Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sheer top, no bra.

222 replies

PrincessPain · 22/10/2019 07:27

How much would you judge seeing a little more than a hint of a female nipple while out and about? Say shopping in tesco, in the queue at the post office, someone dropping their children off at school?

OP posts:
CravingCheese · 22/10/2019 09:37

if they ask to meet up I come up with reasons to avoid it until they stop talking to me because I keep blowing them off.

Why?
and how about a hobby? Where you would meet people face to face and might also get to dress up?

Or volunteering?
there are charities that offer homeless or underprivileged people clothing, makeup and hair care / advice for job interviews etc...

There are also volunteer in old people's homes, hospices and hospitals (and do the resident's makeup). You might enjoy that.

And meet people, make friends, experience the positive psychological impact of validation...?

slashlover · 22/10/2019 09:37

Are you seeing anyone about your anxiety OP?

Do you have any family- sisters/cousins etc. you could try to arrange a meal out with? Any baby groups you could go to?

Tractorgirlz · 22/10/2019 09:39

If I saw anyone wear that outside the bedroom I’d be disgusted. It screams attention seeking and you’d definitely get the wrong attention.

CravingCheese · 22/10/2019 09:41

Btw: yes, Aibu is fairly vicious.

But could we please show a little kindness to the OP?

Winesalot · 22/10/2019 09:43

PrincessPain

Maybe you need to take it slowly while dealing with whatever is happening on the inside. Can you attend a few meet ups locally with the kids or without if DH can have them. Start attending regularly and build up a network that you are comfortable with.

It is always important to have some element of face to face contact, if you have very little otherwise, to develop friendships that are relevant to you and IRL. Never underestimate that real life component.

slashlover · 22/10/2019 09:44

This is when it's important to RTFT.

OP I'd repost this as it isn't about the top, it's about your anxiety and how you are feeling in your life.

ChippyPickledEggs · 22/10/2019 09:45

I would just think it was weird. I wouldn't be judging in a 'Oooh look at that brazen hussy' kind of way, because whatever. But it's just so obviously inappropriate for day to day wear. I'd wonder if you had mental health problems to be honest.

Blindspot82 · 22/10/2019 09:46

Wear what you want, it's your body and your decision. Not many people have the confidence to wear that kind of top on a night out, let alone doing everyday tasks but that's not your problem. If you feel good in it and it boosts your self-esteem, go for it.

Eeeeeby · 22/10/2019 09:46

Wear it. Wear a big woolly jumper on top. Winter is coming.

bobstersmum · 22/10/2019 09:48

Personally I think it's too much for even a night out, it looks rude! Bedroom wear imo.

LaserShark · 22/10/2019 09:48

I sort of understand given your last posts. I was excruciatingly shy in high school but adopted an alternative style with piercings, bright pink hair and attention-grabbing outfits despite hating attention. It was, I think, about control - as in, I feared people looking at me and laughing at me if I looked normal, so I made myself look unusual so that I knew why people were looking (and sometimes laughing!) I remember at uni a very popular, socially adept girl who I really admired saying to me one day that she wished that she had my confidence to wear the kind of clothes I did (that sounds bitchy, but she said it very sincerely and as a compliment!) But I lacked confidence - it was all a front.

I still dress to stand out rather than blend in and for the same reasons though I have left the piercings and wild hair behind! Now I dress in a more quirky style rather than an in-your-face dramatic way. But it’s the same motivations - I worry that if I put on a pair of skinny jeans and a striped top, people will notice how much worse I look than everyone else because it will be a direct comparison. Whereas if I’m wearing a vintage style dress with coloured tights and a cardigan with a brooch and bright lipstick, I look overdressed for the school run but when people look at me I know why they’re looking. And if they comment on my outfit, it’s positive because I’m wearing something that looks a little bit different (in the social circles I move in - I’m aware my look is not groundbreaking or original and if I lived somewhere else I wouldn’t stand out at all)

I also don’t go out much but I love to dress up so I am more likely to look overdone day to day - I never do casual!

So I think I sort of get where you’re coming from, but nipples would get unpleasant attention and I think it would be out of your control.

I think people responded harshly because it seemed very odd without a bit more context.

scubadive · 22/10/2019 09:49

To be honest, the first thing I thought was is there a mental health concern.

Why would anyone even thing about going out in a top like that.

Men can show nipples and wouldn’t wear that, so free the nipple argument flawed

If you want to wear one why not wear it at home. If you want to wear it outside then it is for attention.

You might as well be topless as to wear that, do you also support nudity?

I think from your posts it sounds like you spend too long looking at what celebs do and wear and should focus on meaningful aspects of life.

SunshineCake · 22/10/2019 09:49

I'd pity someone and be embarrassed for them if they wore a sheer top clearly showing their whole breast at any time of day.

It's a shame if you think showing your body and getting attention is a way to build confidence

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 22/10/2019 09:50

Totally inappropriate for shopping or the school run.

FuriousVexation · 22/10/2019 09:50

I;m trying to decide if I would judge this more harshly than people wearing pjs to the supermarket.

imclaustrophobicdarren · 22/10/2019 09:52

Fine on the catwalk/photo shoot/music video.

Every day life...cheap and nasty.

slashlover · 22/10/2019 09:53

RTFT people

Discussion has moved on. FFS!

scubadive · 22/10/2019 09:58

Why do you put makeup on for photos to put on Instagram?

I really think you need to focus on other things in life. You could make friends through mother and toddler groups. Singing groups etc, there are loads of activities for pre school if you look.

Do you have a hobby you could take up at evening class, I’ve met friends there before.

MitziK · 22/10/2019 10:01

Maybe Pole Fitness would help you feel more confident? It's sort of related - and at least you'd have heating.

ElizaDee · 22/10/2019 10:02

Fine in a music video, not so much for normal people in real life.

Does that really need explaining??

HeyHeyWhatever · 22/10/2019 10:02

I wouldn't want any attention, not positive or negative

I don't really understand how you think this would not cause a reaction, even if it was a raised eyebrow. You would be making a statement.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 10:05

Me wanting to be part of something I'm not part of (x2)

Specifically wanting to show your nipples isn't something anyone is 'part of'. Your posts are quite sad, although your situation isn't unfixable. But I don't understand why your mind has gone to revealing your nipples intentionally as a solution.

echt · 22/10/2019 10:05

How old are you, OP?

If you really need to get the opinions on internet randoms about your tits you need to give your head a wobble.

Oh, and then complain about the feedback. Seriously. Hmm

CravingCheese · 22/10/2019 10:06

@slashlover

Yes! Please people, read the thread.

And yes, I absolute agree. Pole dancing / fitness sounds like it would be a great fit.

Is there a reason why you couldn't do that once a week?
I once took an intro class. Surprisingly entertaining, very demanding and definitely a good place for feeling attractive. And wearing short shorts! 😅

Qu1tter · 22/10/2019 10:06

@PrincessPain

Just hide this thread now love. You're going to get a gazillion eejits who haven't rtft.

You sound lovely, a little bashed and bruised by life and a wee bit naive but lovely nonetheless.

I know you weren't expecting this thread to get heavy but I think you could maybe consider why you feel like you need the hair, make-up, piercings. Do you love them? Do they reflect who you really are or are you hiding? If you are asking online about the top and you talk about putting on and taking off makeup it sounds like you are a bit confused about your identity. It happens to us all at times - especially after children.