Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
tigger001 · 23/10/2019 21:06

he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful

but if he does it all the time, does this mean he is always hungry straight from work, so best time for him to eat

Thehop · 23/10/2019 21:06

I couldn’t get worked up about this, but if he knows you do then it’s a dick move to keep doing it.

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 21:07

@DeRigueurMortis you’re making assumptions and using emotive language.

“ He waltzed in from work and decided to look after himself and piss all over her efforts.”

No where did she describe that happening. He came home saying he was hungry, she said the lasagna is ready but he can have a banana while he waits for her to put the child to bed and he didn’t want to wait and ate his portion of lasagna, telling her it was delicious and he’ll eat the sides when she eats.

HuloBeraal · 23/10/2019 21:07

I also don’t get the fuss. He WAS going to sit down with you and eat the rest. And he ate some when he was hungry. And he was very appreciative of your cooking (as he should be). You could still get a glass of wine and eat and relax while he ate his salad and wedges. If you make me wait 45 mins when I am hungry I wouldn’t be good company.

chardonm · 23/10/2019 21:07

I can't believe the posters who think this is ok. Are there actually people here who have made lasagna from scratch or similar meal who think this is OK?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:08

My 1 year old learnt some table manners by going out to lunch or having Sunday dinner at home, not by staying up cranky and bleary-eyed for an evening meal with us. She got up at 6, ate lunch at 12 and really needed her evening meal by 5 and milk by 6.30, or she would get upset. She puts herself up to bed now when she’s tired. It would be nice if people could be less blinkered.

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 21:08

@chardonm yes believe it or not, no everyone on this planet thinks the same.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:09

chardonm

😂 Lasagne is a basic dinner. It takes a bit of time but it’s not the Fat Duck, it’s just lasagne.

KatherineJaneway · 23/10/2019 21:10

He's being a greedy guts. He could wait for dinner. He's hardly starving.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:10

I can't believe how many people think this is ok

some of us are less precious 🤷

If DH had eaten the entire meal, I would be annoyed - but would just get something else, or send him to the shops.
He had a share, do people really care? Is that one of these threads where women are in charge of the cooking and the meals and men must do as they are told in this area?

chardonm · 23/10/2019 21:11

@Zebraaa I'm just amazed. Don't you have these moments where you think "of course that's the right thing" and then you realise there is not the consensus you thought there would be?

vdbfamily · 23/10/2019 21:12

I cannot understand eating this late on a regular basis. My DH does all the coming as he wfh and I commute. If I am home later than 6( which I shouldn't be but often am) my DH and 3 teenagers will all have finished eating as will not get beyond 5.30/6. He will get very upset if they start' snacking' prior to eve meal as he feels that is disrespectful to his cooking. I would suggest eating earlier, putting toddler to bed after and then relaxing in front of telly later.

Pandainmyporridge · 23/10/2019 21:12

I would be eating my arm off if I had to wait till after 7 to eat. But presumably you have both agreed to this time.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:12

Are there actually people here who have made lasagna from scratch or similar meal who think this is OK?

I don't kill and butcher my own cows or make my own pasta, does it mean I don't qualify?

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 21:12

@chardonm I don’t believe there’s a right or two answer though. Don’t you consider the opposite point of view and think “hmm maybe I should learn to relax a little and let things go”?

Blueshadow · 23/10/2019 21:13

It wouldn’t bother me- but we are not very formal over meals- once I have cooked it, it’s not mine to fuss over any more, so if people want to eat it early/not eat it/have it later because they are not hungry, I wouldn’t be fussed. I might possibly be bothered, if it were a special meal like Christmas dinner.

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 21:13

*wrong answer

chardonm · 23/10/2019 21:13

@Zebraaa i don't have to, I don't surround myself with selfish bores like OP's DH.

Cherrysoup · 23/10/2019 21:14

Yes, yes, other people do things differently and are so relaxed they wouldn’t care if their dh ate dinner walking up the drive, BUT it appears the usual routine is eat together at 7.30. The dh decided to stuff his face the second his wife left the room. I’d be pissed off too if I’d be running round like a blue arsed fly for him to decide he can’t wait half an hour or so (hello, shower after a long commute? Ick! Or shock, horror, spending time with the toddler by putting him to bed?)

Ihavetoomanyfeelings · 23/10/2019 21:15

My OH does over 90% of the cooking, mostly because I could burn water and partly because he really enjoys it. I would never dream of coming home and just helping myself to something he's put effort into making for us to eat together.

The OP isn't enforcing strict rules, she isn't being controlling and telling him what to do. She isn't treating him like a child. 'let the poor man eat' ffs, if the dinner was completely ready and she purposely said 'no we can't eat until 7:15 as that is dinner time' and made him wait until then with nothing important to do in the meantime, then yeah I would say she is definitely BU and to get a grip.

However she has repeatedly said that IT WASNT READY. She was making the sides to go with the dish ready for the dinner time HE SUGGESTED because her making it earlier previously caused him to complain?? And in the meantime she was putting THEIR child to bed, hardly sitting around spitefully 'not letting the poor man have his dinner because he's STARVING'

I'm not really getting how people are saying she's in the wrong. It was incredibly inconsiderate, he could have done the dishes/set the table/poured the wine or even helped with their child. But he's the victim because shes upset that he helped himself before it was ready and before the time he said he usually wants it?

Jesus Christ

chardonm · 23/10/2019 21:16

@ThatMuppetShow no, even if you did kill the cows and make your own pasta; to qualify you also must milk the cows yourself and made your own cheese.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:17

chardonm
damn, I should stop feeding my family ready meals, shouldn't I!

ChilledBee · 23/10/2019 21:17

OP lovingly prepared the meal, she should be the one to serve the meal, to decide when she wants to serve the meal, and it would be gracious to let OP take the first piece and the first taste. OP wanted to share the meal with her husband. He didn't have the courtesy to be patient and to wait a short time, when OP had already spent hours preparing the meal

I felt trapped and violent just reading that. It's like something out of Misery. Or that psycho woman on Hollyoaks.

Raspberrytruffle · 23/10/2019 21:17

Serve him a plate of salad and potatoe wedges hes already had his lasagna

GnomeDePlume · 23/10/2019 21:18

DH is cook in my house. We would both consider it very rude for me to come in from work and help myself to whatever bit of the meal was ready.

When DH cooks a meal it is something we sit down together to eat. He isnt a canteen cook producing trays of food for me to pick from as and when I feel like it.

It is up to the cook to decide when the meal is ready.