...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

With many disabled toilets it’s not even about the space inside but getting inside them. Ds is a wheelchair user and often just opening the heavy doors to manoeuvre him in is a pain. There are plenty I don’t see how an independent wheelchair user could get in.

So of course poor design restricts the activity of many disabled people. Add to that people abusing the toilets and it’s not hard to see why so many disabled people just don’t go out.

wow this thread is crazy. so we now have the "omg my child will be stolen" and "omg my child is too naughty" as excuses to use a disabled toilet.\why the fuck do mn hq not stamp this stuff out.

I agree 100%. Every time I read a thread like this one, I am astounded at the selfishness and thoughtlessness of some people. MNHQ should take a much harder line in dealing with disablism IMO.

I see someone left the gate open at the cunt farm.

We've had a reference to benefits paying for assistants.
We've had the assumption disabled people have no experience of the violin worthy hardship of being a parent.
We've had the suggestion disabled people need to be more understanding about the difficulty of using a pram in public.
We've had the excuse that parents might not want to control their older dc in the general toilets.
We've had the theory disabled people need to be suitably humble and polite if they object to anyone abusing their facilities, or indeed in general if they expect any human consideration.

Now we just need an anecdote about an encounter with a rude disabled person and a poster with a mythical disabled relative that says they agree being a parent is a disability.

Noticed all those with a million of reasons have gone quite when practical solutions have been provided.
Another reason why parenting is in no way near the same as having a disability. People with disabilities try to live with minimal impact on others and look at how they can make adaptations to meet their needs. Companies recognise that an assortment of things need adaptations and create items. The mindset generally lets do what we want and fuck over others in the process.

People with disabilities generally want to go about their days as easy as possible. With limited disruption. They wanted to be able to go out of their homes. Hence one of the reasons behind the bus campaign. They want to engage with society just like anyone else.

Not been able to just walk out of the door is taken for granted by a lot of people. Great you can just pick up your keys and go. Many others within society cannot.

To enable those with disabilities have some quality of life there are disabled toilets. It’s one toilet. That’s it. Now go into the ladies/gents how many times do you encounter one cubicle? There’s usually a few. That’s still more choice available to you than those with a genuine need.

I find this thread disturbing to read so many people who medically qualify for the key, feel the need to explain why they need the facility. You don’t have to justify yourself and feel that guilt you do. It’s really shitty enough at times dealing with health issues, without entitled people making you question your legit need.

Noticed all those with a million of reasons have gone quite when practical solutions have been provided

What practical solutions?
If you are classing a toilet and changing unit as practical - that's not answering the ops question.

I see someone left the gate open at the cunt farm

Love this, I'll be using it in future 😂

Great summary & I also 100% agree that this sort of disability crap needs to stop & MNHQ could do a lot more to stamp it out.

This sort of disability crap, alongside racism, & bigotry in all its forms, spewed out on the back of Brexit, is becoming normalised & allowing it to stand on forums like this only adds to that feeling that it's all okay. It is not.

I've seen several friends go through really nasty confrontations in recent years. Like my friend 2 days out of hospital after major heart surgery, being the feisty woman she is, she went for a bus ride into town. Only to be screamed at & verbally abused to the point of tears & a seriously bad turn, by an older man for sitting in the disabled seat, where she clearly had a right & need to sit. This shook her up so badly, it shook her confidence in people being kind & made her afraid to go out alone. This sort of stuff happens everyday, it has an affect on people whose lives are already more difficult than you can ever understand, many of us are bringing up kids & often kids with disabilities too. I've had it myself whilst pushing my daughter in a wheelchair, people really can be vile. It's not hard to see from this thread, who feeds into the same train of thought. Go give your heads a wobble with a bloody big mallet

I see someone left the gate open at the cunt farm

I have never seen a better sentence on the internet

No the two rooms intermingled are not a solution.

The shewee or whatever it’s called. It’s a practical solution for any female who isn’t medically able to get a radar key.

BlackBear19 neither have I heard any practical solutions - well none that weren’t suggested earlier in the thread which is pointless discussing now

Away you go a don't talk rubbish. Where the fuck is she meant to use a shewee. Right in the middle of the street ??? So she can keep an eye on the kids at the same time.

Change was it you who said you were going to start a thread on how mums with prams use the loo when they are out alone?

Yes - haha curious as to what others do

Another reason why parenting is in no way near the same as having a disability

No one has said it is?

Thank you, just a shame it's applicable on this type of thread.

Why is it up to anyone else to suggest alternatives? Would any of you be happy if some randomer prevented you using something you need with the excuse they didn't fancy the alternative.
'Yes mrs knob, I am parked blocking your drive, but I have a child'
'Oh no, I can't possibly go to the trouble of parking round the safe residential corner, I might get car jacked. This definitely happened to my cats friends owners grandparents gardeners dog breeders niece'.
'Well, it's not my problem there's not a public car park that panders to my none existent needs. Blame the road planners'
'Well, when I come back to my car nobody is waiting to get on or off the driveway'
'Well, it's your problem to suggest an alternative'

Huge difference between leaving a car and a child.

Some people are really just being silly.

Get one.
I was Incontinent after having my youngest. I wish I had thought to get a radar key it would have made my life a hell of a lot easier and happier.
They are accessible toilets.

You don’t have to use it in the middle of the street.
Many of the issues are - but I cannot pee with the cubicle door open or other reasons becuase they don’t want to be see weeing.
Stand use the shewee, children behind you safely

Don’t fancy the ladies loo. Not unusual for females to use the men’s. Shewee at the urinal.

And yea the street. Outdoor public urinals are already a thing. Why shouldn’t we use them? The shewee can be discreetly used once you get the knack of them.
I used mine at the outdoor urinals last week near Shoreditch.

I'd rather be silly than selfish

YANBU. I took a radar key from work when my kids were little - it's so much easier, not to mention cleaner, to just use a disabled toilet. I still use it sometimes, even though my youngest is 12.

@mummythedoctor

Very late to this thread but yes, it would be unreasonable. I say this as a mother to a baby.

The reality is, I once had to queue for a mother and baby cubicle. My DD at the time was only a few months old, and there was absolutely no other workable solution (the car was parked miles away, only toilet nearby, etc). No word of a lie, but we were queuing for over 15 minutes for one person who had two kids. The fact you have 3 children and are wanting to use a disabled toilet is ridiculous.

I didn't enjoy waiting, but I had to. However, I cannot imagine how awful it would be if someone who urgently needed to use the disabled toilet couldn't because you were in there with three kids. Can you not see how the logistics of this would work? You wouldn't ever just pop in to change one child quickly/have a quick pee yourself. You'd go in, change all three and go to to the loo yourself to save yourself hassle later on. Therefore, leaving the toilet out of use for at least 15 minutes.

If you had a disabled child or were disabled yourself, it would be fine. However, you aren't. Leave disabled facilities for those who need them. You chose to have three kids under 3, no one made you do that. You have to come up with your own solutions that don't involve impacting on someone else's life, especially when you have no need or use for the space you're occupying.

Honestly. Next you'll be wanting to use a disabled parking space because all the mother and baby ones have been taken and you have "three under three". It isn't an excuse.

Also, baby change facilities are few and far between?

Literally every time I've taken my daughter out, I've came across plenty of them as the day has gone on. They're pretty much in every supermarket and shopping centre. Most cafes will have one cubicle with them, too. I've also found them at every tourist attraction I've been to. It really isn't hard to find one if you go to, you know, common busy places. The only place I've ever had to change DD in the back of the car was because we went to a sunflower field which was, guess what, in the middle of the countryside.

Just because you can't be arsed walking an extra 10 minutes up the road to find one doesn't mean you get to use a disabled toilet to save you the hassle. Disabled toilets are for those who need them.

@hotcuppaplease so your life being easier and happier is more important than a disabled person being able to use a toilet.

You are exactly what is wrong with the world.

This thread is utterly ridiculous from suggesting women use men’s toilets, do you think men would be comfortable with this too promoting peeing in the streets to leaving children out of sight.

Get a grip

Not unusual for females to use the men’s. Shewee at the urinal

How ridiculous, what on earth?