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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 23/10/2019 21:19

seawed is wasn't the meal. The lasagne was a component of the meal that had been cooked.

He didn't eat his dinner early - he ate a component of his dinner early - much the same as gnawing in the drumsticks of a chicken before Sunday dinner is ready.

zebra by acting as he did he absolutely pissed on her efforts.

Ultimately each to their own and if you're ok with it in your house then fine.

But I wouldn't stand for it and the OP was annoyed by it.

FWIW I asked DH his view and he thinks it's very rude also and can't understand why a grown man can't either get himself a snack or simply have the courtesy to wait 45 mins.

BillHadersNewWife · 23/10/2019 21:19

My DH does this and it did annoy me but he works a physical job and is sometimes so starving that he just wants to eat....I can't be so precious about my idea of the "perfect" family meal that I;ll make him wait till the rice or wedges are done. I just cook a bit more.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:20

what is it with people in this country and this obsession for snacks?!? Confused

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:21

*seawed is wasn't the meal. The lasagne was a component of the meal that had been cooked.

He didn't eat his dinner early - he ate a component of his dinner early - much the same as gnawing in the drumsticks of a chicken before Sunday dinner is ready.*

You think that. I don’t. I think lasagne is a complete meal, and moreover if my husband really wanted to eat some of the chicken from the roast dinner before we served it, it wouldn’t bother me that much either. He’s not a child, to be told when to eat.

ChilledBee · 23/10/2019 21:22

I can't believe the posters who think this is ok. Are there actually people here who have made lasagna from scratch or similar meal who think this is OK?

Yes. But we try and eat with our kids as much as possible. When we don't, it's up to him when he eats. If it was my cooking night,I'd make sure dinner was ready when he came in. Completely ready.

MotherofOne · 23/10/2019 21:22

YA Definitely NBU - I would also be livid!

RUDE to help himself while you were out of the room
RIDICULOUS to say he was 'starving'
GREEDY to take such a massive portion

I think it depends whether you have a family culture of sitting down at a table to eat together, but there's something about this which is just treating the food as 'any old fodder' to shove down his throat, rather than sitting down together and appreciating your efforts.

Do as others have said - get some quick meals (fresh pasta sauce and veg etc) and when he comes in tell him to cook while you put the baby to bed!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:22

ChilledBee

😂 It was so hard to put my finger on what was so disturbing about that post - nailed it.

Pringlesfortea · 23/10/2019 21:22

Very rude
But also very controlling to make everyone wait if it was ready

rvby · 23/10/2019 21:23

I would never be bothered about eating together so I wouldn't have told him to wait in the first place.

No way in hell would I keep a hungry person from eating when they come in. Food is for feeding hungry people. But I accept that for many it's a weird symbol of feminine power and respect where if folk don't follow certain rules it's a massive insult.

I can't be arsed with that. Just eat the food and move on. I wouldn't be even slightly bothered

OlderthenYoungerNow · 23/10/2019 21:26

JenniferM1989 how about you take that as a lesson about not being judgemental when you don't know the full story. Perhaps the Ops husband sees his child in the mornings, other evenings and weekends just as I do? You don't know the full details of people's lives so remember that when you want to shit all over someone online. We are all just trying our best with our kids.

The husband was being unreasonable to not wait for his wife, who had also cooked the bloody meal in the first place, before he ate. Especially because she was putting the kid to bed! It was half hour, he could have picked at a few wedges or tomatoes from the salad. Had a glass of water. He didn't need to chow into the lasagne, very rude. I'd never dream of helping myself to a dinner cooked by my husband when he was putting the baby to bed. Surely that's just good manners?

Leflic · 23/10/2019 21:27

stuff his face. He expressly said he was starving. And lasagne is delicious. Of course he’s going to have a large portion. He complimented Oo in it too.
Don’t cook long meals mid week for him if you’re going to be all resentful.

Stumpedasatree · 23/10/2019 21:28

Rude of him not to ask you if he could help himself earlier than you'd discussed instead of just helping himself without asking, given you usually eat together and you'd asked him to wait. I would have been very annoyed too. It was disrespectful of him. Does he show this in other ways?

Kitchendiscodiva · 23/10/2019 21:31

I think it's quite funny. He must have been starving and it's really not that big a deal now is it? And YABU too re the wedges, you don't need them with lasagne, It's a carb overload ! Grin Maybe now I'm being unreasonable. Grin

angieloumc · 23/10/2019 21:32

Can't believe some think it's controlling to want him to wait till the whole meal is ready. Controlling gets thrown about a bit too much imo these days.
He was hungry, not starving, and it's plain old greedy to stuff his in his gob while the OP is putting their child to bed. It's 2019 not 1959 he should be helping as they both work full time.
Makes me glad to be divorced haha.

MotherofOne · 23/10/2019 21:34

If this was DH he would have asked what else was left to do (make wedges, pour wine, lay table, load dishwasher?) and got on with that so that the minute I came back downstairs we could eat together,

OR
he would have done baby to let me finish cooking - again, we both could then eat earlier. If he was 'starving' he'd probably eat a piece of cheese or a few crisps or something.

Topseyt · 23/10/2019 21:36

I couldn't get worked up by this. Lasagne and salad would have been the meal in this house. It wouldn't have occurred to me to put potato wedges with it.

We live by the law of the jungle in this house though. When it's ready, dive in.

As for babies' bedtimes, mine went around 8pm. I consider 6.30pm to still be late afternoon.

TitianaTitsling · 23/10/2019 21:36

chilled and seaweed. she should be the one to serve the meal, to decide when she wants to serve the meal, and it would be gracious to let OP take the first piece and the first taste.. yes! Or gollum! Precious dinner!

Stumpedasatree · 23/10/2019 21:36

Does no-one have garlic bread with lasagne? That's double carbing too!

Stumpedasatree · 23/10/2019 21:38

Anyway, unless he hasn't eaten all day at all, I don't believe he was really "starving".

Ragwort · 23/10/2019 21:40

I agree it’s rude, my DH often says he is hungry when he gets home & will have some toast, crisps or another snack but he would always wait to eat with me.

Leflic · 23/10/2019 21:41

Ok so let’s assume he hadn’t eaten all day. Now is he allowed to eat it when he gets home?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 21:42

TitianaTitsling

😂 Howling here.

Josephinebettany · 23/10/2019 21:43

Jesus are some people being deliberately obtuse? Do you forget what it's like to have a 13 month old? They eat together when the baby is in bed. There is nothing abnormal about that. Plenty of people do. Especially when baby goes to bed at 6.30. And why should they make baby eat later so that he eats with them? That's ridiculous. You give baby dinner when it's ready not when it suits you for no other reason than to make baby eat at same time as parents.
OP explained that they usually eat together. Dinner was not ready. Only the lasagne was. The wedges were cooking while she put baby to bed.
If my husband cooked us dinner to have together and said it'd be ready in half an hour and I ate half of it he would be very annoyed. And my reason but I was hungry?
OP is right of course he could have had something small to eat while he waited. It was only 45 mins. He knew she was busy. It's really disrespectful.
And people commenting on her meal not being nutritious enough? Some people are just horrible.
OP you are definitely not unreasonable but it does sound like DH isn't doing enough at home. Although I can't say much about that either. But just to let you know Smile

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 21:44

I have been trying to picture if I would honestly gather the will to care if that happens. What I have come up with:

DH starting the movie we're supposed to watch together whilst I am busy with kids: I would be pissed off.
DH helping himself to a slice of pristine birthday cake: pissed off too (not that he would, but let's pretend).
DH finishing the entire meal planned for us: pissed off, and hungry

DH opening a bottle and pouring himself a glass before I arrive? Nope, not bothered.
DH helping himself to a serving of a ready dish before the meal? Really couldn't care either.

It's not like the DH had dinner and disappeared to the pub with his mates, he is sitting down for a dinner together anyway

Unless the irate posters intended to instagram the bloody dish because #homecookedmeal #dinnerforhubby #perfectwiffey #makingmemories Grin Grin Grin

EdWinchester · 23/10/2019 21:44

Really rude and common as muck.

I can't imagine this.