Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

@TheMustressMhor OP has posted this evening, a few posts before yours.

@Motoko

I can't see a post after mid-afternoon.

Hi all, thank you for the kind messages I really do appreciate them.

I'm on my own tonight as DM had to go home, but I'm meeting her for a cafe lunch tomorrow with the DC which will get me out for a few hours and take my mind off things. I hope.

It's been a shitty old day to be honest, still feel like I'm running on auto pilot but I have managed to have a little to eat today so I'm not running on empty. I feel a bit better for that.

I haven't heard anything from ExP today, not sure how I feel about it. I've been wondering if he's with her, but hoping hes not. I thought he would be banging the door down to come home by now (not literally) but nope, nada. I've managed to refrain from calling him until now, I just need to stick to that.

It feels almost like I've given him what he wanted if that makes sense, able to do what he likes and not have me on the phone panicking about it. No idea if/when he's going to turn up or ask about the kids.

Also haven't heard back from landlord but he is still away and I can see he hasn't read my WhatsApp message yet.

I've registered on something called homehunt where you can bid for properties you're eligible for if you meet the criteria. I'm trying to be proactive on the off chance that the landlord doesn't play ball, but I'm hopeful he'll be ok.

Thinking of moving some furniture around tomorrow evening. The belongings I've bagged up of his are in the cupboard so out of sight out of mind for now.

Trying to think positively, at least I've been able to watch the soaps in peace without him taking over the TV with his stupid game.

One day at a time and all that

It may be what he wants now, but he'll soon realise what he's lost and how much he's fucked up.

You are incredibly brave and strong OP, keep doing what's best for you and your DC

Thank you so much

Its given me a little boost coming back and reading the comments. You lot are very kind.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling massively, but I keep telling myself "this too shall pass"

This is the hardest part! It will get easy and in a years time you will be able to look back to now and be very proud of yourself for what you've done and how far you've got

He will realise how wrong he's treated you one day and it will be to late! Stay strong❤️ I can't stand men/women like this have a beautiful family some people crave for in life and bloody ruin it ! The grass isn't always greener and he will see that sooner rather then later x

I doubt he’ll realize. These arseholes have a way of playing the victim to justify their own behavior and avoid any actual guilt. Knob. You will be so much happier without that man hold and his moods in your personal space.

You have to do what you think is best. Your question is is this normal - I would think it strange. But - the most important thing is you concentrate on healing yourself for yourself - get better, get stronger, look for work or a career - get yourself to a point where you are feeling confident and able to support your kids and so you reach a point where you can give yourself a choice whether you want to leave him or not. My friend did this and it took her a couple of years but she got there and after counselling they did decide to split but she was ready for it.

I actually think that he will be well pissed off that you haven't contacted him. He probably thinks you'll be so devastated by his going that you'll beg him to come back.

Although you're feeling dreadful at the moment things wil gradually get better. I bet you get yourself into a routine which doesn't include his interruptions and feel better for it.

You may think you're not coping at times but little by little you'll realise that your life is better and easier without a scumbag like him in it.

Well done💐

he doesn't need painting he is the bad one

I've just heard from him, he confirmed he didn't want to be with me anymore. Thinks it's for the best.

Shit this really is real now, im on my own with two under 2. shaking

I know I said not to come back but to hear him actually say that has knocked me for six.

I feel so out of my depth right now

You're going to be just fine. The same happened to me...i had a 2 year old and was pregnant.
They are now 22 and 19 and are wonderful if i do say so myself.
I'm doing great, one of the best decisions i made was to leave. Even though at the time i had no idea what i was going to or how i was going to do it on my own...(he wasn't interested at all). He regrets this all now of course, far to late.

It will get better

Hi @3ll3nor I have read the full thread. You are a star and I am in awe of you! For different reason (professional rather than personal) I am also in a changing situation and feel completely out of my depth. We can do this 3ll3nor!! I am with you!!

Thank you, my head is spinning :'(

I've got this awful thought that I'm going to crumble, have a full on breakdown and lose the children. My physical and mental health are at rock bottom right now.

I'm giving them my all, their needs are being met, but the future is terrifying me. I don't feel strong at all

God, what a fucking piece of shit he his. Can;t be an adult and talk to you about it, instead sneaks around like a coward behind your back.

OP, somehow,someway, you absolutely will be ok.

What’s the betting that he wasn’t thinking that at all... he wanted to still have his cake and eat it and he’s trying to make out like this was totally his idea now you’ve shat all over that for him.
You’ve got this 3ll3nor. He’s a tosspot and not worth the shit on your shoe. He couldn’t come back from this sort of crap. You’ve survived worse than him. You will do better than survive this. You have your lovely kids and you’re already being so strong. I know it doesn’t feel it now but you will feel better off without him eventually. You really will. See how many people are posting here, including myself who have lived through this already and are coming up all the better for ditching these dreadful arsewipes.
You will find someone who is worthy of you and your kids time and love.

You aren't going to breakdown, OP. You're going to get through this. All of your posts show clearly how strong you are.
I know it seems real now and that's scary. But this is your chance to make a better life for you and your kids. You can totally do this.
You'll be surprised how much easier things are without that scumbag dragging you down.
Take each hour as it comes to start with. This is the hardest bit. You'll be so proud of yourself when you're out of the other side.
You're a wonderful mother and an awesome person. Hold it together when you need to and fall apart when you have a shoulder to cry on (your mum for example).
This is your biggest test and will therefore be your biggest triumph.
You. Are. Superwoman.

He's only saying that it's over before you do to try and get one up. Give it a couple of weeks and he will try and come crawling back.

Rise above it OP.

He knows he's been dumped so it's his pathetic little way of trying to convince himself he's got the upper hand.

I wouldn't reply.

You are doing great.

i've only read first page so far but I do think his suggesting of returning the old uniform is odd and the way he has carried on since you challenged him about it is quite suspicious. Don't text any more, 3113nor, be cool.

However, the fact that you've resolved to end the relationship, taking your time about it, is very positive. Well done.

In your first post you said he was going to the shops for baby milk. You have a baby? That makes his behaviour even worse in my view,
you would have been particularly vulnerable whilst pregnant and post natally.

Wishing you all the best.

3ll3nor Tue 22-Oct-19 16:34:06
I've just heard from him, he confirmed he didn't want to be with me anymore. Thinks it's for the best.

Shit this really is real now, im on my own with two under 2. shaking sad

I know I said not to come back but to hear him actually say that has knocked me for six.

I feel so out of my depth right now.
........
Of course you do, it's a really big thing and you have two tiny children! You will manage, 3113nor, you really will. Do take some advice and find out your entitlements, that will be a start to making you feel better.