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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

360 replies

FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 08:53

I've been away and this evening I arrive back. I need to get to my village which is just outside the city. My train arrives to the city at 8.30pm. I didnt realise they have cut the 9.30pm service so now my only option is to wait for the 10 30pm train to the village.

I'm really not a princess type but I'm kind of hurt that DP didbt suggest picking me up (it's a 30 min drive). He gets off work at 4pm. I feel like sometimes not being the princess type works to your disadvantage because like my DP just expects me to get on with things which I do, but I'll have been travelling all day and now I'll have to kill 2 hours in a pub near the station and I dunno. If it was reversed I think I would have just offered to pick him up?

Before anyone asks, no, I never ask him for lifts.

Would you be a bit hurt/annoyed by this or no?

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 21/10/2019 22:55

Shit - sorry, I've just realised I've missed eight pages Confused and things appear to have moved on. Will catch up now...

Fruitbatdancer · 21/10/2019 23:04

Christ what an arse, never mind a hotel OP get a new partner. My DH would have already driven 3+ to me as soon as he knew trains were screwed. Not because I’m a princess but because we both care for each other deeply and aren’t selfish twats. Sending big hugs. Can you get a cab?

Beveren · 21/10/2019 23:14

Can you get a taxi from where you are? Have you asked your partner to pick you up?

KatyCarrCan · 21/10/2019 23:23

I'm really not understanding the timeline with this thread. It started at 8.53am with a post about a train getting in at 8.30pm (which OP said she eventually called her partner about and he said he'd collect her). Then at 10.20pm, the train is 3 hours late, the arrangement with the DP seems to have changed, the DP hasn't collected her and the OP is crying in a train station.
I understand OP is in a different time zone but, regardless, whether or not you're going to get a lift from your DP, really shouldn't cause over 12 hours of angst.

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 23:23

New update: So I texted him at ten past 11 (I'm an hour ahead of most of you) telling him nobody was at the station and I wasnt sure what to do and he said "well that's great of them isnt it!" and then "what dicks".
Then I walked around the station some more and finally I found a station person, they told me to wait and disappeared then came back and said i needed to sort myself out with a taxi or hotel and apply for compensation later.
So i left the station (which is dodgy as fuck by the way) sobbing like a moron. I asked a few taxis to take me home but they said the village was too far to be worth it for them. I went to two hotels around the station but they were full. Finally i found this hotel outside the station which is a total dump and right outside the window are a bunch of guys completely off their faces - still though, at least it's a bed. I considered trying to organise an uber but i think I'm too angry and tired, plus some ubers like the taxis cant be bothered to go that far out.

I got the room at this hotel at like 11.40 and once I had paid and got up to my room I realised that he had texted me (just 5 min before) saying "or else I come pick you up".

I didnt reply to that (since I didnt see it before checking in anyway) but I'm just so hurt anyway. Plus that was like nearly an hour ago and haven't had a call or text or anything since.

I dunno, I dont know what's normal

OP posts:
Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 23:25

@KatyCarrCan 2.5 hours late actually - meant to get in at 8.30 got in at 11.

OP posts:
KatyCarrCan · 21/10/2019 23:27

Get him to pick you up. You're much better being at home than in a dump of a hotel and you can still claim the hotel rate back from the train company.
OP you sound very anxious. I think you need to speak to someone about your anxiety and assess whether your job or DP is contributing to it the most.

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 23:29

@KatyCarrCan
To be fair I think you're confusing me with another posters as you mention my commute earlier and "getting home every night". This isnt about a job, or a commute, or getting home every night 😊

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 21/10/2019 23:31

Why aren't you communicating?
Why didnt you just say "i'm hurt that you didn't offer"'
It sounds as if he's waiting for you to ask as that was the result of the last time.
Just talk about it and plan a way forward next time.

It's all very complicated and it shouldn't be. Or he's a dick who doesn't care about you and your safety.

DawnAnn · 21/10/2019 23:37

I dunno, I dont know what's normal

His lack of care for your safety is not normal at all... I certainly wouldn't bother contacting him. It will be interesting to see at what point he finally becomes concerned enough to try and ring you!

Glad to hear you at least have a room for the night. Try and get some sleep x

KatyCarrCan · 21/10/2019 23:38

Floating I'm not confusing you with another poster. I just got confused with your timeline. I thought your first post was about a Sunday night commute (which we were seeing on Mon because of the time difference) and that your most recent posts were about a Mon commute. I didn't initially realise you'd started stressing about tonight's trip 12 hours in advance.

Hopingtobeamum · 21/10/2019 23:45

Yes but ask him. If he says no, get yourself in the pub, treat yourself to a nice dinner (assuming it's that sort of pub), have a few glasses of wine and get a taxi back. See what he says when you roll through the door after that!

BlockedandDeleted · 21/10/2019 23:47

Why didn't you just ask him to pick you up?
It's like a self fulfilling prophesy/self sabotage!

He did offer this time, you didn't see it in time but even if it's not the right relationship for you, you need to do a lot of work on your self esteem.

Original poster
FloatingObject · 22/10/2019 06:09

@BlockedandDeleted thanks, I've woken up now and will be heading for the station soon, feeling a bit more rational than yesterday!

OP posts:
Cambionome · 22/10/2019 06:29

You aren't being princessy here, don't blame yourself. You do, however, need to sit down and have a chat with him about what you both expect and want from a relationship.
You should have asked him right from the start to pick you up - your feelings matter too you know! All this "if he didn't mind he would have offered and I shouldn't have to ask him to do things he doesn't want to do" is nonsense. You matter. You are important. ASK next time!!

He hasn't covered himself in glory though, and I think you should have a long hard look at the"balance" in your relationship because it seems to be rather heavily weighted his way.

I hope you have a better day today! Flowers

SerenDippitty · 22/10/2019 06:48

Can see where you’re coming from. My DH would have offered to come and meet me off the 8.30 train as I would him.

Witchinaditch · 22/10/2019 06:50

I think it’s crap of him not to offer but why did you not just get him to meet you when you. Found out about the delays? No way would my DP have me staying in a hotel when he could come and get me even if it was a long drive, yes he should have offered I do agree with you there but also I think you need to be more assertive in your relationship and stop accepting sub standard behaviour from him.

Original poster
FloatingObject · 22/10/2019 06:51

I guess I just would have felt a bit guilty and like a hassle

OP posts:
DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRomain · 22/10/2019 07:07

Has he asked you where you since 23:30?!

Original poster
FloatingObject · 22/10/2019 07:09

@DontLettuceBrexitLettuceRomain
At ten to one he said "so hows it looking?" and I explained I was in a hotel etc and he said "stressful journey back!"

OP posts:
Original poster
FloatingObject · 22/10/2019 07:13

I'm on the train home now I'll be back in 20 minutes and he'll probably be there having coffee about to leave and I'm just feeling so angry like I want to lash out. That would set him off on a really shit day though and for me too, when actually I need to be quite calm and focused because there's stuff I need to be cracking on with and get done today

OP posts:
Witchend · 22/10/2019 07:20

If I got a message from dh saying that he had a 2 hr wait for a train and was going to the pub, then I'd assume he wanted to go to the pub not was angling for a lift.
Although he would ask if he wanted one, and isn't particularly one for going to the pub either.

WMPAGL · 22/10/2019 07:28

Yep, I'd be pissed off too. The idea that he didn't think to offer to pick you up even when taxis and hotels entered the equation is shit.

I expect he's just generally thoughtless but that doesn't make it OK. You are not being a princess to expect this level of consideration from your partner. It's a pretty low bar we're setting here and he is completely failing to clear it.

Charley50 · 22/10/2019 07:30

It's awful that he didn't immediately offer (and that you didn't ask) to pick you up after hearing about delays.
I also understand your reasons for not feeling able to ask for basically small kindnesses.
You need to tell him how hurt you were and take it from there. Maybe later though after work.

ny20005 · 22/10/2019 07:30

Wow !! Did he phone you & check you were ok ??

Over all this needing to be asked stuff smacks of control. My dad does it to mum - knows fine well she'll want him to do something but he'll pretend he doesn't know & that he's not a mind reader (they've been married over 50 years). He then smirks if she asks him & belittles her saying she only had to ask

They don't have a healthy relationship....

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