...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

would you be suggesting I use the toilet shut the spot & leave my 6 month old unattended?

Unattended on the other side of the door....?

@jacshammer that won’t be happening! It’s disgusting to suggest that. My baby is out of sight, unsupervised. He’s 6 months old for fucks sake!

You do choose to have kids very close together though! Twins or no twins.

It’s just selfishness to use disabled loos and the posters who aren’t able to see that are the entitled lot that don’t give a shit about anyone apart from themselves.

Look at the people here bitching about how to pee with a fucking door open. How about they put themselves in someone’s shoes that can’t use a toilet without 2 adults helping, or need a catheter, or use a nappy. How hard that must be? But oh no! Have to kick off because miss I can’t plan ahead had to figure out a way of using a toilet without inconveniencing others.

It’s disgusting to suggest that. My baby is out of sight, unsupervised. He’s 6 months old for fucks sake!

Oh get a fucking grip. It's a toilet door, you're not handing them to a Little Buttercup type figure.

Disgusting

@jacshammer don’t question my parenting choices. To leave a baby out of sight in a public place Is beyond dumb!

Hahahaha oh the ignorance would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking soul destroying..

People shouldn't be trapped in their homes, it's bad for their mental health?
What about the many disabled people trapped in their homes because they don't meet the NHS criteria for being supplied a wheelchair - that criteria is that they must need it for education or work, simply wanting to leave the house and do some shopping or meet friends is not a priority so those not in education and who cannot work, no wheelchair for them, they will have to self fund that.

Carers Allowance is just £66... it is paid to someone who provides 35 hours a week care for you, and this will not be a professional, but a relative, close friend or partner - my PA is paid 8.25 an hour, to provide 35 hours of assistance I'd need to find around £290 a week!

So yeah, disabled people find help to go out, go with friends, family, organisations that take folk out, or they pay heavily out of usually a very limited income... or they do not go out.

We look at every place we plan on going, can we park there, can we get to the toilet there -this information is often hard to find and inaccurate, so every trip out risks being aborted in the early stages when we can't park or discover the toilet actually isn't accessible.

Why SHOULDN'T a parent have to consider accessibility with their choice of pram/pushchair?

I have to consider it with my 'choice' of wheelchair, power chair or scooter (and those choices are far more limited by actual availability of equipment, cost of equipment, before I even get to consider 'will this actually fit here.. or there..')

Still, most of you WILL eventually realise all of this for yourselves, because statistically you aren't 'not disabled' you are in fact 'not disabled YET'... eventually if you live long enough, you or a close relative or partner WILL be disabled yourselves.

This “low level” disablism is really depressing. But at the same time not even shocking. It’s what is faced every time people with disabilities leave the house

@HowlinProwlin I do agree with what you're saying in some respects. Before I go out why my baby I check that there are appropriate facilities, presumably as you do.

The issue OP has is the same as the issue you have - some places just aren't accessible or facilities aren't provided, and they should be.

However, physical disability is no more or less important than mental disability. You should be able to go out without having to worry, and so should OP.

don’t question my parenting choices. To leave a baby out of sight in a public place Is beyond dumb!

If it means you're abusing the disabled facility (and no, I'm not discussing a facility when the baby change is unfortunately in there) then I do think your parenting choices need to be questioned.

I think you've really over-stated the risk. I mean its one door, in a ladies loo. I'm waiting to see this wealth of data that shows babies are being snatched from public conveniences.

I assessed the risk and was quite happy to do that with my daughter. She's now 13 and has - totally shockingly - escaped unscathed.

Howlin, so everyone should suffer because the government is not funding care and accessibility to the level required? I'd rather assist in pushing for change in that area, for more adequate facilities and a fairer wage for those who often have to work around caring for someone else; which is absolutely disgraceful, than for pram cubicles. FFS. And how on earth do you know that people don't already realise this? Close family care for a relative as although he is eligible for full time care from a paid professional, no one wants to do it, so they can't leave him at the drop of a hat when I need to pop out (which is more than understandable). No pushchair would fit into the cubicles in town here, and plenty of 'transient' people who have broken limbs etc only use them for a short space of time (often following injuries obtained through activities they have chosen to do), and haven't added anything to the effort of improving provison. Or is it just mums who are snarled at?

@jacshammer congratulations on mum of the year! It’s interesting to know is there was only a small risk you’d put your child in that situation. Somebody actually attempted to snatch my friends child in a shopping mall right in front of her face, whilst she was holding her daughters hand. Again you don’t leave a baby out of sight not even for a minute. Listen in the near future I’m going to start a thread asking mums with young babies/children what they do when out alone & need to use the toilet when only a disabled toilet is suitable - keep your eyes pealed. Your rather entertaining

I'd buy one for emergencies. But avoid needing to use it where possible (online shopping).

What you could do is present to the store manager and ask what they expect you to do. Ask if they can supply a member of staff to watch your children as the facilities are not suitable for mothers with young children.

I absolutely hate shops not providing toilets accessible by pram.

Again you don’t leave a baby out of sight not even for a minute

How exhausting for you.

Feel free to tag me in your ever so exciting thread. You might want to try copying and pasting the name though, wouldn't want to miss it.

Listen in the near future I’m going to start a thread asking mums with young babies/children what they do when out alone & need to use the toilet when only a disabled toilet is suitable

Oh and I shouldn't bother really TAAT aren't in the spirit of the site.

Somebody actually attempted to snatch my friends child in a shopping mall right in front of her face, whilst she was holding her daughters hand.

It does happen. You can often find the cctv footage of this type of thing online.

Listen in the near future I’m going to start a thread asking mums with young babies/children what they do when out alone & need to use the toilet

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news or anything but I think you might find someone has beat you to it. You know this thread, the one you are posting on, has a lengthy discussion on the subject

*JacquesHammer Thu 24-Oct-19 11:44:33
Listen in the near future I’m going to start a thread asking mums with young babies/children what they do when out alone & need to use the toilet when only a disabled toilet is suitable

Oh and I shouldn't bother really TAAT aren't in the spirit of the site.*

so true. funny how this goady thread is deemed in the spirit!!

@jamztho they watched the group of guys on CCTV they followed them from shop to shop paying a lot of interest in the little girl. They tried to walk into them to get my friend to let go of her daughters hand then finally they literally snatched her off the floor & ran with her. She was only 3. On CCTV there was a woman with them then she disappeared so the police thought the woman hand picked her daughter

@Jamzvtho ^^ apologies spelt your name wrong

they watched the group of guys on CCTV they followed them from shop to shop paying a lot of interest in the little girl. They tried to walk into them to get my friend to let go of her daughters hand then finally they literally snatched her off the floor & ran with her.

So unlikely this group of guys are going to be in the ladies toilet then? I mean seriously, that situation is not comparable with going for a pee in the ladies toilet, at all. You are rather silly to even use this example when it's so clearly not a risk within the toilet.

@cactusthief did you not see me write there was a woman with them if they are willing to risk grabbing a child in front of the mother they won’t think twice about a child left alone. Besides, it’s not something I’d risk after that

did you not see me write there was a woman with them if they are willing to risk grabbing a child in front of the mother they won’t think twice about a child left alone

Yes I also saw you say guys were following her around. There are not list of guys following people round the ladies toilets.

HTH

for the record, yes I do know men have entered ladies toilets before, however what you described and what actually happens when you go for a pee and not the same.

@cactusthief I’m confused - what’s not the same? I’m blown away people would leave a baby out of sight

There are many people with disabilities who have to plan their lives around what facilities and support is available.
We can only go to many places when both of us are available because ds needs 2:1 support. We have to consider toileting facilities because lots of disabled toilets aren't big enough. We have to consider whether his buggy or wheelchair will be needed and is there space for them. We have to consider who else is likely to be there - if it is full of young children then it is a no. We have to consider noise and lighting and safety. We have to make plans for exactly how we are going to leave quickly if he gets distressed or how we will manage unsafe behaviour.
Yet some parents don't think they should consider the practicality of the pushchair they choose.

You are indeed confused.

Have a nice day