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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask FIL to stop calling DD his pretty princess?

363 replies

Howdidido · 21/10/2019 17:26

It grates me. DD4 is FILs first grand-daughter. They had 5 some and only grandsons so far.
DD doesn't particularly like being called a princess (except when dressed as a princess) and we're trying to get her to value her kindness and mind more than looks. The problem is she is adorable. (Biased obvs!) Waiters call her a princess and she replies that she's not.
But FIL is always on about how pretty his princess is. It really gets on my nerves
Otherwise lovely grandparents. They do have a tendency to overbuy pint very fluffy/sparkly clothes for her. Lots of princess/unicorn/sparkle stuff.
I know, they've only got 1 GD but can't they big up how clever she is, or strong, or everything else, like they do with all their grandsons?

Any suggestions of what I can say without offending gratefully received!

OP posts:
Isitnearlyweekend · 21/10/2019 20:57

You are being overly sensitive and PC. Just be glad her grandparents love her. My parents didn’t give a toss about my son.

spanglydangly · 21/10/2019 20:58

BiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

cdtaylornats · 21/10/2019 21:12

redexpat - better change that to Speaker

fonxey · 21/10/2019 21:17

If your dd didn't like the name, your fil should respect that.

Personally i find all that girly unicorn princess crap utterly vile and would but want anyone encouraging my daughter down that route. But then when i was 4 i was dreading up as Robin Hood.

The only time I'd call sometime a princess is if i actually meant bitch. But that's just me so I'd be irritated to if someone called my dd princess or failed to recognise their other qualities as well.

Your fil should just respect your wishes as she's your daughter it didn't matter if other people think you're being precious.

In the long run prob didn't matter but i can see how it would grate.

xJodiex · 21/10/2019 21:19

She doesn't particularly like it, so I'd tell him to stop it.

I had a friend who called his 12 yo his princess and it creeped me out.

One of my grandfathers used to tease me about a male friend being a 'boyfriend' (he wasn't - ever) when I was about 6 - 12. It drove me mad and I don't have much contact with him nowadays. He never stopped teasing even after I told him to stop.

RONNIETRIX · 21/10/2019 21:26

You really are over analysing this. Most of the world won't mention her looks and call get princess it's one very doting grand father let her that ! Believe it or not some girls like being called pretty and still turn out normal hard-working bright deep human beings

Weedinosaurus · 21/10/2019 21:29

You’ve spent too much time on here.
You can do all the teaching her about her other qualities etc. He’s adoring his granddaughter and that’s a wonderful thing.

I hate all the pc crap...

MonChatEstMagnifique · 21/10/2019 21:30

I had a friend who called his 12 yo his princess and it creeped me out.

Unless there were other reasons to be concerned, I don't know why this 'creeped you out'. Most people I know have a variety of names for their children, including princess, that are just a sign of affection.

Inthemoment38 · 21/10/2019 21:32

YANBU.

RLOU30 · 21/10/2019 21:36

I voted YANBU by mistake which is annoying
You are being unreasonable. She is 4. Everyone calls my son beautiful and some even mistake him for a girl. None of this bothers me

RLOU30 · 21/10/2019 21:37

On I didn't realise I could change my vote Grin

IDontWantToCookTonight · 21/10/2019 21:39

I call my niece ‘Chicken’ I swear if her mums didn’t call her by her name sometimes she would think her name is chicke.

saraclara · 21/10/2019 21:40

I think people are only just starting to realise the potential effects of focusing on girls looks and boys characteristics

Seriously? I'm 63 and that's been known and acted on for all my adult life! It's at the hub of feminism!

tilder · 21/10/2019 21:41

Wow. Eye opening thread. Op, yanbu. I totally get where you are coming from.

Equality matters.

I have no suggestion on how to deal with it I'm afraid. My in-laws do it too and it has continued as the kids get older. Boys are brave, clever, ambitious etc. The girls dainty, kind and pretty. Winds me the fuck up.

novasglowx · 21/10/2019 21:43

Teach her the response "I'm not a princess, I'm a Khaleesi" Grin

Original poster
Howdidido · 21/10/2019 21:46

You’ve spent too much time on here.
While I agree I probably have, if anything MN has shown me that there are people who do disagree with me very strongly.
In my real world calling a girl pretty as an exclusive compliment is just not the norm. And hasn't been for years.
But DH has a different background. And he agrees with me which he definitely hasn't got from MN!Grin

Thanks for dress idea.

OP posts:
Aprillygirl · 21/10/2019 22:31

Oh stop being so right on and PC and just be happy that your DD is loved and made to feel special. Not every child has grandparents at all, and your biggest problem about them is this? Fucking pathetic.

Ninkaninus · 21/10/2019 22:32

What an eye-opening, and thoroughly depressing, thread.

MustardScreams · 21/10/2019 22:36

@Aprillygirl did you really just call a mum asking a question fucking pathetic? Really?

This is one thing that is playing on op’s mind and she wanted opinions. You have no idea what is going on in her life apart from this thread. I think that’s pretty disgusting of you.

Notthebradybunch · 21/10/2019 22:37

Oh get over yourself, you are overreacting, if you're that desperate tell FIL to stop calling her that, they'll think you're an idiot though.

WagtailRobin · 21/10/2019 22:40

I call my little nieces "princess", I don't think I am demeaning or undervaluing them in any way.

Your daughter can be pretty, girly etc at the same time as being strong willed and clever, it isn't one or another. I think pick your battles and this in my opinion just isn't worthy fighting.

Perunatop · 21/10/2019 22:45

I'm with you OP. Start calling FIL Shrek, to his face and encourage DD to do likewise. Then negotiate, he is no longer Shrek if she is no longer 'princess'.

PJ67 · 21/10/2019 22:47

I'm sure grandad doesn't only value her looks and would probably be horrified to hear you think that. Because you don't like this I wonder if you pay more attention when you hear him say it and maybe don't notice if he says 'what a clever girl', 'you're so brave' or whatever.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 21/10/2019 22:48

In my real world calling a girl pretty as an exclusive compliment is just not the norm. And hasn't been for years.
But DH has a different background. And he agrees with me which he definitely hasn't got from MN!

I've already said it wouldn't bother me unless it bothered my child.

But if you and your husband believe you are right, then she's your daughter, you don't have to ask for opinions on a forum to check if your feelings are valid. You can just do what you want. Speak to your FIL if that's what you feel is right.

Aprillygirl · 21/10/2019 22:53

MustardScreams if I wanted your opinion I would ask for it. I don't so I didn't so kindly keep your snout out. Cheers.

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