To worry that I'm ruining my 8yr old's friendships (Social Media related)

[concernedforthefuture]

DD is 8 and attends a small ish school (only 8 girls in her year group). Over the past year, most of the girls in her year seem to have suddenly grown up and are very much into fashion, make-up, social media (mainly Instagram & TikTok but a couple have Facebook too), YouTube, gaming (Fortnite and Roblox) and watching TV and films that are generally meant for an older audience (such as Friends etc).
I'm afraid that I'm not on board with the social media and don't allow DD to use it. However, it's becoming very apparent that she is very much being left out of social groups because the other girls all chat / share videos outside of school and DD is not part of this. I have also stopped her from going to sleepovers after the last one she was invited to was a to watch Dirty Dancing (a 15!). The parents (host and other attendees') seemed surprised that I didn't want DD to watch it .
DD remains quite young for her age compared to her classmates and it's sad to see - she has very little in common with the other girls anymore and often tells me she's lonely.
Should I go against my beliefs and give in and let her have access to social media / unsuitable films etc so that she can maintain a friendship with the girls that used to love all playing together. Or should I stick to my guns even if it means that DD is left out?

He’s 14 though so not primary

Marsha. I think there is a difference though. Even between 12 and 13. I would probably be happy enough for mine to use WA by 14. She really has proved herself to be pretty responsible in how she conducts herself.

Oh agree Wine, so I thought I should add the age as it does make a big difference.

We really tried to hold off SM but our non dramatic 12 year old came to me in tears as she was the only one in her gang not on it and was being unintentionally excluded. She even wrote a letter begging to be allowed it with the reasons why listed. I really felt it would have damaged our relationship to continue with our blanket no so do wonder how parents of this age have successfully held firm.

That said my neighbours dd not on it or interested in it she is slightly unusual though guess it depends which crowd your child moves in how important it is to them

MsTSwift - so you held her off til 12?

That is great. The only thing I do is keep checking it out - who they are following/interacting with. And just watch it closely for a while and when you feel it is ok, then do random checks. Be aware though (in case you are not) that the thing now in her group is to post and then delete posts regularly and stories are well used. It means trying to see what they are doing can be mean constant monitoring at first. Mine knows I am on insta for work everyday....

And I have talked to her about the addictiveness, not to use it to bolster her self esteem and so on. I am sure you have covered all that too.

Omg much too young. She is 8? What about hobbies..brownies..music...

You have cast aspersions on the parenting of the hosts and other attendees parents by forbidding your child to see DD when they have okayed it. I can't see there is any coming back from that. You have alienated your dd and put the other parents' backs up.
Way to go!

I think you are being unfair to not allow your DD to go to any sleepovers because they were going to watch an unsuitable film at one. I wouldn't allow films above a PG as I'm sure the vast majority of the parents at school wouldn't either (DD in Y3). Couldn't you allow your DD to attend a sleepover once you had confirmed with the parents that the activities were age appropriate?

As for the other things I would not allow social media but my DD (7y) does watch Youtube and play Animal Jam (in a communal room). However there doesn't seem to be a focus on these things at school as yet.

It’s not what they hear in the playground that’s the problem jennynamara, it’s adults condoning it.