Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be sick of these comments?

178 replies

SundayGirlB · 24/10/2019 09:18

My baby is 5 months old and ginger. I LOVE his hair. It wasn't a surprise, both DH and I were ginger as kids and my side of the family are Irish and ginger.

It's the first thing people mention, which is fine. I think he is gorgeous. But I get so many comments like 'oh no, it's not ginger it's more blonde' or 'it will go blonde/brown' or 'are you worried he will be bullied?', 'ah, i don't mind it on babies but not adults' etc etc.

I am fine for him to be a little flamed haired beauty forever but seriously, he is only 5 months and already getting negative comments. People need to get over this ginger thing.

AIBU to dye my blonde hair ginger in solidarity and tell people to sod off?

OP posts:
Beesandcheese · 24/10/2019 10:35

So you're not a fan then worra. It's a hair colour what's to dislike?

BringOnTheScience · 24/10/2019 10:41

DC2 has gloriously foxy hair. It's beautiful.

And that was my response to anyone who commented on it.

HeyGepetto · 24/10/2019 10:42

It seems to be almost acceptable to bully people for having ginger hair 😕 it’s such a lovely colour! My girls both have beautiful red hair, one is reddish blonde and one more auburn, we mostly get very positive comments, which is lovely, but we do get some more disparaging comments...and the ‘oh it will probably go blonde/brown’ reassurances🤯

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 24/10/2019 10:42

I was bullied so much when I was younger for having ginger hair and my dad used to take the piss out of me constantly (he thought he was being funny). I dyed it as soon as I could.

My cousin was badly beaten up as a teen for having ginger hair (totally unprovoked attack).

I have no idea where the hate or negativity come from. I'm not a fan of ginger hair, but I don't hate it either - it's just a hair colour. Although I was relieved that my kids don't have ginger hair, purely from my own experiences.

Sorry Op, none of that helps you. If I were you, I'd call people out on their comments every single time as it might make them think twice about saying similar in future and raise your son with enough self-esteem that he's not bothered by any name calling.

Ineedtochillthehellout · 24/10/2019 10:43

My ds has beautiful ginger hair ( we use ginger as we also want him to own it) and I adore it. His skin is gorgeous and his eyes are bright blue. I get stopped a lot to be told how beautiful he is. I had to stop one woman taking photos Angry

I’ve also had the “were has that come from” I tell them the milkman. Stupid question deserves a stupid answer. I’m not going to go in to the fact my mum, uncle, grandad, cousins all have lovely ginger hair and my family roots are Scottish with Karen from Mccolls while buying milk.

I’ve noticed quite a few ginger children in our new area so I’m hoping that he won’t be the only one at school with it however I’m going to teach him to be proud and confident with it like my dear old granny did my mum and uncle and that anyone who picks on him because of it hasn’t got as many brain cells as the average human and then hopefully he will love his hair just as much as I do.

Applesanbananas · 24/10/2019 10:46

Fuck off would be the appropriate response. You need to come down hard and fast on these comments. Imagibe if your childs hears that and gets the idea that something is wrong with him. I hate it when people do this, pick on insignificant shit.

MirandaGoshawk · 24/10/2019 10:50

Worra, I really love some shades of red/ginger and others I'm not a fan of. But in any case, it's completely wrong to comment, but perhaps it's because redheads are in a minority and are therefore a bit of a curiosity (and people are interested but don't think before they speak. I had lots of stupid comments to my twins - no, they're not identical. They're a boy and a girl - think about it) . It's interesting about the anti-Catholic etc associations - maybe it goes back to something instilled in us generations ago that we're not even aware of these days.
I personally think it's a bad idea to be rude to people (in reply), and always regret it/am embarrassed when I'm rude to people even if they deserve it. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I would say, "He might be bullied? Surely we're more enlightened these days, as they teach them anti-racism and stuff like that in school?", or something along those lines to make them think twice.

finitemonkeys · 24/10/2019 10:53

I've got dark red hair, DD's a bright strawberry blonde, DS has a brilliant red curly afro - up till puberty, he looked like a renaissance cherub (and hated being reminded of it).

I was bullied as a child because of it. When both DC's were babies and their hair came through red, I lost count of the "jokey" comments from "friends".

On facebook: "Love the picture - you can't tell she's ginger in that one"
"Oh, what a shame - I really thought your DS's hair would grow out blonde"
"Wow, your DS is walking early, mine's really late but at least she isn't ginger"
"my DD's a little monster. Only way it could be worse is if she was as ginger as your DD"

It was a constant thing from nearly everyone.

One day on a walk, they were shoving each other and ended up throwing themselves in a heap at the feet of a stranger walking nearby. I hauled them up by the collars, told them off for being a nuisance and apologised to the guy they'd nearly hit.

He said "oh, don't worry about it - they're ginger, that's punishment enough".

Even my bff at the time would constantly joke about how ginger hair was the worst thing that could happen to a kid and kept asking me when I was getting mine adopted.

Once you've heard them all repeatedly over many years, you sometimes get a sense of humour failure over a comment that really seems unnecessary. I have had so many occasions where I've replied something along the lines of "can you not say things like that in front of them, they're already being bullied at school because of their hair"
at which point, the person who's literally insulting your kids genetic makeup gets huffy and pissed off because "you know I would never actually say that seriously - it's just a joke, for god's sake."

One school mum used to tell me that I should get them adopted but I'd have to dye their hair first otherwise no-one would take them, leading onto things like "you'll have to take them to 'disneyworld' and drive away when they get out of the car".

Honestly - she said that. But obviously laughed and would go "oh, you know I don't mean it". She stopped talking to me when I came out with a couple of blonde jokes that she thought was absolutely disgusting because it'd damage her daughter's self-esteem.

Not my proudest moment, but I was pissed off and I made sure it wasn't in front of her child. On the plus side, I never had to speak to her again, so... totally worth it.

I try not to get defensive but some of the comments from people saying "surely nobody mocks ginger hair nowadays" implies we're making it up and it's not really a problem.

If this is your mindset, be grateful that you don't have to deal with strangers insulting your children and it has so little impact on your day-to-day that you don't think it happens very often. I frequently wish that we had the luxury of thinking "ginger insults aren't a thing any more".

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2019 10:54

So you're not a fan then worra. It's a hair colour what's to dislike?

Did you not read my post properly Beesandcheese? I didn't express a preference one way or the other Confused

To me, it's like any other hair colour. Some shades are nicer than others and it's not something I can get fussed over.

I don't know why some people are so cruel about it or so gushing about it either.

PearlsBeforeWine · 24/10/2019 10:55

I think if you haven't got red hair you don't notice the lack of positive comments or affirmation...my kids are really good-looking but rarely get called cute etc which shouldn't matter but will seep into their self esteem in the end I imagine . The fact is, I almost feel braced for shit in later years when my kids become teenagers. On the other hand they're 10 and 7 and so far have never had any comments. But we live in North Wales and there are stacks of buff red headed hipsters and about three red heads per class, so nobody notices it.

I would say it's different in South of England

DarlingNikita · 24/10/2019 10:57

I find ginger bullying really weird. And of course any kind of comment on appearance is plain rude too.

The next time someone comments on your baby, say with a calm voice and face, 'I don't appreciate personal comments about his appearance.' Leave a silence. And YES, dye your hair vibrant ginger!

Notodontidae · 24/10/2019 10:58

People will always comment when they see something different, to you it becomes ordinary. If you saw someone walking down the street dressed in a red-spotted, white onesie with red wellington boots, you are going to say "Is it a TV stunt?" Embrace it, Mick Hucknell and Lucille Ball did. You are very lucky and fortunate parents, at least your little one hasn't got an extra digit, or one ear bigger than the other, or something terminal. I dont share many of the comments YABU, and sure some of the comments you get at home are rude and misguided, just explain to them they are myths.

DarlingNikita · 24/10/2019 11:01

If you saw someone walking down the street dressed in a red-spotted, white onesie with red wellington boots, you are going to say "Is it a TV stunt?"
I wouldn't. Hmm Then again, I live in Hackney and luckily a lot of people here seem to a) realise that people can dress/look however they want and b) have enough going on in their own lives that they don't feel the need to gawp or comment.

Basically, people who think ginger hair is worthy of rude comment need to have a word with themselves and get a life. In no particular order.

SarahNade · 24/10/2019 11:02

I don't understand these comments at all. Red hair is GORGEOUS! On women, and men, and children. I would have loved to be born with red hair. Instead, I have to get my red hair from the supermarket hair dye isle. :( I envy anyone that has natural red hair. I have to pay for what you have for free. What is so wrong with it? I really don't understand at all. I would definitely rebut their stupid comments with "oh no he won't, all the boys will be jealous of him" or something like that.

NightsOfCabiria · 24/10/2019 11:02

You poor thing OP. People can be so shockingly rude. I'd pull them up on it each and every time. Shame them publicly too.

I don't understand it as I love red hair and think it's beautiful. One of the first boys I dated had dark red hair, the colour of wet fox. He was beautiful.

CatteStreet · 24/10/2019 11:06

Brits are utter idiots about red/ginger hair. FFS. Just discount any and all of these stupid comments. Water, duck's back. Not worth your time or engagement.

GoodJobSteve · 24/10/2019 11:07

the colour of wet fox

I hope he smelled better Grin

CatteStreet · 24/10/2019 11:07

Sorry. Some Brits. (I am one)

usernotfound0000 · 24/10/2019 11:08

DD1 is a full on red head. Not a surprise as it is on both sides. She gets lots of comments about it, so far all positive but still annoying. She has now started asking me why people keep mentioning her hair. And I have to say, I do get lots of comments about 'oh at least she's a girl' etc implying that it wouldn't be acceptable on a boy. She's just started school and I do worry that it won't be long before the negative comments start.

Quineothebroch · 24/10/2019 11:08

I agree, red hair is not an issue here in Scotland (apart from a few cluckwits who read sectarian bigotry into it).
I come from a large family - youngest of 8 children and "Oh did your parents not have tv? really gets to me. "Oh as I'm the youngest do you think they shoudl not have had me?" "No, they preferred fxxxing to watching tv".. One of these days I'll snap - thank you all for the empowerment!

MrsAgassi · 24/10/2019 11:13

I’m ginger and whilst other people complimented it I never liked it. I used to beg my mum even as a child to let me dye it.

I now dye my hair, I actually feel less confident when my hair is its natural colour, sad but true.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/10/2019 11:14

finitemonkeys I understand your feelings, it must be really hard.

Why though are people's families and friends saying these things without ever being pulled up on it - HARD? It starts there. Families and friends need to have your back and start sticking up for you/your children because if every nasty or barbed comment was stamped on, then and there, and the person saying it made to know that it was wrong, this would surely die out, wouldn't it?

I see some shocking hair - all colours. And beautiful hair - all colours. It is just hair. We should be absolutely ridiculing and tackling those who take issue with such nonsense, make them accountable for their taking out their own insecurities on our children; because that's where it stems from.

billydilly · 24/10/2019 11:15

I have a friend who's 24yr old daughter has the brightest ginger hair you've ever seen and beautiful milky-white skin. She was scouted by a model agency a few years ago and has appeared in Vogue and is a cat-walk model for Westwood amongst others; her beauty is not in spite of her glorious hair, just an important part of an amazing package.

HungryForApples · 24/10/2019 11:19

Who are these people? That is so rude! I guess people are just making conversation (I get a lot of comments about my baby's blue eyes) but they could at least say something nice! It reminds me of the rude comments I'd get during pregnancy like "wow, you're huge, are you worried about losing the baby weight?"

0ldermum · 24/10/2019 11:30

My DD has ginger hair and we also get comments about it, but I have ginger hair and so not only was it not a surprise and consequently not really a topic of conversation, but I keep wanting to ask why no one comes up to me and says "what lovely colour hair"!! 😄

Swipe left for the next trending thread