...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

I am disabled with rheumatoid arthritis at 29, and I have 3 toddlers under 4, one is autistic. You wouldn't know from looking at us that my hands are a load of useless shit and my son can't handle people who use hand dryers and takes me 15 minutes to change, we all look pretty non-disabled. I wouldn't appreciate a nosy weirdo stating at me coming out trying to work out if I looked guilty or if I was disabled. And if I caught someone staring id make them wish they never did.

Wow. Parent of autistic child calls disabled adults who stare at them 'nosy weirdos' and threatens to 'make them wish they never did'. I hope your child doesn't encounter people with your attitude when he's an adult.

It is a good point about Radar keys being freely available to purchase. I was surprised when I could just buy one for my mum (who is disabled and does need to use an accessible toilet for mobility reasons) from the Age UK website.

They don't require people to go through degrading personal assessments as Blue Badges do, you can just buy them.

So for OP, who has post natal incontinence issues, three very young children and no access to suitable toilets in her local shopping centre it would seem a better alternative than not going out.

And NOT all disabilities are permanent. A broken leg for example. the fact that it isn't being permanent doesn't mean that the person can just carry on as if their leg isn't broken does it?

Gosh @Instatwat and others I cannot believe how rude some people are. Acting like I’m roaming through the aisles mowing down disabled people with my enormous buggy. (As an aside - pretty much all prams for 2 babies and a buggy board are enormous so that’s not really a ‘lifestyle choice’ either!)

I posted that I’m struggling with something and floated one possible solution. Besides lobbying the owner/operators of the shopping centre in question I’m still not sure I have a solution for the interim. Baby twins and a bolting toddler just aren’t going to fit inside a normal cubicle or wait nicely anywhere. The layout of the ladies isn’t really conducive to propping a door open and then there’s no way to pen toddler in.

Guess I’ll just piss myself until my children can be trusted!

I bought (but later lost) a radar key off of Ebay.

I never see anyone using the disabled loos who I do not KNOW to be fully able-bodied. I do know & see disabled folk everywhere, but not around the loos. I'd feel differently if it felt like the disabled access loos were actually in high demand. Yanbu to the OP.

Or you could put your energies into organising some sort of campaign to provide more facilities for parents, that are NOT jammed in with the accessible facilities for the disabled.

It might take a lot of parents and some sort of organised meeting and discussion forum... somewhere they could all talk about it, somewhere with a name that has some weight... I dunno.. I wonder... hmm.. no, it's gone I can't think of an organisation and resource like that...

What a horrible bunch of miserable people on here today. YANBU to not want to piss yourself or be housebound because you can’t access the public toilets.
I have a radar key, purchased from amazon. No I’m not registered disabled, but I’m fucked if I’ll stay at home... near the toilet to avoid pissing myself, or wear tena lady, how utter rude and ridiculous.

Great idea. All these great perks of bring disabled, I wonder why more people haven't thought about doing this. Makes you wonder why radar keys are not more accessible to everyone.

Maybe you can also buy a disabled badge for your car online as well do you're not inconvenienced by having to walk too far to the shops.

Maybe shop mobility will lend you a scooter as well so you don't need to walk at all.

Oh and don't forget, you know you can get a 'baby on board' badge for the tube without having to prove you're pregnant? Will save you having the inconvenience of standing when someone coukd offer you their seat.

Don't forget the idea of claiming PIP, babynamechanger!!

Wow. Parent of autistic child calls disabled adults who stare at them 'nosy weirdos' and threatens to 'make them wish they never did'. I hope your child doesn't encounter people with your attitude when he's an adult

Yeah I think the poster who says she can work out who is genuine by LOOKING AT THEM based on their behaviour and appearance is a fucking weirdo. And I won't tolerate people staring at my child trying to figure out whether he qualifies as disabled.

And yes, they'd wish they never did. If they're going to make my child feel uncomfortable i look forward to humiliating them with giving them a good lesson in invisible disabilities.

Wow. Parent of autistic child calls disabled adults who stare at them 'nosy weirdos' and threatens to 'make them wish they never did'. I hope your child doesn't encounter people with your attitude when he's an adult.

You mean disabled woman with disabled child doesn’t take kindly to being told she’ll be torn a new arsehole for using a disabled loo?

Shocking.

"Great idea. All these great perks of bring disabled, I wonder why more people haven't thought about doing this. Makes you wonder why radar keys are not more accessible to everyone."

Radar keys are accessible to everyone..you just order one online. Especially to people who have incontinence..which is actually a disability deserving of using the disability loo, which is what the op has.

Well at least this thread has reminded me to order radar keys. I’ll be sure to tattoo mine and the DT’s diagnoses on our our foreheads (you might need a magnifying glass to read all of DT2’s, but apparently it’s very important that random strangers know we are legitimate).

@SinkGirl but if your children are disabled your point is irrelevant, stroller size or not? You are using a loo with disabled individuals.

It really shows the level of discussion on here these days that people are actually arguing on this thread about wether having cancer means you're disabled enough to use the accessible loos, women being called bitches who breed and being threatened for using the accessible toilet and once again women being told they should just stay at home or if they must go out then piss in a potty!

Incredibly sad that it's descended into ranking disabilities, who's got the hardest life etc

Surely people realise that most people aren't wanting to use these toilets just for the fun of it? That actually they may be able to appropriately judge their need to use an ACCESSIBLE toilet!?

What gives anyone the right to judge somebody else's need?

"Having cancer does not necessarily meet the equality acts definition of a disability, no."
It absolutely is a disability. Noone here is talking about it meeting the equality acts definition...you dont need to meet that to use a disabled loo. How ridiculous.

Guess I’ll just piss myself until my children can be trusted!

Oh don't be so dramatic. Unless you've got severe bladder medical problems, piss at home before going shopping.

Thanks @sinkgirl
I have a bee in my bonnet at the moment as recently I was shouted at in front of my children for parking in a disabled bay, despite having a blue badge, and was told "just because you've opened your legs doesn't mean you get priority and to park in disabled bays, I'm 83 you know!"

@Marigo you say you’re just “floating an idea” but despite 10 pages of nearly everyone saying you‘d be massively unreasonable to get a radar key online, you’re still on the defence and acting like everyone else is being unreasonable for not coming up with a solution to your problem. I don’t think you were really prepared for people saying YABU.
No one’s acting like you’re mowing down disabled people with your buggy, they are reacting to you honestly suggesting that using a disabled toilet despite not being disabled is a possibility; don’t start getting dramatic.
You then drip-feed that you are incontinent and will wet yourself if you can’t get to a toilet promptly; obviously if that’s the case then you ARE disabled and your question is moot anyway... a cynic would say that you might be exaggerating following the way this post has gone, but I don’t know you so I can’t say that.

Radar keys are accessible to everyone..you just order one online. Especially to people who have incontinence..which is actually a disability deserving of using the disability loo, which is what the op has

Why has the shopping centre decided to have a radar key locked disabled loo? It's presumably because it was being exploited by non disabled people leaving disabled people without adequate facilities.

The OP didn't mention incontinence in her original post, so I don't think this is the primary reason for believing she is justified in using a radar key. She has said she's got continence issues that relate to how urgently she needs the loo, not that she is actually incontinent, and only added this detail when she started to get a hard time.

Her primary reason was that she's got a double buggy that doesn't fit in the cubicle, as if she's the only woman to have ever had this problem.

I've got a wide double buggy and as pp have said I go to the end cubicle, leave the door ajar so I can see the buggy when I need to go. When someone offers to watch my dc whilst I go, I accept (reasonably common even in the unfriendly, south east area that I live in). It's really not an insurmountable problem that prevents the OP from leaving her house.

“Having cancer does not necessarily meet the equality acts definition of a disability, no."
It absolutely is a disability. Noone here is talking about it meeting the equality acts definition...you dont need to meet that to use a disabled loo. How ridiculous.

Then that simply means people decide for themselves whether they are in need of a disabled loo

Which is exactly the problem here isn’t it?

I've got a wide double buggy and as pp have said I go to the end cubicle, leave the door ajar so I can see the buggy when I need to go. When someone offers to watch my dc whilst I go, I accept (reasonably common even in the unfriendly, south east area that I live in). It's really not an insurmountable problem that prevents the OP from leaving her house.

So many people have suggested this now and OP just appears to be ignoring it. That’s what I do with my buggy too.

Online shopping is your friend!!!

"Why has the shopping centre decided to have a radar key locked disabled loo? It's presumably because it was being exploited by non disabled people leaving disabled people without adequate facilities."

As the shopping centre cant tell who is disabled just from looking at them, I think not! More likely because drug users go in there.

"She has said she's got continence issues that relate to how urgently she needs the loo",
So disabled, yes?