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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tipping. Don’t find my friends ‘joke’ funny, AIBU

276 replies

yadayadayesokay · 24/10/2019 04:29

A friend of mine who lives far away has come to stay with me for a few nights. We went out for a meal together last night (which she insisted on paying for at the end as a thanks for hosting her, if that has any relevance).

When we sat down I had a brief panic, thinking that I didn’t have any cash to pay for a tip at the end of the meal and rummaged through my handbag. She said not to worry as she had cash, but it turns out I had enough anyway.

We then had a conversation about tipping and she told me that she very rarely does and I was surprised, and told her I always pay at least 10% and would feel embarrassed not to. I also told her that my partner and I usually end up arguing about tipping because he is against it and when I put money down he has in the past picked some back up, saying that it’s too much. I told her this really pisses me off and embarrasses me.

Anyway when the bill comes she hands over £2 for the tip and I go to put mine down too, she raises her eyebrows and says something about it being a lot as I’m counting pound coins to put it down, so I feel pressured to match her and only put £2.50 down, the meal was £58 so this is less than I would like to tip. The service was good.

Sometime later when we are almost back to the car she says ‘you’re going to kill me’ and laughs, telling me that she picked up the tip money so we didn’t leave any. I obviously didn’t look impressed and she said she did it to annoy me and to ‘be funny’ and offered me my money back. I said I don’t want it, it was intended for the person who served us. She asked me if I was pissed off and I said yes.

The atmosphere on the way home was a bit awkward but I tried my best to just ignore what had happened and talk about other things, but I got the feeling she thought I was being humourless and there was definitely an atmosphere afterwards. AIBU to not see any humour in what she did?

OP posts:
NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:18

is the same waiter/ waitress expected to tip the cleaner of the public toilets when they use them on their way home from work?

I would, yes.

bailey999 · 24/10/2019 13:20

Or... she can eat wherever she chooses to, pay what is owed, and the server will get their agreed salary. Win win!

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:21

No-one should be expected to pay both.

But the service charge is not compulsory, is it? You can refuse to pay it, say if the service falls below a certain standard.

I can see the argument for always paying the service charge (unless the standard of service is very poor), because although the waiting staff will still be paid regardless, enough people refusing to pay it would surely drive the food prices up. Which would exclude even more MW people from eating out.

But this OP is talking about tipping. Do we know whether this was in addition to the service charge?

FinallyHere · 24/10/2019 13:25

. Do we know whether this was in addition to the service charge?

Interesting how many people have replied without any information on this point.

It does rather change things.

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:27

Butchy, that's right. The service charge is still optional, and I have asked for it to be taken off the bill when the service was really appalling.

But most people wouldn't ask for it to be removed because they couldn't afford to or didn't want to pay it.

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:28

I'd advise her to eat at Pizza Hut, which is cheaper than Pizza Express, if paying an extra £2.50 for the service element of a meal is deal-breaker for her.

I'd advise her to eat where she likes providing she can pay for the meal. I don't imagine many MW workers regularly eat at Pizza Express and the like so the very occasional flutter will have little impact of restaurant policy whether the patron leaves a tip or not.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 24/10/2019 13:30

NewName73
Are you saying if you see a cleaner in a public toilet you tip them?

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:30

Well, I'd advise her to eat where she likes provided she can pay for the meal and the service.

Plenty of self-service places where you can get very good pizzas, and all sorts besides.

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:32

FormerlyFrikadela01

If there's a plate out clearly inviting tips, yes. Which generally happens in quite smart restaurants, ironically.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 24/10/2019 13:33

Plenty of self-service places where you can get very good pizzas, and all sorts besides.

Poor people... KNOW YOUR PLACE! Hmm

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:36

That's unfair. I think that if you choose to eat in a restaurant with table service, you should expect to pay for it - just like anyone else.

I'm not trying to put people in their place. Their are lots of restaurants I can't afford, so I just don't go there. I wouldn't go to a more expensive restaurant and think well I'll save £10 quid on the cost of the meal by not paying the service charge because I can't really afford that on top of the £100 I've paid for the food.

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:37

Plenty of self-service places where you can get very good pizzas, and all sorts besides.

But she wants to go to PIZZA EXPRESS. They do nice steak! Maybe she wants fecking steak!

Poor people... KNOW YOUR PLACE! hmm

So much this. Restaurant apartheid for people who can afford to pay an optional tip versus those who can't. Shock

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 24/10/2019 13:38

If there's a plate out clearly inviting tips, yes. Which generally happens in quite smart restaurants, ironically.

Pp wasnt talking about smart restaurants. They were talking about cleaners in public toilets.

Basically no one ever has a good answer for why one set of minimum wage workers deserve tips over another. It's just the custom is usually the given answer which just doesn't cut it for me. I've done waitressing, I've done care, retail, cleaning and various other minimum wage jobs. Waitressing doesn't stand out to me as harder than any of the others, they were all knackering in their own ways yet only one attracts more (tax free cos let's face it no one is filling out a tax return) money in the form of tips.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 24/10/2019 13:39

That's unfair. I think that if you choose to eat in a restaurant with table service, you should expect to pay for it - just like anyone else.

You do pay for it... you pay the price advertised on the menu. If that is not sufficient then the restaurant should simply raise the price.

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:40

Well, I'd advise her to eat where she likes provided she can pay for the meal and the service.

It hasn't been established that whether the tip refers to the service charge or an additional tip in this case, has it?

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:41

formerlyFrikadela01 I can't remember the last time I saw a cleaner in a public toilet inviting people to leave a tip.

In fact the only place I've seen cleaners in public toilets is at railways stations, where you have to pay to use the facilities anyway.

Do you agree with my point that if there is a service charge, you do not need to leave a tip?

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:43

If that is not sufficient then the restaurant should simply raise the price.

It would certainly avoid a lot of the confusion people seem to have about tipping or not tipping if all restaurants followed the same conventions. However they don't. Some add service to the bill, some don't.

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:45

Another thing which confuses people is VAT.

If you buy food to take away, you don't pay VAT on it. If you eat in, you do.

Same establishments charging different prices for same food for different types of customer.

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:47

Butchyrestingface I've been a Pizza Express regular for at least 30 years, and never, ever seen steak on the menu.

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:47

It would certainly avoid a lot of the confusion people seem to have about tipping or not tipping if all restaurants followed the same conventions. However they don't.

Maybe that is the way forward. Smile

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:48

Butchyrestingface I've been a Pizza Express regular for at least 30 years, and never, ever seen steak on the menu.

Veal? I can't remember what I had at Pizza Express but I do not like pizza so it definitely wasn't that! Grin

yadayadayesokay · 24/10/2019 13:48

Thanks for the replies everyone. I was asking because I know I can sometimes be over sensitive but it seems the majority agree that it wasn’t funny.

Just to clarify a few things - no she doesn’t have form for this type of thing which is why I was taken aback. We’ve known each other 10 years and never played jokes on each other.

When we had decided to go for a meal I didn’t know she was paying until the end. When we arrived and sat down first of all my first thought was ‘oh shit I don’t have cash for a tip’ which was the only reason we had a conversation about tipping, I absolutely would not normally bring it up and did not try and force my view on her, simply stated what I do myself, and this was when I thought I was paying half so she was already well aware of my intention to tip.

When it came to pay she volunteered her £2 towards the tip but knew I had found some cash and I was putting in for it also. I didn’t pressurise her to leave anything and was not trying to show off or something like PP have implied.

OP posts:
NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:49

If the fictional MW worker wants steak, I'd definitely advise her not to go to Pizza Express.

(personally, I'd do the M&S dine in for £12 deal if I fancied steak, but that's just me)

NewName73 · 24/10/2019 13:50

No veal either!

Butchyrestingface · 24/10/2019 13:50

@yadayadayesokay Was the tip additional to a service charge? Smile