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Original poster

To think this single parent has it relatively easy?

467 replies

coffeeforone · 24/10/2019 07:43

A close friend constantly reminds me and others that she is a 'single parent' and how difficult it is for her and other SPs, I apparently have it so much easier as there are two of us. May be true, but in reality I think she has no idea how easy her life is. She has two primary aged kids (so SN) and works full time in the school that her kids go to, term time only so childcare is not an issue. If she wants to earn extra cash she can help out at wraparound clubs and the school doesn't charge for her kids to attend.

Her ExDH is a great dad which she admits herself, he financially supports her and collects kids every Friday from school and keeps them until Sunday midday, so both her weekend evenings and all day Saturday are completely free for her to do as she likes. She also has two sets of youngish GPs who she is on good terms with and will drop everything to take the kids whenever she asks (say they are off school sick or she has a work commitment/parents evening).

However, If she encounters other lone parents she will always empathise with them 'I know exactly how you feel, it's really hard doing it 'all alone', etc, etc). I just feel she doesn't have it that bad and it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for the other person when they realise her setup! Am I missing something that would make her life much harder than say a couple with two young kids?

OP posts:
Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 11:20

She does the slog of the working/school week alone, and loses all her quality weekend time to her ex ? Confused Angry

That sounds utter shite. Why does her ex get to have all weekend quality time. I think she is deluded.

What you are jealous of OP is her working arrangement. Its tue same for all who work at schools.

Every night she goes home, she can't leave once her dc are in bed. Yes, she can set up a plan for a GP to come over at some point to babysit, but she's essentially locked in once tue dinner, bath, bedtime routine starts.

Did you start this thread just to be goady.

Unless your dh is not actually and partner in pulling his weight around the domestics of life, you seem to think that his contribution to family life is worthless?

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 11:24

She does the slog of the working/school week alone, and loses all her quality weekend time to her ex ?

what you mean is that she gets to spend time with her children all week, and has her weekends off
whilst her ex is presumably working and cannot do anything for himself at the weekend because he is spending time with his kids.

Every night she goes home, she can't leave once her dc are in bed.
so poor her, she has to wait until Friday and Saturday to go out - or get a babysitter.

She has planned it quite well, hasn't she - fine, but playing martyr about it? No shame there has she!

Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 11:24

Not deluded per se, but has been sold down the river by her ex and is probably grateful hes been so nice. He actually gets to woek all week without any childcare concerns and then have his dc to play with at the weekend.

I think it's him that has the easy life,and hes being unfair to his dc, thats how lovely he is.

*a partner not and partner

Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 11:25

No that isn't what I mean Muppet that why I didn't say that.

You are back again now on a new thread twisting my words.

Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 11:26

You seem to totally have missed the joy of having dc Muppet

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 11:27

Smotheroffive
I know what you said, but you were wrong, I corrected you. That mother is doing all right having chosen the right side of her share.

I do love the fact that she is complaining about it though.

Rhubarbcrumblerules · 24/10/2019 11:28

mental load
mental load
mental load...

its suffocating, having to make all the day to day important decisions, no-one to talk things through with. Trying to get 2 children through their GCSE years, homework battles, mum-taxi, you name it, all on my shoulders.

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 11:29

You seem to totally have missed the joy of having dc Muppet

I am not raising my kids with the idea that Monday to Friday is a chore, and you only live for the weekends... We juggle, but the week is as positive as the weekends.

Maybe try it? It makes life so much nicer than living for your Saturdays...

Lifeinthedeep · 24/10/2019 11:30

So she has to do all the hard work during the week (homework, getting ready for school, ensuring appropriate bed time, etc.) and her ex gets to have fun with them on the weekends. Sounds like a pretty nasty deal to me.

Essentially, what you’re saying is she has it easier because she doesn’t see her kids so much? You’re naive and a bitter friend.

Whattodoabout · 24/10/2019 11:30

She’s fortunate to have that job but she doesn’t see her children all weekend every weekend and probably has to split Christmases as well. Plus the fact all of the school runs, homework, housework, bedtimes, bath times etc are 100% on her with no assistance.

I was a single parent for a while before I met my DH and I teach so work ‘term time only’. I have my Mum who looked after the DC if I fell short and I had a childminder for wraparound care. The DC didn’t see their Dad very much (his choice) but you could still say my life was easier than some single Mum’s I guess, I didn’t struggle financially anyway. I wouldn’t say it was easy at all though. It’s quite lonely doing everything for the DC and the house alone then sitting downstairs alone once they’re in bed. I used to go to bed at the same time as them and watch TV in bed so I didn’t have to sit downstairs alone.

Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 11:34

Once again Muppet stop twisting literally every word I say.

If you have some sort of issue with me lets hear it instead of following me around on threads with all this PA and twisting every word I say into a negative.

Ironic given your supposed positivity Grin

JacquesHammer · 24/10/2019 11:35

That mother is doing all right having chosen the right side of her share

How do you know she chose it?

I do love the fact that she is complaining about it though

Isn't everyone entitled to a moan?

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 11:37

Smotheroffive
why do you need to become so personal? Because I dare disagreeing with you? wow. You do have a very high opinion of yourself if you think that though.

InTheFrightGardenTonight · 24/10/2019 11:38

Not deluded per se, but has been sold down the river by her ex and is probably grateful hes been so nice. He actually gets to work all week without any childcare concerns and then have his dc to play with at the weekend.

Sorry for jumping in on this @Smotheroffive but I'm having a bit of a realisation here.

This is my situation, except that ExH doesn't work.

I've fucked myself over here, haven't I.

Sotiredofthislife · 24/10/2019 11:38

Isn't everyone entitled to a moan?

Not single parents. Or people who have cleaners. Or people who earn good money. Or people who have parents who do childcare for them.

Happyspud · 24/10/2019 11:41

It is a fair point but it’s human nature to be subject when dealing with themselves. I can’t get worked up about it because it makes no difference to anyone really if her perception is correct or not.

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 11:41

if that was reversed, people would be outraged that the dad gets all his weekends off and all week with his kids, that's what so funny with MN. "when do YOU get free time", "when do YOU get to see your friends/ sport" and so on. Guaranteed.

isthismylifenow · 24/10/2019 11:41

Maybe try it? It makes life so much nicer than living for your Saturdays...

ThatMuppet - I am sure that most SP know what juggling entails. But realistically there are more things that have to be prioritized in the week. As in being at work all day, and getting all the arb stuff done. I am not saying that Saturdays and Sundays are not like this, these can be just as hectic, with sport matches, parties etc. But its different to the normal week day routine.

Alsohuman · 24/10/2019 11:45

It is hard being a single parent. If you think it’s a rose garden, why not give it a go, OP?

Bluntness100 · 24/10/2019 11:51

I think caring for kids alone all week is hard. And just how hard depends on this kids. The bed times, the mornings, laundry, meals, shopping, home work, doing it all your self, week after week is tough.

It's not a competition, and sure some people will have it harder, some people easier, but that's not to say it's not tough for her, especially as she works full time.

ElspethFlashman · 24/10/2019 11:52

I dunno about how hallowed weekends seem to be about here. I tend to enjoy my kids more during the week. Weekends about finish me off!

My friend, the one whose ex picked up the girl from school and dropped her back to school on Saturday, frequently told me that the weekends were the only thing keeping her from losing her mind.

She went out with all her single or "kids a bit older" friends and they'd go to the pub or the club, she even went to Festivals a couple of times a year - child free!

She had lie ins and long baths.....shed recharge her batteries and be full of the joys when she saw her girl again at 3pm Monday.

She didn't have a boyfriend but that was v much her choice as she did get the opportunity to meet them socially. Whereas the Ops friend has a boyfriend and presumably spends the weekends shagging him! Nice!

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 11:54

I think caring for kids alone all week is hard.
but why that constant need to pretend that another parent have help at all during the week, just because they are part of a couple?

It seems that it's either a single parent - usually a mum on here - or a couple with both parents home by 4pm. No in between. That's what is ridiculous.

Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 11:59

why do you need to become so personal? Because I dare disagreeing with you? wow. You do have a very high opinion of yourself if you think that though.

There was no need to speak this way to me. Again the irony is thick.

@InTheFrightGardenTonight

I don't think you have fucked myself over no, and its ok to change arrangements. EOW is the norm for court ordered arrangement with dc staying with RP during the week with maybe one eve during the week or every other week. Thats what most work to as it gives consistency for the dc and shares quality weekend time across both parents. This is legally considered to be best for dc.

Just change the arrangement to EOW and a mid week school pick up instead? Flowers

Smotheroffive · 24/10/2019 12:03

There are plenty of couples where domestic duties are not shared, and that can be like being a SM, but thats a relationship issue between the DPs and not about being a SP.

Daddystilllost · 24/10/2019 12:03

I'm a lone parent. My DC at school all week then my DM picks my child up Saturday lunchtime until I pick up Sunday morning. I don't work due to my health and have no friends. I'm on my own every day besides Sunday. It might sound like bliss to some but I am deeply lonely. To the point where when I see groups of ladies in Cafès or mums chatting in soft play I have to stop myself crying....

It will be the loneliness she is referring to when she says how hard it is.

Before I became a lone parent, I'd heard how it was supposedly very hard. What I hadn't realised is that the hardest part of all is the mental pain....

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