Sinead Cusack .... 21 people before I thought of a (sort of) red headed Irish actor - Brendan Gleeson.
It is just not commin.

*common!