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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

746 replies

Marigo · 21/10/2019 14:31

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/10/2019 08:28

A " Disabled card" @Getmyfrownupsidedown? And where might I get one of these ? My son is severely autistic,has learning disabilities I have never heard of a disabled card Confused

cactusthief · 22/10/2019 08:29

I've taken to asking to see a 'disabled card' to gain access, that soon filters out the disingenuous.

What the fuck Hmm

A 'disabled card' - I would tell you to fuck right off, what a knob.

C8H10N4O2 · 22/10/2019 08:33

I've taken to asking to see a 'disabled card' to gain access, that soon filters out the disingenuous

Do you get off on humiliating people with disabilities? Or are you nasty to everyone?

AmIChangingagain · 22/10/2019 08:34

Getmyfrown what disability card would that be, then?

TabbyMumz · 22/10/2019 08:35

"Had to show proof that my child is disabled to my local council (DLA Letter) before they would give me a Radar Key."

Thank God attitudes have changed. Lots of people need access to disabled toilets without receiving benefits.

ItWentInMyEye · 22/10/2019 08:36

Yeah, I mean you just can't do that. YABVU.

my2bundles · 22/10/2019 08:38

Toilets that require a radar Keys usually do not double as baby changing, baby changing is separate . The rooms are designed to be specific to need, some contain hoists, lower toilets, higher toilets, full size changing tables and showers and enough space to accommodate multiple carers. In out town there is only one Toilet with the equipment my daugher needs, yes I does anger me when people abuse it's use when they have a multitude of other options available.we are still campaigning for facilities to fit needs and for more to be available space please if you really need these facilities either campaign for your own or campaign alongside us.

returnofthecat · 22/10/2019 08:51

Most of the time, I manage my condition to the point where I don't need the accessible toilet, so I patiently wait in line for the regular toilets. On the rare occasion that my health deteriorates to the point that I need the accessible toilet, out comes the key I bought online. I'd have to be having a really, really bad day before I'd consider myself eligible and I only use the key when I 'feel disabled enough' to justify it.

If there was a scheme where you had to prove you were disabled enough to warrant a key, I guess I might not qualify on the grounds that I often don't need one. However, owning a key does give me added confidence I will be able to access a toilet if needed, and there is a direct link between my state of my mind and my physical health, so in some respects, having the key is what often means I don't need to use the key (and so don't).

It's only once in a blue moon that I actually have to use the key, but it would feel unfair if that was taken away from me. There are levels of disability and as with everything in life, if everyone could just police themselves according to actual need rather than want, we'd all have a jolly time. It's such a shame that there's always at least one who comes along and spoils everything!

The buggy issue is hard. A buggy isn't a health issue, but many toilets aren't designed to bring them inside. It's also not fair to say you must go out in public with another adult at all times - that is particularly harsh on single parents. I wonder if buggy manufacturers could come up with something smart? There is a trend for buggies that could be used as battering rams, but could something be designed safely that could better fit into most toilets? When I think of some supermarket toilets, the entrance to get in can be quite narrow, even though there's plenty of space between the sinks and the cubicles.

In the meantime though, using a disabled toilet because you have a giant buggy is completely different to using a disabled toilet because you have bladder issues caused by pregnancy. I don't think you should have to have permanent health issues to use an accessible toilet - someone with a broken leg for example shouldn't be forced to climb a steep winding set of stairs on crutches because they will be able to walk again at some point. It's all about current medical need and people being decent enough to be honest to themselves about whether they have one.

MitziK · 22/10/2019 09:17

@likeridingabike I am rather assertive every day. As a disabled person keen to keep my fulltime employment, I have to be, in terms of insisting upon wearing suitable footwear that contravenes the 'professional working attire',
refusing point blank to stand for four hours because 'it looks smarter' at work events than sitting down,
on getting time off approved to attend hospital appointments,
on noting that staff's private medical information is on display on the database and given a choice to either have it on display 'because it's too hard to hide it' when it's a couple of clicks from the admin to make it hidden or to have it not recorded at all,
on stating on application that I have a disability, to find that it's been disregarded because I don't use a wheelchair, to point out that disability is far, far more than a happy soul in a wheelchair,
on finding out from the private company hired my the NHS to supply my medication where the everlasting fuck my delivery booked for three weeks ago has got to,
getting to sit in the seats on the bus designated for people with disabilities instead of having to stand because the entire area of disabled seating is taken up by somebody with a fucking Pavement Panzer that doesn't even have a kid in it,
getting to use a toilet that I am entitled to use outside of work without having to wait for people without disabilities or who identify as a gender they were not born with to do whatever it is they are in there doing (including getting changed into new clothes),
being told when I tell off students for using the disabled toilet (at my last job), and they answer 'it's a toilet, I need to go and the boys'/girls' ones are disgusting' (as is the disabled one is when a bunch of teenagers have been pissing over it for the day, getting changed, checking their hair and makeup, having a crafty vape, skivving off, etc) that 'well, it's a toilet after all, it's there to be used, are you perhaps being a little fussy about this?',
not getting stranded on one level of a train station because they've not just closed the lift for maintenance, all the escalators are switched off,

and everything else that's inherent in trying to function as an economically active adult in a society where people still seem to think that not only do they have the Right to use facilities that they find more convenient, they also have the Absolute Right to be a complete prick to people by demanding they show a fucking card to prove their disability where one doesn't fucking exist and hasn't done for at least fifteen years.

There is no Disabled Register anymore (for adults at least in my borough - hasn't been since the 90s). I'm not pissing around - pun intentional - justifying my existence and sharing my personal information any more than I have to, because I'm bored with everybody assuming they have the Right to know everything about me. It's annoying that half my conversations start with 'so what's wrong with you?' - and most people don't seem to like it if I mention that, as part of it, I'm quite likely to be dead within five years if my father's lifespan with the same condition is anything to go by.

But when my job (and that of many people) is so busy that it is difficult to get time to go to the toilet when it suits (and parents don't usually like it when their kids are left unattended for twenty minutes because staff need to pee, poo or sort out sanitary protection, I made a joke about it in a post that will be quite familiar to some who have similar jobs, I get told I should be more assertive.

Gee, thanks for that.

Toastedstrudel · 22/10/2019 09:30

Locked toilet needing radar key- no you cannot use unless you have a disability

Accessible toilet- yes you can use. It is accessible, not reserved for disabled people

Generally just don’t be a dick and think of others who might need the facilities more than you. Be kind. End of.

Samcro · 22/10/2019 09:36

wow the OP did a good job of winding people up and watching them go.
i really wish mn hq would take a harder line on goady bollocks like this.
the op says she has no disability, so why people are saying she has is beyond me.
if you want to use disabled facilities you need to be disabled. its not hard.

TabbyMumz · 22/10/2019 09:40

She said she had no disability, but later in the thread said she often needed the loo quick due to continence issues from having the twins....so that's a disability. I dont think she was being goody...just asking the question. I think when disabled loos are often empty and you have someone with a double buggy and a toddler needing to use them, it's a bit mean spirited to not let her.

Samcro · 22/10/2019 09:48

SHE said she did not have a disability. then after people not agreeing with her. she dropped that.
I doubt sometimes needing the loo quick is a disability. doesn't that happen to everyone.
what is mean spirited is when people use them and someone with a disability ends up soiling themselves .

Migrainefun · 22/10/2019 09:48

I've taken to asking to see a 'disabled card' to gain access, that soon filters out the disingenuous
Confused Excuse me? What a fool.

Roundtoedshoes · 22/10/2019 09:52

@ my2bundles, in our local town the baby changing facility is working is together with the disabled facility and is accessed by a key, so I imagine this happens in other towns as well.

Lots of pub restaurants also have one accessible toilet. These usually require a key (although you usually just ask behind the bar to enter). They make their money from families eating out, so the facilities are for both parents and the disabled. Maybe this is wrong, but it’s the way it
is.

If I’ve ever come out of the accessible toilet (key required), there is sometimes a parent nearby about to negotiate the standard toilets who are grateful to see the open door when I leave so they don’t have to change their child on the floor.

ginghamstarfish · 22/10/2019 10:16

If I was waiting outside, on my crutches, and you came out with your children, I would be somewhat pissed off. These keys should really not be available to all and sundry - of course chancers will buy them.

MintyMabel · 22/10/2019 10:16

The accessible toilet is there for people who, for whatever reason, can’t use the regular toilets

Not quite accurate. The terminology and signage has been modernised to "accessible" rather than "disabled". That doesn't mean any parent with a pram can decide to use it. I don't think you need to have a disability long term to use it, but they are not there for families.

stucknoue · 22/10/2019 10:21

I had a double buggy and a radar key but my dd is autistic so even at 4 had to be securely fastened in. Of course the answer is better parent and child facilities!

MintyMabel · 22/10/2019 10:22

It isn't your fault that the bathroom provision doesn't meet your current accessibility needs, to be completely frank.

It wasn't the fault of disabled people there used to be no provision for them either. They had no choice but to lobby for them to be provided. And now they can't use them because selfish mothers decide their needs are greater.

With the number of parents who are in this situation, it's amazing there isn't more of an effort made to get this provision. Oh, I forgot, entitles mums expect everyone else to do everything for them.

stucknoue · 22/10/2019 10:24

@Getmyfrownupsidedown

There is no disability card in the U.K. my daughter has her pip paperwork that's all. Would be easier but they don't exist!

MintyMabel · 22/10/2019 10:25

Make a complaint/suggestion to the shopping centre. You can’t be the only one inconvenienced by this.

You're the reason they have keys on them. Why don't you make a complaint to your shopping centre.

Oh yeah, you're happy to use the facilities fought for by someone else rather than Male an effort to get your own.

my2bundles · 22/10/2019 10:29

Roundtoedshoes a venue giving out a key is not the same as a radar key. Radar key toilets are specific to people with disabilities. Venues choosing to lock joint changing and disabled toilets to avoid vandalism is completely different.

TabbyMumz · 22/10/2019 10:30

"what is mean spirited is when people use them and someone with a disability ends up soiling themselves ."

They are so under used there is honestly never anyone waiting to use it.

TabbyMumz · 22/10/2019 10:35

I dont get all the comments about people these days lobbying to get disabled toilets....its been a pretty standard regulation that buildings and organisations have to provide disabled facilities for about 30 or 40 years now hasnt it? And for the majority of that time it was pretty standard that baby change facilities are in the same toilets, so it's not a new thing that parents have been using disabled toilets.

my2bundles · 22/10/2019 10:42

Tabby yes campaigning is still going on. Yes disabled toilets have been around that long but usefull disabled toilets have not what many of us need is toilets called changing places which offer adult changing tables, hoists, space for several carers and washing facilities. These are rare and without them many people cannot leave the house or resort to changing adults on dirty Toilet floors. Radar Keys are allocated for toilets like these which is why I get angry when people abuse them. In my town there is only one of these changing places and the one place my dd can use. There is along way to go for the facilities to become anywhere near the norm so please don't delude yourself into thinking campaigning is not needed.

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