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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
Damntheman · 22/10/2019 12:57

I would now be paranoid that MIL would let herself into the house while you're out and help herself to the stuff.. Make that lock change a priority.

Drabarni · 22/10/2019 12:57

She sounds hard work, but no harder than your wimpy dh, how can you be attracted to that.
He needs to grow a pair and put you first, meaning you shouldn't have to put up with this bat shit craziness.
Get him to change the locks today, or call a locksmith out, do not give her another key and ffs tell your dh to get with it, what a wuz

MadameButterface · 22/10/2019 13:04

Wow that text she sent is literally unbelievabe

Therealjudgejudy · 22/10/2019 13:05

Omg...OP, change the locks!!

gamerchick · 22/10/2019 13:11

You text your mil. Tell her it's not happening and for the sake of family harmony she's to drop it now.

Then change the locks, although I very much doubt shell come and steal stuff. Will she?

Change them anyway, that should have been done when she took the key in the first place.

SandAndSea · 22/10/2019 13:13

"No. We're not finished using it so won't be lending it to anyone at the moment."

And repeat.

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 22/10/2019 13:21

🙈 I can’t even process her response! Absolutely don’t give them anything AND change the locks ASAP!

FWIW- My MIL recently expressed her dismay at DH and I moving house (loud student neighbours have moved in on both sides). DH can just about sleep through it and is very close to work here. MIL suggested I could ‘stay elsewhere’ - 😒 did I mention I’m 17 weeks pregnant and have been pretty poorly all the way through

Justbaking · 22/10/2019 13:26

Cheeky cow 33 isn't old for having a baby. I was 43 when I had my last.

Definitely change the locks. It's easy to do it yourself and don't even tell her. That way if she ever try's to enter your home without you knowing she won't be able to contain herself and you'll know.

Wonderland18 · 22/10/2019 13:33

Omg no. Your mil sounds awful.

Your getting old. What gives her the right to demand someone else’s belongings. Oh the actual cheek.

KatharinaRosalie · 22/10/2019 13:34

I really don't get the assumption that you should lend the clothes and things out just because you are not using them this very moment. I don't lend my own shoes, clothes, car or whatever out to random relatives. Yes kids grow, but things still get worn out, and clearly a pram or babygrow that has been used by 5 babies is not the same any more.

when you have no use for the things any more - sure! But why should your potential DS2 get o wear and use more heavily used things?

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 22/10/2019 14:05

There’s very very few people that would want to take every single baby essential as a hand me down, unless they had no choice. A pram, cot etc picked by someone else for their specific needs, washed out baby clothes with poo stains in someone else’s style.

This. We got given everything you needed for a baby from my Sils who had kindly kept everything in case we changed our minds about having a baby (dh is the youngest). I didn't want anything baby related in the house until I was almost ready to go into labour...I got tonnes of stuff including toddler beds, prams, pushchairs, a moses basket older than me (dh, his sisters and their kids had all slept in it), clothes, dressing up costumes, jigsaws and toys dropped off as soon as we told dh's family I was pregnant.

Change the locks and talk direct to your BiL/SiL.

diddl · 22/10/2019 15:19

"Change the locks and talk direct to your BiL/SiL."

Yup!

Surely your husband can just phone his brother & say that you've nothing to pass on?

I'm not sure what Op & her husband being expected to pass everything on says about how MIL views her sons tbh.

That BIL/SIL can't support the child that they are expecting?

That they don't deserve to choose new stuff for themselves?

evian76 · 22/10/2019 17:35

It’s your stuff, that’s so rude/presumptuous and I would find it hurtful as my baby’s things have sentimental meaning to me. To avoid causing friction I would just say ‘we would but we are not planning to stop at one so would like our next baby to have their siblings things’ or something like that. But equally a WTF response is valid here!

Tistheseason17 · 22/10/2019 17:42

Now you've told her, change the locks!

I can imagine you suddenly becoming aware of missing items....

sunshine11 · 22/10/2019 17:46

Can you be positive about it rather than negative? “Thank you so much for asking if we had finished with our baby stuff. We’d love to pass it on but we are hoping to get pregnant again soon so will keep it”. That way you’re giving praise, not disagreeing but still setting firm boundaries.

toria6118 · 22/10/2019 17:47

Fuck no. So cheeky to just presume. They can get their own stuff. Just nope.

Bluesunglasses · 22/10/2019 17:53

My dad told his cousin they could have my DD's beautiful clothes, because I'm "not having any more children anytime soon!". Doesn't matter if you're having more children or not in the near future imo, I paid for it I'm not ready to let go of it and you shouldn't be made to give anything that belongs to you away!

insanepizza · 22/10/2019 17:54

My god your mil is rude.

bpirockin · 22/10/2019 18:07

MIL is a serious CF, and very rude with it. Change those locks asap!

MrBlobbyWasTrulyAwful · 22/10/2019 18:08

Please change the locks ASAP, the fact you mentioned she has a key says you know she will try something.
Don’t give her the chance. Even if you felt a bit bad her rudeness should help get past that!

FindusCrispyPancakes · 22/10/2019 18:11

I could understand (sort of) if you had completed your family and said that you wanted to give it all away, but I'm confused why anyone would expect you to give everything away if you only have one child and haven't mentioned your family being complete?

You need to tell them you aren't giving them all your stuff!!

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 22/10/2019 18:11

So if for example you became pregnant in say 2 months, the babies would be 5 months apart so she would want you to give them everything and then what would you do?

ToftyAC · 22/10/2019 18:15

Wow! What a rude, entitled trashpanda your MIL is. Well at least you know what she thinks of you. Get your locks changed and give her a wide berth....

user1465335180 · 22/10/2019 18:20

Op, sorry your MIL is a such a rude woman. Change your lock and make sure you're home to watch her face when she tries to get in and fails, you can give her the MN sweet smile and head tilt just to complete the moment.

ToftyAC, I love Trashpanda, I'm going to be using that, OK?

caringcarer · 22/10/2019 18:26

It sounds as if your MiL has assumed you would be passing on baby equipment, clothing and toys to your BiL and Sil. It might not be anything to do with your BiL or SiL. I would tell MiL you are not passing it on but instead saving it for a second dc. I would also offer SiL to buy her an item and outfit closer to the time. Just out of interest did MiL buy much of the baby stuff you have?