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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being precious?

360 replies

FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 08:53

I've been away and this evening I arrive back. I need to get to my village which is just outside the city. My train arrives to the city at 8.30pm. I didnt realise they have cut the 9.30pm service so now my only option is to wait for the 10 30pm train to the village.

I'm really not a princess type but I'm kind of hurt that DP didbt suggest picking me up (it's a 30 min drive). He gets off work at 4pm. I feel like sometimes not being the princess type works to your disadvantage because like my DP just expects me to get on with things which I do, but I'll have been travelling all day and now I'll have to kill 2 hours in a pub near the station and I dunno. If it was reversed I think I would have just offered to pick him up?

Before anyone asks, no, I never ask him for lifts.

Would you be a bit hurt/annoyed by this or no?

OP posts:
FrenchJunebug · 21/10/2019 15:25

read the update. You need to get out of the mindset of being a 'strong' person. And also not assume so much. I used to be the same and then I had a child on my own and I learnt to ask for help or for something. I doesn't make you a princess it makes you a human being.

Lhastingsmua · 21/10/2019 15:25

Yay, glad it worked out!

Samsamsuperman · 21/10/2019 15:33

All you're doing when you use phrases like "the princess type" is criticising other women.

Criticise your DP if he has hurt your feelings by all means.

Honestly though, just ask. Life's too short.

Tableclothing · 21/10/2019 15:33

"The greatest gift you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

Sounds like you might need a bit of help with the "learning how to be loved" side, OP. It's OK to ask for things sometimes. People quite often like to be asked, it makes them feel wanted/needed.

Your update really explains your reluctance to ask, though. It sounds like asking for even pretty basic things didn't get you very far with your parents Flowers It might be something you can work through on your own/with your DP, it might be that talking with a counsellor would get you to the same place more quickly.

AliceLittle · 21/10/2019 16:01

In the same way, as you are expecting him to be chivalrous and offer a lift because it's nice to know that he cares for you, maybe he is waiting for you to ask because its nice to be needed?

Queenoftheashes · 21/10/2019 16:02

Sorry your dad is useless OP. glad you’re getting a lift though.

Lizzie0869 · 21/10/2019 16:20

Tbh, I don't actually mind waiting at a station; I always take a book with me when I travel by train and 2 extra hours to sit at the station reading, maybe with a glass of Pinot, would be absolutely fine. And these days I can download books onto my kindle, which is great. (But then, for me, that means 2 more hours of child free time).

I also know that my DH has a lot on, so I wouldn't want to put him out.

So yes, you're expecting your DP to be a mind reader. If you want him to pick you up, you should ask him. (Although he should offer in view of the conservation you had with him about this before.)

Another possibility that occurred to me is that maybe your DP had already had a couple of cans of lager?

Lizzie0869 · 21/10/2019 16:23

Sorry, I've read your update, that last thing I said clearly wasn't the case. I'm glad it worked out.

I'm really sorry to hear about the way your dad has treated you, that's awful. It doesn't matter that you're 32, it will still hurt. Thanks

Wheat2Harvest · 21/10/2019 16:36

My ex-DP wouldn't have offered - not because he wouldn't have wanted to pick me up but it simply wouldn't have occurred to him!

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 22:22

Update: my train was massively delayed (by three hours) so I missed all connections. The train controller was sorting everyone out with taxis and hotels and stuff and told me there would be someone when I got off in the city to help me get a taxi home which the train company would pay for (I'm not in the UK btw).

But now I got off the train and theres nobody here it's just an abandoned station.

I've been keeping DP updated and hes just been like "that's so shit!" but he still hadn't offered to pick me up or anything. I think I'm having a little bit of a mini breakdown I'm just stood here in this station crying. I know I need to get my shit together and go and try and find a hotel or something but I'm just so upset

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 21/10/2019 22:26

Fecking ask him to pick you up for christssake!!

Original poster
FloatingObject · 21/10/2019 22:27

I just feel so bad. I sent him a message just now explaining there was nobody here or anything and he said "well that's great of them isnt it". And I'm just sobbing and walking around this station. I feel like I'm overreacting and just need to stop and get my shit together so I'm having a cigarette to calm down

OP posts:
Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 21/10/2019 22:29

OP I would just send him a message or ring him and ask can he come pick you up.
You have been together 3 years so surely u can ask him to come and get you

Grandadwasthatyou · 21/10/2019 22:35

@FloatingObject ..
I am completely on your side. The whole point of loving each other and being in a partnership is that you should offer to do these sort of things out of kindness without you having to ask each other. You should both do things for each other even if it puts you out. And I would be really hurt if he did it for his sister and didn't even offer for me especially knowing that I was having to hang around and kill time for a couple of hours when it would just take him 30 minutes.
Numerous times I've taken my dh to the airport for example and vice versa even though we could get a taxi. It's just a nice, kind thing to do.

KatyCarrCan · 21/10/2019 22:35

You are overreacting. Having this much upset about getting home each night isn't healthy. If this is all about communication in your relationship, you need to learnt communicate better. If there are underlying issues with work, life, your DP, then you need to deal with them. Crying and getting angry every single day about your commute, is not usual.
Phone your DP, get him to collect you and have a long hard think about why travelling home is becoming such a trigger for you.

yearinyearout · 21/10/2019 22:36

If he's really going to leave you wandering round an unstaffed station at this time of night without offering to help, you should be planning to pack your bags (or his) when you eventually get home. He sounds a selfish twat.

Grandadwasthatyou · 21/10/2019 22:38

And I've just read your latest post. Is he seriously going to let you stay the night in a hotel rather than come to pick you up? Unbelievable. I would be really upset too.

timeisnotaline · 21/10/2019 22:42

I was on the fence earlier but now I agree it’s pretty shit of the dp. Op, please just outright message him ‘sorry it’s late and a fair drive but I’m stuck, would you be able to come pick me up?’
Personally if he says no I’d question the relationship. You’re stuck and he can’t be arsed. What are partners if not there for you when you’re stuck? And if he says yes you can at least be comforted by he’s thoughtless not nasty and think about whether you can live with thoughtless.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 21/10/2019 22:43

Is he still only 30 mins away ?

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 21/10/2019 22:44

He's a shit boyfriend. This is the rest of your life.

Princessy, requesting lifts, mindreading etc etc are nothing to do with it. I think the only important thing is he makes you unhappy.

Suzanne12 · 21/10/2019 22:47

I was going to say YABU but having seen that you're stuck, he should actually be insisting that he collect you. I see why you haven't asked based on your childhood but in this situation you really need to just ask him outright and get yourself home. If he says no when you're in need then you need to reconsider the relationship. Can you not get a taxi the rest of the way for less than a hotel room would cost?

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 21/10/2019 22:47

Are you safe?

Aprillygirl · 21/10/2019 22:50

Fucking hell OP I'm shocked at your update. It doesn't sound like your partner cares about you at all! With me anger and pride would take over now and I would not ask him to pick me up, but when I got home I would pack his fucking cases for him. You deserve more than this OP Flowers

StCharlotte · 21/10/2019 22:52

Meanwhile when his sister comes to visit he picks her up straight from the city, even when trains are running with no problem.

I'm guessing she asked?

You're cutting off your nose to spite your face you daft mare!

Ginger1982 · 21/10/2019 22:54

You're being ridiculous. Just tell him to come and pick you up!

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