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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 22/10/2019 10:59

Change the locks before MIL comes and helps herself to the baby gear.

Original poster
TheCheekOfSomePeople · 22/10/2019 11:41

Mil bought the cot. My parents bought the pram. Other than a few items of clothes and books as gifts we bought the rest.

Update - I drilled dh about it as soon as he came home. He didn't give me a direct answer about what answer he said to mil, something about "asking me". So I told dh to contact his mum and say we weren't ready to get rid of the baby stuff. He texted her because he did not have the courage to call and tell her no. She demanded to know why, saying "is it me being selfish?". Dh replied that we are not done using some of the items like the pram and we might be trying for another baby soon. Mil's reply was "I thought you weren't having another baby. Are you sure you want and can cope with another one?. Surely you can lend the baby stuff to bil and get it back if she gets pregnant as she is getting older and it may not happen (I'm only 33 Hmm)

OP posts:
nedflandereses · 22/10/2019 11:54

"This is none of your business. We won't be lending or giving away our baby items."

Then change the locks.

Buyitinbamboo · 22/10/2019 11:56

get it back if she gets pregnant as she is getting older and it may not happen (I'm only 33

What the fuck. She is mental

raspberryk · 22/10/2019 12:03

Text back that you have unprotected sex twice a day every day so you will definitely get pregnant Grin

Your MIL sounds like a bitch .

Rosetinted47 · 22/10/2019 12:05

Has your DH checked with your BIL to see if they even want your stuff?

EKGEMS · 22/10/2019 12:06

She doesn't sound like a bitch she IS a bitch

Whattodoabout · 22/10/2019 12:09

Don’t lend them it. There was a thread on AIBU a few months ago where a woman had lent her maternity clothes to either her SIL or best friend and when she got pregnant again, she asked for them back and it caused a humongous rift.

It’s just not worth the hassle. If you’re going to be TTC soon you may as well keep ahold of them. Tbh, I would keep them out of spite if nothing else purely because they have been so grabby and rude.

WitchDancer · 22/10/2019 12:10

Oh my word, I hope that she's messaged without engaging her brain about what she's just said! I didn't have my first DS until I was 37 so you've plenty of time.

It makes you wonder if she offered your BIL baby stuff without thinking that you were still using it, and is now panicking because she may have to buy new now?

Raindancer411 · 22/10/2019 12:14

She doesn't sound like she thinks much of you OP. Tell her to stick it and keep the stuff.

KatharinaRosalie · 22/10/2019 12:30

Selfish? It's your stuff!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 22/10/2019 12:31

I think your DH is about to get a harsh lesson in which one of the siblings is the favourite. He may not have seen it before, but it's about to play out now.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 22/10/2019 12:33

I’d be amazed if your BIL and SIL knew anything about it- MIL has gone rogue.

There’s very very few people that would want to take every single baby essential as a hand me down, unless they had no choice. A pram, cot etc picked by someone else for their specific needs, washed out baby clothes with poo stains in someone else’s style.

SIL is potentially excitedly read watching pram models and car seats right now completely oblivious to MIL’s mental request.

AryaStarkWolf · 22/10/2019 12:34

Bloody hell that update!!! What a cow she is. Also, doesn't a 22 month old still use a cot aswell as pram anyway and even if you were going to give them your baby stuff at 12 weeks? Bit early isn't it?

Anyway after the cheek and nastiness of those replies, I'd be telling her to piss off

PalindromicUser · 22/10/2019 12:34

Well you know what your MIL thinks of you now OP ShockConfused

MeridianB · 22/10/2019 12:35

OP, stick to your guns, now more than ever.

Your DH doesn’t have the courage to speak to her and now it’s clear why. She sounds appalling. I really hope your DH at least defended you.

Don’t share any more info with her. To be honest I’d find it hard to have much to do with her at all!

Hang in there. 🍰

Brefugee · 22/10/2019 12:38

Ask MIL for the key back because "we're having sex all over the house all the time as we're TTC dontcha know?" and then tell her you're giving all your baby stuff to your sister/friend/woman down the street/charity and to get to fuck...

Aderyn19 · 22/10/2019 12:43

Send a message back asking if she has any idea how bloody rude and offensive she sounds. Remind her that she has no right to arbitrarily give away your property. And yes, get your key back.
Your husband really ought to man up and talk to her, not text.

Soubriquet · 22/10/2019 12:48

We had the opposite problem too

Soon as I said I was pregnant with a girl, my sister dumped all of her old girls clothes on me.

Every single stained, ripped and stinking of smoke item.

They went straight in the bin.

She tried to give me a cot and single bed too as “they would only go to the tip otherwise”

I refused and told her to take them to the tip!

She fell out with me for months after that calling me rude

Original poster
TheCheekOfSomePeople · 22/10/2019 12:52

Definitely won't be giving mil anything. Think I might have to change the locks because there is no way I will get the key from her
Think bil's fiancé will want the stuff as alot of the furniture in her house is second hand family stuff. And awful to say but she is very tight

OP posts:
MeridianB · 22/10/2019 12:53

How do you stomach her?!

Polydactyly · 22/10/2019 12:54

Wow your mil is nasty! Did your DH tell her so? How dare she! Don’t be lending anything now and change your locks too. Tell her it is because she was so nasty to you both on his occasion so she knows it was her in the wrong. Be upfront and keep it simple as possible.
“I’m not lending you anything and I don’t want to see you for a bit thanks to what you said to DH about me having another baby and automatically blaming me.” Don’t tell her you’ve changed the locks. It’s your house, not hers.

Soubriquet · 22/10/2019 12:56

Yes definitely change the locks and just keep saying no

If they do turn up with a van, bolt the doors and refuse to answer

SuitedandBooted · 22/10/2019 12:56

I would be texting back. " We will be keeping all our baby things for our current and any subsequent children.
I'm sure you will enjoy buying things for Bob* and his fiance"

100cupsoftea · 22/10/2019 12:56

That's crazy!!! Tell them to get better jobs and buy their own stuff 😂 seriously though, that's out of order to assume like that. Baby stuff can be really sentimental and for all they know you're already trying... Send them links to similar stuff on Gumtree or FB market place!

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