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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
userxx · 23/10/2019 20:35

Sod the wedges, you needed garlic bread and yes, he was taking the piss.

JenniferM1989 · 23/10/2019 20:35

OlderThanYoungerNow I hope you see what a tool you sound. You won't push bedtime back to see your child? Ok then... I thought seeing your child might benefit them more than half an hours extra sleep

JemSynergy · 23/10/2019 20:36

I would have just served it with the salad if he was hungry.

catsmother · 23/10/2019 20:37

It's bloody rude because you're not running a restaurant where he gets to eat on demand! Having made all that effort, in my opinion the cook gets to call when the meal's eaten .... not least so they can properly enjoy it too, once anything else that needs doing has been done - like settling the baby into bed. FFS, it was only going to be another 45 mins and he's not a small child. Being 'starving' which is a turn of phrase, not a literal state of being usually, is no excuse for being so pathetic and disrespectful. I'd be livid too.

EmmiJay · 23/10/2019 20:37

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who dig into food thats being prepared. Just gluttonous.

Shamanka · 23/10/2019 20:39

He was rude. YANBU.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:39

I can’t believe this is descending into a row about children’s bedtimes. Christ.

Ladyratterley · 23/10/2019 20:39

I would be furious! What a prick.
He’s been really disrespectful.

CalamityJune · 23/10/2019 20:39

Has it occurred to some posters that children are different and the best judges of what suits their children is generally their parents?

My DS is twice the age of the OP's and he is rarely awake after 7pm. He wakes up at 8am with no night wakings. If he ever stays up later than this because we are doing something, he will still wake up at 8am, he will just be tired and grumpy the next day. I'm not going to spoil his next day just to keep him up to see one of us finishing work late.

CalamityJune · 23/10/2019 20:40

You are right @seaweedandmarchingbands and i have been drawn in to the very thing I was eye rolling about!

Whatisthisfuckery · 23/10/2019 20:40

Well, my ruler on this point would be would I be annoyed if my child did this. The answer is yes, I would be bloody annoyed. An adult has fewer excuses, not more.

PixieDustt · 23/10/2019 20:41

I wouldn't care about this if my DP done it. If he's hungry then eat. It wouldn't bother me that I cooked it and he tucked it into. To be honest we both do the sharing of cooking but he wouldn't be bothered if I done it either.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:41

CalamityJune

I’m the same. Mine will be upset if you try to keep her up past 7 and she’s 3. She sleeps 11 hours.

Charley50 · 23/10/2019 20:41

Userxx is right....
you shoulda gone for garlic bread.

DoctorAllcome · 23/10/2019 20:41

I'm not pushing her bedtime back just so I can see her.
That’s sad imho. 😞
Is it that important to you that you not see her that you won’t even allow her to go to bed one bedtime story read by you later? Why don’t you want to see her? Do you especially like to come home to a quiet house and not see or hear children?
If you were a doctor and getting home at midnight, that makes sense. But 7:15? That’s barely evening.

PixieDustt · 23/10/2019 20:41

Tucked into it*

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:41

Me too! 😂

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:42

DoctorAllcome

Children are different and families are different. Stop it, eh?

OlderthenYoungerNow · 23/10/2019 20:43

It's not just half an hour sleep, it's what she needs and what our routine and my commute allows. If I do see her on the days I'm in at 7.15 then she doesnt sleep for hours 🤷‍♂️ I'm not prepared to keep my toddler awake to satisfy my need to see her every night. I see her in the mornings and work from home 2 days a week.

Why I feel the need to justify this to a rude and judgemental person like you though, I'm not sure. You've touched a nerve, and maybe 'I'm a tool' but suggesting I'm a bad parent for not forcing my child out of their routine because I don't work up the road is rude and you know nothing about me or my toddler. I find your judgemental comments about working parents fucking atrocious

Wallywobbles · 23/10/2019 20:44

Rule in this house no one starts eating until everyone is served and sitting back at the table. No one leaves till everyone's finished.

No one leaves the kitchen til everything is cleared away and washed up and wiped.

My kids would really have something to say about his manners.

OlderthenYoungerNow · 23/10/2019 20:45

Yes, it's lovely to come home to a quiet house after a long day and my husband has prepared dinner, of course it is. Doesn't mean I don't miss my daughter though.

SheSaidHummingbird · 23/10/2019 20:45

To those of you saying...

I don't know, he is an adult, sound a bit shit not to be able to eat when you are hungry...

The OP does make it clear in her post that she "told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something" She wasn't depriving him or forbidding her DH to eat. For him to take the lasagne is a terrible gesture for so many reasons.

OP lovingly prepared the meal, she should be the one to serve the meal, to decide when she wants to serve the meal, and it would be gracious to let OP take the first piece and the first taste. OP wanted to share the meal with her husband. He didn't have the courtesy to be patient and to wait a short time, when OP had already spent hours preparing the meal.

There is no deprivation food from OP. In fact, it's her DH who deprived her of sharing her meal with him and spending time together enjoying the meal.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 23/10/2019 20:46

YABVU.

He’s a grown man, it’s his home and he can eat whenever he wants?!

Christ. I really wouldn’t have it in me to get riled up about this.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:46

Rule in this house no one starts eating until everyone is served and sitting back at the table. No one leaves till everyone's finished.

Is that a rule you and your partner/DH have jointly agreed and out in place? If so, lovely. I wouldn’t have ‘rules’ dictated to me by a spouse, however.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 23/10/2019 20:47

Maybe the OP wanted her dinner when she first got in, but she couldn't because no one cooked it for her, she had a baby to look after and feed, a meal for adults to prepare then a baby to get to bed, while her lovely husband swans in takes a shovel full of lasagne and sits to eat, putting himself immediately first and ignoring what actually needed doing, whereas the OP has come in and cracked on with the drudgery rather than just doing what suited her. I would feel resentful too OP.

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