...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

"I hadn't ever been wrong, maybe it's a sense you pick up in this type of job".

You have absolutely no way of knowing you have never been wrong, unless perhaps you are a mind reader or can see through peoples clothes and see their stoma bag underneath, or can tell if people have incontinence issues just from looking at them. With those skills you should be a top consultant in a hospital as you can instantly tell if people are disabled or not, especially with your experience of being a radar key holder. Goodness me.

I hadn't ever been wrong, maybe it's a sense you pick up in this type of job. However, I'm happy to concede and I won't ever ask again
As a nurse, I can tell you now that no, it isn't a sense you pick up at all.
Nobody at my work, a bunch of nurses and doctors, knows I'm disabled, except for my manager. We do 12.5 hour shifts together and they haven't got a clue, and they're certainly more qualified than you!
My worry is that I know that my autistic son wouldn't really understand what you are asking, and would probably say no, he hasn't got his card and run off and piss himself. Thanks a lot, you secret superhero.

OP you’re talking shite, I went for years without a car heading uptown with two kids(one severe reflux for years) in a side by side double buggy and managed.

Get a grip woman, get a new buggy

"they have been sick of people that don't have a genuine need using these facilities"....they dont know who is genuine or not either. Are you not getting this?

You shouldn't use it, but as PPs have pointed out hidden disabilities are a thing so they couldn't question you if you claimed to have one that meant you needed to use it, because to claim you aren't disabled just because you don't look it is ignorant.

Those saying they wouldn't be happy if they were waiting for the disabled loo just to have a mum and her 3 kids come out are saying they think someone with 3 kids cant have a hidden disability that would require them to use the loo quickly.

"People I have asked laughed with me and said words to the effect of 'ha good one'"....my family member would not say "ha good one" to you....he would be unnecessarily confused and not be able to answer you.

@Getmyfrownupsidedown

But I find it ironic that you are all quick to judge me without discussion...

Our judgement was made in what you said, not what you look like - it's really not the same.

You come across as being ridiculously unaware. That's a judgement based on your posts. In fact the constant attempts to justify asking people to produce a 'disabled card' are just making me judge you even more. I'm surprised someone could actually be that short sighted.

Perhaps maybe just give it up now?

"But I find it ironic that you are all quick to judge me without discussion... yet the one thing you have been educating me with is not to judge. And the delivery of said judgement has not been as non-confrontational as the few times I have 'taken to asking'."

It's just that every time you post, you are clearly showing that you dont get it. The fundamental thing here is that noone can tell who has a need to use disabled toilets.. so you cant go round calling people chancers, or disingenuous because they stand in a queue for the disabled toilet and aren't in a wheelchair....or that they try the door handle, or that you think they are drunk, or that other people are fed up with these chancers...or that you think you have a feeling for who is disabled or not. It's just all really really bad.. can you not see that?

"I am damned if I do, damned if I don't with you."
Because you keep on saying inappropriate things...you said you wouldnt do it again etc but then affirm you know you have never been wrong!$?

I have known I've never been wrong (thus far and by luck it seems) as those few (I've not once said I ask everyone) people I have asked laughed with me and said words to the effect of 'ha good one'. At the same time those with a genuine need for those facilities have thanked me as they have been sick of people that don't have a genuine need using these facilities. You can see how I might have felt I was being helpful.

And why did you ask those people? Because you decided they didn't "look disabled"? So what, do you ask anyone who's not a wheelchair user?

Sorry I meant to sense the chancers, not a disability. But again, I concede there is also no way I can possibly know that for sure.

Interesting, you've gone from "I'm always right" to "there is no way I can possibly know that for sure."
Because you have no idea whether you've spotted a "chancer" or turned away a very confused adult with autism or a learning disability. And please don't yet again say "but I would know/be able to tell."
It's not impossible you turned away an autistic adult who thanks to your little power trip now believes they need a "disabled card" to use the disabled toilet.

So because OP has chosen to have 3 children she must stay in until they are grown, or go shopping and be in agony because she can't wee...hey why doesn't she piss herself and walk around? Who gives a shit about her anyway?

FFS.

Get the key, OP. If just for a year or 2 until you can comfortably navigate the loo with all 3.

"My attempt at preventing this happening was wrong. I was wrong to think that I would always make the right call on who did or didn't have a need. I have not disagreed with you since the earlier discussion."
I'm finally thinking you might be understanding now....you did keep repeating that you could tell who was disabled or not though, so you didn't disagree, but you kept saying the same thing and leading us to believe you weren't getting it.
I dont think anyone has attacked your character. We can only comment on what you have told us.

So because OP has chosen to have 3 children she must stay in until they are grown, or go shopping and be in agony because she can't wee...hey why doesn't she piss herself and walk around? Who gives a shit about her anyway?

Funny how disabled people are expected to plan their trips out around what facilities are available for their needs, but oh no, we can't possibly expect parents to do the same, can we now? 😡
I could ask you the same question, do you not give a shit about the disabled person who could wet themselves because of someone like the OP using the disabled toilet when they don't really need to?

All of you talking about life choices. Yes obviously having children is a choice but I'm pretty sure when talking about having them and trying to plan for them, the question that most would be parents would ask is not ' will I be able to use a public loo when I have a child/children?

@Getmyfrownupsidedown

You ask potentially disabled to prove it in a fun way??
Quite while you're ahead, Jesus Christ.

"I've been called a knob and a liar which I have taken as an attack on my character. The latest post also implies I was on a power trip."..
Not by me you havent. I did understand why they thought you were on a power trip though, by asking people if they had a disability card. By doing that, you presented yourself as the person in authority over who gets to use the loo. I havent misinterpreted any posts...I've gone by what you've said each time. You've gone from saying you've taken to asking people for a disability card...to how you've hardly asked anyone, and from "I've always been right" to now saying they have admitted it. I'm afraid I have started to become a little bit unsure about what you say.

@Getmyfrownupsidedown

A respectful and jovial manner? You do realise asking disabled people if they have a job existent card isn't respectful or fun for the person.

No matter how many time you say you have realised it was wrong you still persist in saying you thought you were doing it correctly.

THE POINT
< your head

There is no way, not at all, not a single way that it is ok to ask people wishing to use a disabled toilet to produce a non existent card to prove their need.

No, it wasn't 'do you look disabled', it was 'are you honest'... if that makes sense? It was nothing about how they looked, rather how they spoke and acted amongst other things I observed (again I am conceding I had no right to make that judgement).

Oh, the irony. You complain about us judging you yet you saw fit to judge disabled people. Not so nice when the shoe is on the other foot is it?

Right, how they spoke and acted. You are aware that there are conditions such as autism which can cause people to behave in ways that can be misinterpreted? Trust me, people with autism get accused of being shifty or of lying all the time because we don't make enough eye contact or our voices don't "sound right."

And seriously, that's your truth test, asking someone if they are honest? To be perfectly blunt about it, you have no idea if any of the people who laughed along with you actually did have a disability, do you?