...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

Telling the OP to just not go to the shopping centre, stay indoors and use online shopping instead, just because she wants to be able to use the toilet when she's out?!

Parents make decisions based on convenience all the time - you go and park somewhere you know has larger spaces; you go to the pool slightly farther away because you know it’s warmer; you go to the shopping centre with a John Lewis because you know they have a ‘family toilet’.

This is what people mean - not ‘don’t ever go out’. There’s no need to be a mummy martyr because you’ve been told it’s out of order to use the disabled facilities when you’re not disabled!

Getmyfrownupsidedown Why do you keep citing a wheelchair user as an example of someone “deserving” of the facilities, when the entire point of a hidden disability is that it’s, y’know, hidden.

As a PP pointed out, a wheelchair user in full control of their bowels could actually be in a better position to wait than my friend who has Chron’s and also, gasp, gets drunk on occasion.

Being disabled is hard. You are being incredibly selfish and unreasonable especially the ordering of a disabled key online

"I work in circumstances where I sometimes have the responsibility of holding a RADAR key and have been instructed to let anyone use it who asks - as part of hidden disability awareness"

You said the above @getmyfrownupsidedown.....you need to listen to your employers. They did not tell you to assess if people need to use it, or to ask them any questions.

"It's a very large venue that holds tens of thousands with limited accessible facilities."
And you are asking people to prove they have a disability. Can you not see how bad that is? You are not the toilet police. You have been told to let anyone use it who asks . You have absolutely no right

@Getmyfrownupsidedown

Apologies, I am genuinely trying to do right by those with a genuine reason for needing to use the facilities.

You are doing it wrong.

HTH

Telling the OP to just not go to the shopping centre, stay indoors and use online shopping instead, just because she wants to be able to use the toilet when she's out?!

But these are EXACTLY the choices disabled people make, every single time they go out, every day, their entire lives.

It's ok for us but it's wholly unreasonable for a parent who is inconvenienced by having a child or three for a short proportion of their lives?

"Apologies, I am genuinely trying to do right by those with a genuine reason for needing to use the facilities."
You dont know who has a genuine reason and who doesnt. That's the point you dont seem to be getting. It's often invisible.
You are just making it worse. I know that toilets often need a radar, but I would always try the handle first to see if its not locked. So because i do that, you think I'm not genuine. Honestly, I think you need some sort of disability awareness training. Firstly. . YOU CANNOT TELL IF SOMEONE IS DISABLED FROM LOOKING AT THEM. SECONDLY...YOU CANNOT ASK IF SOMEONE IS DISABLED ..THIRDLY, YOU CANNOT TELL THEY ARE NOT DISABLED BECAUSE THEY TRY THE HANDLE FIRST .

So I have to let an obvious chancer use the cubicle in front of a wheelchair user? Bearing in mind there has regularly been queues of up to 20 people

People, or women? (and no I am not making this a trans thread, the queue for the ladies is always enormous and the men don't have to wait, so really the issue about using the disabled is usually only an issue for women). Perhaps tell your employer that they need to sort out the loos so there are more for women and fewer for men?

Also....my family member with a brain injury would try the handle first....and...also often looks drunk, when not. You really cannot make silly assumptions.

"Just to be clear, does that also include allowing staff (that have openly said they 'can't be bothered waiting in the regular queue) the RADAR key too?"

That's for your own conscience to decide. What if they have a disability but dont want you to know?

"I'll stop trying to be helpful in future."
You weren't being helpful. You were asking people to prove to you they were deserving of using the toilet, and making wrongful assumptions about people.

Op while I'm generally quite anti using disabled loos, you have my sympathy.
Hand on heart I'd do it. I've been in the situation on a daft boat where the baby change was locked in a disabled loo with a radar key.
None of the boat operators could find a key. I'll assume it had been nicked by somebody. I was left with a baby, nappy that needed changed and the only space I could find was the cafe

@Getmyfrownupsidedown

I'll stop trying to be helpful in future

What part of asking people to show a 'disabled card' was fucking helpful in the first place?

We don't need your crusade. We need to be left alone, you know to use the toilets provided

I hadn't ever been wrong, maybe it's a sense you pick up in this type of job.

How do you know you've never been wrong? One of those people you confronted might have been autistic, and I can tell you, some autistic people would have no clue what to do in that situation. Oh and for what it's worth some autistic people (like myself) do carry an autism card, so you could really confuse someone with your little stunt.
Some autistic people can be extremely anxious about asking for help or interacting with strangers, and the message they get after an encounter like that is "never try and ask for help again."

YABU. My DS is severely disabled. He walks but has a severe learning disability, he's grown up but still in nappies, he's got the mind of an 18 month old, in a rugby players body. Getting him out of the car and to a toilet is an absolute nightmare. If he's waiting, he can become very violent, very fast. Public toilets can ruin our whole day. I nearly had the tip of my nose bit off once. He also needs both me and DH to sort him out, so either the male or female toilet is of no use.

Also, the amount of people who park in disabled spaces, without a badge, is getting worse and worse. It really has an impact on what we can and can't do.

@Seahorseshoe

Ds is also an absolute nightmare getting him into and using a toilet, he physically cannot wait in queues and if he hears a hand dryer that's when the meltdown happens, who knew a toilet trip would have to be planned in such military style!

Again, confronted is a tad harsh

Really? What else would you call demanding to see someone's "disabled card" when a) you had no right to do so and b) you know no such thing exists?

So I have to let an obvious chancer use the cubicle in front of a wheelchair user? Bearing in mind there has regularly been queues of up to 20 people

A 20 people queue for the disabled toilet? Then surely you can be a) pretty sure they need to be using it or wouldn’t queue for it and b) won’t need it unlocking between people anyway?