...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

@JacquesHammer

Of course I absolutely get that - and absolutely wasn't what I meant.

Oh, I didn't think you meant that at all! It was just my first thought. Dry humour doesn't come across very well on here!

Examples like yours are why we need the conversation. The vast majority of disabilities are acquired during someone's lifetime (for many reasons including broken limbs). Some disabilities are temporary. Those suffering with these are disabled in my opinion and just as entitled to accessible spaces as I am.

Sirzy it's probably down to a law of averages. People who only use disabled loos for a short period of time couple of years with a buggy, few months with a broken limb. Are less likely to run into issue using the facilities than somebody who is using disabled facilities for years.

There might also be an element of who really remembers who's waiting when you come out? But if your distressed because of an accident then its more likely to stick in your mind that 'somebody' was in the loo before you.

All of this stuff is a headache for big stores who we expect to provide facilities.

Space for BFing mum, oh we need to allow a space for a bottle feeding dad. They can use the same space as BFing mum!
Loo to get a wheelchair in, what about the broken leg person, use the same as wheelchair!

Ah but I have mental health reasons why I want more private space. But you don't need the extra space just quiet, and sink beside loo.
I'm trans I don't want to use mens, women don't want me in theirs.
Actually unisex loos with sinks solve both the above.

It's that suitable for chrons person again taking presure of disabled loos?

I can't leave my kids outside. The disabled loo is bigger and that's why the baby change is in there.

And what's in it for the shops to provide facilities esp when they are under pressure from internet sales.

The reason there isn't always someone waiting for the disabled toilet is because not all able bodied people are selfish arseholes. Lots of us have the wit to know being a parent isn't a disability, ergo we don't use facilities we don't need. If we all started behaving like knobs, there would always be a disabled person waiting.

I hate shopping centres and I hate queues, and adhd really doesn't help. I find a long queue for the ladies frustrating as fuck, and get really irritated, which doesn't immediately wear off. However, I don't suffer the same repercussions as others with hidden disabilities, and I can physically access the ladies. So I just deal with it, because it's far better than me hogging a disabled toilet someone else may need. Not so some inconsiderate twat of a parent can hog them instead.

Perhaps unreasonable to order a key, however there really isn’t much else you can do especially with twins op. How can you use the toilet with two small children in your sole care. I’ve not read the thread but I imagine you’ve had a roasting & years ago you have have been hung for suggesting this

There is never going to be a law which stipulates places need to have a cubicle suitable for a pram, and rightly so when campaigns such as Changing Spaces which would make some people's lives immeasurably better should be prioritised. But similarly not really sure what the solution is, and why people can't grasp that it's a bit odd to suggest people don't go out of the house alone until their child is capable of being out of a pram, or leave them outside of a cubicle on their own in public toilets. The suggestion to not have a baby in case you can't have access to a toilet when out and about is bizarre in honesty, and not sure where people are supposed to magic all of these other people out of thin air to join you when popping into town all of the time. Add to that the fact that some women do suffer incontinence etc after birth so can't simply hold on, but are still ashamed to use the disabled loos for fear of being shouted at when seen coming out with a pram; it seems a bit of an odd outlook. I was doubly incontinent after giving birth, yes it was a choice, but it still wasn't overly pleasant and I barely left the house, when I did I wet myself twice not knowing what to do. Even if people did successfully campaign (unlikely to gather any support is it with attitudes like on this thread), no doubt people would be outraged that there isn't enough disabled provision in some places (and rightly outraged at that), but there's a large cubicle just for prams.

Honestly, and at the risk of making myself even more unpopular than I already am...

If you cannot meet the needs of your children and yourself when out alone... don't go out alone.

If you cannot toilet safely and mind three children under three, then don't go out alone.

Harsh? Meh, I have to consider EVERY DAY, whether I can safely do a task alone or do I need someone else with me.

Millions of people with disabilities are the same, some of us will never go out independently.

It is expensive as we sometimes have to pay people to be with us, it is a pain in the arse, it is inconvenient, it requires more forward planning and management and means we often cannot be spontaneous.

It is however, what many of us HAVE to do to go out and do stuff, maybe parents of multiple toddlers and babies who struggle going out alone could consider doing the same?

Howlin, you are being very harsh. Disabled people who need assistance can claim attendance allowance to help cover costs.

A mum of multiples isn't entitled to any help. Is likely to be on a reduced income and completely unable to pay for help.

We are supposed to be a civilised society who support everybody who needs support, unless you happen to be a new mum. No wonder so many mum's end up with PND and other mental health issues.

The only person I've ever heard of with agoraphobia was the mum of triplets. I now wonder if there's a connection?

Op don't let your situation make you a prisoner in your own home because your scared to go out in case you need a wee!

Nobody in their right mind would leave a small child outside the loo, never mind 3 small children.

@HowlinProwlin but why for the sake of having a 1 minute wee? There should be more support available to those who need it, absolutely, no debate. But I don't see why that means that others should never leave the house.

its funny how people say we should support everbody. then they want to use disabled facilities.
the othering on this thread is awful, disabled people (Visible or not) have to live with this for ever. maybe look at what you are saying about the mum who has problems for a short time, then imagine it for life.
parents will never campaign for better facilities, because it only affects them for a short time. by the time they have thought about it, written a letter. they have moved on.

Quite funny reading about the lack of support for new mums.

Having been both a new mum and the mum of a child with multiple disabilities then If you think there is a lacking of support for new mums it’s nothing compared to being a mum of someone who is disabled and I am not naive enough to not know that is going to get even worse when we reach adulthood.

As for someone who is disabled being able to use benefits to pay for a Carer. Do you realise how shit carers allowance is? £66 a week. I am lucky my mum has Ds overnight one night a week but other than that it is 24/7 and if it wasn’t for her it would be.

To get attendance allowance you need to be of pensionable age. And if your lucky you will get a whole £80 a week which will go a long way!

i think people think disabled people are rich. you only have to look at the wheelchair on busses threads. the amount of times you get told the disabled person could get a taxi!!!

I meant support for those who are disabled and need it, rather than new mums by the way in case that wasn't clear!

Howlin, you are being very harsh. Disabled people who need assistance can claim attendance allowance to help cover costs. A mum of multiples isn't entitled to any help. Is likely to be on a reduced income and completely unable to pay for help.

Attendance allowance is for elderly people, it's PIP for working age adults.
And what the fuck does that have to do with anything? It's not like us disabled people can use that money to build our own disabled toilet can we? Oh wait, there already are disabled toilets, they're just being commandeered by self entitled wankers who think having a small child or two is the same as having a disability.
You are taking the piss now, do you think many disabled people are not on a reduced income? Or do you think we're rolling in all that lovely free money the government gives us? 😡😡
And fyi, not all disabled people get PIP. Though I'm unsure how you think getting PIP helps with the issue of being unable to use the disabled toilet because there's a non-disabled person in there?

Mums of multiples aren't entitled to any help, what you mean like child benefit or tax credits? Are lots mothers of multiples living on a reduced income to the point of poverty? Oh, no, wait that's disabled people.
Disabled people get PIP because they are DISABLED. Disabled people need access to the disabled toilet because they are DISABLED. Parents of small children are.......? Yeah, you can finish that sentence yourself.
You chose to have kids. People don't choose to be disabled.

@HowlinProwlin is right, we have to deal with this shit all the time. Your kids will grow up and this will cease to be an issue for you. No doubt then you'll have stopped bitching about disabled toilets because then you don't need them anymore. Would be nice if us disabled people had the same option of growing out of our disabilities, wouldn't it?

its funny how people say we should support everbody. then they want to use disabled facilities.

Supporting everybody always seems to end up meaning "disabled people, share your stuff with the non-disabled people who don't need it but want to use it anyway."

We are supposed to be a civilised society who support everybody who needs support, unless you happen to be a new mum. No wonder so many mum's end up with PND and other mental health issues. The only person I've ever heard of with agoraphobia was the mum of triplets. I now wonder if there's a connection?

Oh cry me a fucking river, yeah its the poor mums who don't get any support, whereas us disabled people get everything handed to us on a plate don't we? All the people I know who have mental health problems are autistic, gee, I wonder if there's a connection there?
Funny how when people say everyone should be supported disabled people are always at the back of the queue. You take a look at how autistic and learning disabled people are treated by society, and then get back to me on how civilized our society is.

I would OP. I totally understand having had a twin pregnancy, traumatic birth and bladder damage. When I need to go it needs to happen quickly and I can’t wait and I’m not prepared to compromise on child safety by leaving the buggy outside a cubicle.

I haven’t rtft but I don’t see why it’s ok for you to be uncomfortable and at risk of wetting yourself or risking the safety of your kids because a disabled person might come along. You are equally entitled to be able to relieve yourself. And whoever recommended tena lady can fuck off, would you say that to a disabled person?

*its funny how people say we should support everbody. then they want to use disabled facilities.

Supporting everybody always seems to end up meaning "disabled people, share your stuff with the non-disabled people who don't need it but want to use it anyw*

don't know why you repeated that/ we were saying the same thing

DoloresDingo the OP can relieve herself. just needs to use a normal toilet. not the one and only (normally) one that is their for disabled people.

Anyone saying don’t leave yore home is a moron. Leaving your house isn’t something you just have to do it’s good for your mental health to get out of the house, it’s a toilet for god sakes, if you do struggle with your bladder since having a baby I don’t see why you can’t use them people with IBS use them too. After having my baby if I wait to long for a wee it causes a UTI there no way I’m not leaving my house or getting a UTI

ffs no one has said that. just that if your not disabled leave the disabled toilets for people that are. why is that so hard?

What on earth is the solution here your pushchair doesn’t fit inside the toilets you should use, you can’t leave your young children outside on their own, to suggest you only leave the house with a friend made me LMAO yes we all have friends who are available 24/7. Instead of having a go at the Op give a solution. There isn’t one

Plan your trip. Most town centres have at least one department store which has a family toilet area.

Make sure you know where you can go.

Contact places in advance.

This is like so many things which seem to lead to a small minority of mothers becoming helpless and feeling they need to use the hard fought for facilities of others rather than planning sensibly.

I do wish some people on here could understand just how hard it is for many people with disabilities to even get out the house and how much harder that is made when they can’t access the only toilet available to them which often is barely acceptable anyway

There is a solution use the disabled loo. It's big enough to accommodate her and the children.

Nobody would class being seriously obese to be a disability. But going by the size of some people they must struggle to fit in a tiny cubicle. What's their solution - use the disabled loo.

What's the difference between them and the Op?

Of course there’s a solution. It’s allied planing ahead.

Who needs to go to a shopping centre everyday anyway? Surely there’s much more fun things to do with your kids than drag them shopping. So on that basis op just needs to locate a department store/mothercare/similar baby store for a family changing area and use that.

No one that doesn’t have a disability needs to use a disabled loo, unless they are incredibly thick or selfish.

HTH.

Samcro - do you not understand the issue? Are you seriously saying the OP should leave 3 children under 2.5 unattended while she uses the toilet? In my local shopping centre the toilets are really close to the sinks so you would have to leave a double buggy far out of the way to get into the cubicle and avoid blocking the aisle for others.

Sorry but I’m not going to compromise my children’s safety or piss myself for fear of inconveniencing someone else for literally 1-2 minutes. I will use the disabled loo in the quickest time possible.

Where I live there’s only Asda that has toilets & the only toilets Op could use is the disabled one as her pushchair wouldn’t even fit in the ladies. Before anyone says it Op chose that pushchair for her children that’s her right as a parent, not for you to question I’m sure when she stood in Mothercare she didn’t weigh up whether this particular pushchair would fit in public ladies toilets

I’m sure when she stood in Mothercare she didn’t weigh up whether this particular pushchair would fit in public ladies toilets
Her lack of forethought doesn't entitle her to use the disabled loo.