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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my male friend is in love with me?

243 replies

ExplodingHeart · 21/10/2019 23:58

I don’t know why I think it. I suppose it’s a gut instinct. I’m very willing be told that I’m being unreasonable but I have this overwhelming feeling that my male friend loves me. Can I possibly know if he’s never said?

If I had to give some rational examples or evidence then I could try...
(For context he’s a very blokey bloke)

  • he remembers all the little and big things that are important to me. He remembers dates that I have told him I have an important meeting or presentation coming up. I might not have mentioned it for 3 weeks but then the day before he sends his good luck.
  • I’ve seen him look at me very differently to normal when he hasn’t had a chance to turn away. For example, one time I was walking ahead of him and had no idea he was there a few feet behind me. We were in a busy place. But I sensed he was there so I quickly turned around and smiled at him, taking him completely by surprise. He looked so vulnerable. He had all this tenderness and emotion in his eyes. A similar thing happened when I was meeting him somewhere and I approached him from afar. He was looking out the window for me. Again all tender and earnest. The second he saw me he turned away and went back to his normal self, full of bravado. A third time we suddenly bumped into each other fairly unexpectedly and he had that look again.
  • another time I was somewhere where he definitely wasn’t expecting to see me. He came into the room (I had my back to him) and his feet shuffled on the floor in a startled way when he saw me. He composed himself in a flash and we carried on as normal.

I just have this overwhelming feeling of love coming from him. Am I projecting or could it be true?

We are very close. I think he’s wonderful.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 30/10/2019 21:51

@ExplodingHeart
COME BAAAAAACK
We want to know if you've shagged each other silly declared your undying love for each other yet!

Monty27 · 31/10/2019 03:00

Don't. Tell him. How you feel.
Give him the opportunity to tell you how he feels. Good luck Smile

Sunflower20 · 31/10/2019 03:14

OP I don't think you should tell him how you feel. Sounds like a solid friendship which you do not want to ruin. I think he is genuinely in love with you he will let you know, soon. I hope he is!

itsmecathycomehome · 31/10/2019 06:03

Come on op. Surely you haven't dragged your heels for another week?!

OhHolyNightWaking · 31/10/2019 08:26

Halloween Shock that OP hasn't returned yet!

ThisIsSamhain · 31/10/2019 09:18

Go for it!!!

Howzaboutye · 01/11/2019 06:36

Oh please update us OP!

BeatriceTheBeast · 01/11/2019 08:50

Maybe she's...you know...busy Grin?

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 01/11/2019 16:34

Sorry to disappoint and/or infuriate you all but there have been no developments.

I’m a coward. I want to tell him how I feel about him but I’m too scared.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 01/11/2019 16:34

Argh!
You don't need to make a big declaration, just invite him for a drink!
x

Pollaidh · 01/11/2019 17:06

I've had maybe 8 or 9 relationships with friends (from 'proper best friends' through to 'friendly and part of the same group') and not a single one has started with a conversation about how we felt. Instead there's always been a moment when friendship has tipped physically into romance/physical, usually after starting to fancy a friend, then hanging round more together, then one night a hug turns into a kiss or something.

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 01/11/2019 17:35

I would like it to evolve naturally but it doesn’t seem to be happening. There’s no point in doing the drinks thing as he’ll be sober and driving.

OP posts:
SacramentoMN · 01/11/2019 17:38

Find out if he wants to go to a concert or something else you mutually like.
Make sure neither of you are driving.

AnotherEmma · 01/11/2019 17:39

Oh well just leave it then.
If he is interested then hopefully he will make a move.
And I think if you were really interested then you would too. The fact that you are not doing anything suggests that you are not too bothered.
I would never have asked a guy out but after I met DH I knew I would regret it if I didn't do anything about it.
However it does bother me that I made the first move and not him so maybe you should wait and see if your friend does anything.

BBBear · 01/11/2019 17:49

Are you always put in a crowd of friends? If so I think the beat thing would be to go out just the two of you. No need for big declarations (or getting drunk!) just spend some time together and see where it goes.

Honeyroar · 01/11/2019 17:56

Could you tell him you've got a crush on someone but you're a bit scared because you don't know if he feels the same? Ask him if he's ever felt like that?

CliffsofMoherVisitor · 01/11/2019 23:14

"Evolve naturally" how? Short of tripping and falling on each other's lips, someone is going to have to go first.

Ask yourself how you'd feel if he started going out with someone else. Then get on with it :)

Enoughnow12 · 02/11/2019 21:24

To be honest I think you're making barriers for yourself which is fine, maybe you don't really want it to happen for whatever reason, but then you have to accept that rarely do things happen so naturally and if you've been friends for years and nothings happened then it'll probably just carry on like that. I don't mean to be harsh but it's true. And life is very short to miss out on something that has potential to be great. Its up to you but I would take charge of the situation. How are you going to feel when he meets someone and you've missed your chance?

SacramentoMN · 03/11/2019 09:24

I was in exactly the same situation as you. We went to a major sporting event together and had to stay in a hotel. We shared a room (thought we'd booked twin beds) and the rest, as they say, is history!
You must find an opportunity to get closer, just the two of you on your own.
If you are good friends surely you can arrange something as friends and see where it goes.

Orangepancakes · 04/11/2019 01:17

Invite him over. Sneak outside when he's not looking and puncture his tyre. Then say "oh no, you'll have to stay over now. Fancy a drink?" Grin

Hushabyelullaby · 06/11/2019 20:53

Do you both have a mutual interest, for instance like the same band/comedian? If you do maybe casually point out that X is playing near you and does he fancy going? That's the type of thing friends would go to, but also gives you the opportunity to tell him. Even better if it's somewhere near-ish, but where you could reasonably stay over (as traffic afterwards would be awful don't you know!)

Isaididont · 06/11/2019 21:07

If you’re too scared to do anything yourself you could involve a friend. That’s what I did. Told my friend “I think I like (my now DH).” Then she said to him later, “isaididont REALLY likes you.” Smile
I know it sounds like we were 12, but no I was in my 20s.

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 11/11/2019 10:31

I have a bit of an update.

I spoke to my friend last week for an hour in the evening. It was lovely, we always have so much to chat about. He’s a little busy because he’s moving house and is very busy with projects at work.

Anyway, the next day I sent him a text suggesting something that we do together. It’s too outing to explain but it’s something that we can do separately and then discuss. It’s a bit unusual and forces a certain level of platonic intimacy. He can be a bit reserved at times so I was wondering how he would react.

So last night he messaged me to say that he’s thought about my idea and he’s chosen XYZ as the idea that we had discussed. His choice was ridiculous and it was obviously a way to sabotage my idea. For example, imagine if I had suggested we go for a hike together and he suggested the arctic. He was partially joking.

Anyway, I was a bit annoyed but also saw the humour in his suggestion. So I went straight back at him with an insult.

He replied and said that my insult was a great compliment which infuriated me even more!!

I then said a line from a film. It’s actually his favourite film and it gives away how I feel about him. I can’t say what the film is or what the line is but it’s a romance. Imagine it’s the line from When Harry Met Sally “When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” I sent it at around 11.30pm last night and he didn’t reply. He was probably asleep.

So now in the cold light of day I’m cringing and feeling utterly exposed. I’m worried that he’ll laugh and that I’m just an ego boost for him.

I’m actually feeling really stressed about it.

Last week he said he’ll call me this week. He tends to call on a a Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon. I’m half expecting to never hear from him again.

Please please please can you make me feel better in some way??

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 11/11/2019 10:38

If this were a romcom he’d just turn up at my house, I’d open the front door, we’d look into each other’s eyes and wouldn’t even need to say anything. Then he’d cup my face in his hands and kiss me on the doorstep.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 11/11/2019 11:14

Well that's so cryptic I couldn't call it either way.

You really are going to have to be brave or will end up with massive regrets.