Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

You can do this @3ll3nor, you really can.

Look at what you've achieved since Sunday - you've bagged up his stuff, taken control, told him not to come back, been in touch with your landlord, gone to your counselling, proactively started looking for other places... and all while looking after two babies!

You are flipping awesome and you deserve so much better than this cheating weasel bollox-face

We are all behind you.

I've just read the whole thread and think you are bloody incredible OP. Keep going

You WILL get thru this. It's scary I know. I kicked my ExP out when I had 4 kids. I was terrified and didn't eat for over a week. Eventually pulled my socks up, went back to work (took a week off sick) and knuckled down..... then I had a moment.... without sounding too dramatic, it was like a Phoenix rising from the flames. I felt a freedom I never had before, I was a boss ass bitch, handling the house, the kids, my life and work all on my own.....
Men who wear you down are pussies! They can't handle us when we are full of life and thriving..... so they squash us down to fit in their pathetic, crumbling, ragged boxes..... but we all break free. Eventually.
You'll break free one day..... might take weeks, might take months.... but trust me when I say it's the best feeling!
If I can cope with 4 kids on my own (they were little shits at the best of times) then you'll cope with 2.......
Take care of yourself and stand tall ❤️

Can your mum come back and stay for a few days? Give you chance to get your head right and go see benefit people etc?

Just spoke to my landlord, he's happy to write up a new tenancy for just me, except the bastard has left me in almost 3k worth of debt. He hasn't been paying the rent. This is the first I've heard of it because he's the one who deals with the rent. Always told me to leave it to him. Always dealt with correspondence with the landlord.

He must have been squirrelling money away to save to get a place of his own. That's probably why he was sneaking off with bags of clothes hidden under work uniform.

Landlord said he told him he had leant his dad 1000 one month and then gave no explanation as to why he hadn't paid the other months.

He has ruined my life

Fuck him op! - thinks it's for the best my arse - what a shoddy way to treat you. You are worth 10 of him!

Oh that's awful ... jeopardising your home while he essentially stole the rent money from you and your children! What a terrible human being.

I'm so sorry, OP. Anything of his you can sell?

My panic has been replaced by utter rage. What the fuck has he been playing at, getting me into debt and then running away to leave me to pick up the pieces.

Landlord said he's going to contact him now regarding the outstanding debt.

I've text ExP demanding to know wtf he has been playing at. No response.

I bet he hasn't even been going to do this cash in hand removals work.

He's holed up somewhere paid for with our fucking rent

I can sell his xbox but I wouldn't get more than £50 For that.

Going to make a claim for UC. The HB element will cover the rent from as soon as the claim is sorted so long term I'll be ok in the flat, landlord had said he's not going to make me homeless, but no idea how I'll pay the arrears.

I want to kill him

Our toddler is disabled aswell. How could he do this, not to me but to his own children

You aren't responsible for any debts he runs up in his own name, as you aren't married, but you will be for the unpaid rent... I hope your nice LL lets you pay it a lite bit at a time.

Now, does it occur to you that your exP is unemployed at the moment and working in the black economy precisely to avoid CSA assessment and attachment of earnings?

He's planned this, I fear, and means to let the state raise your children. 😥

He was fired from his old place of work 5 weeks ago, rent was paid (so I was told) for that period with his last wages payment.

He claimed to have got an interview for somewhere else the other day. Went down with his passport etc. Said it went well. Following day said he heard from them and that he has the job. Told me he was due to start there Friday.

I don't know what to believe now

22 month old disabled toddler and a baby of almost 6 months old. He is the definition of fucking evil

I also haven't been able to find my keys for the past 3 or 4 days, the only pair here is his which we were sharing use of.

How thinking he has took my keys so he can gain access to the flat when am not here to take his stuff.

Have you reached out to your ex's family? Told them the truth? Shame him. Dont let him walk away freely.

You could also agree a rent arrears repayment for your half of the debt and tell LL to sue Ex for the rest?

You got this. You never needed him. You were doing great before him and you will be now the lying, cheating leech is off you.

Take deep breaths and make action plans. List off what needs to be done and sell anything of your ex's that you can! He left owing you money, you take back what you can from his toys and any designer gear.

Good luck and I cant wait for your update a few months down the line about how great you are doing but sadsack is living with his Dad pouting that hes got no one and nothing.

Sorry to hear this op. What an absolute wank stain he is. I don’t know how he can live with himself leaving you and his own dc in the shit.

You can do this. You’re already doing this. Just keep on taking each day as it comes.

You and your dc deserve so much better than this. Just take all the support you can get and you will make it through to the other side

Change the locks! Your instincts are bang on. Dont let him take stuff while you are out. He will go for the telly etc.

The only thing of value he has is the Xbox and that's not worth much.

Definitely sure he's taken my keys to get back in here to get his stupid console when I'm out.

Things just keep clicking into place.

Him taking his passport out the other day saying he needed it for the interview. That was him taking his important stuff out, preparing to leave.

The bag of work clothes undoubtedly had his important belongings underneath. Birth certificate. Paper work etc.

He has just text me saying he's going to be at his "dads" tonight but he will come round and speak to me tomorrow after "work"

"Work" being the alleged cash in hand bullshit that I doubt even exists now.

Wow just wow.

You need to get new locks fitted.

The saftey of the flat is now upto you and you don't have keys.

That's aside from needing to scupper his plans.

He's an utter, utter wanker. A total shit. Good riddance and all that. Your landlord on the other hand sounds like a reasonable human being so don't panic just yet, keep in contact with him, and work with him to come up with a plan on the arrears. Change the locks, for sure. Damn right shame him to his family. Let his parents, friends, siblings all know what a shitty thing he's done to you and the kids.

Speak to citizens advice about the rent arrears too, and about what else you might be entitled to. There are all sorts of benefits, crisis loan type things and other bits and bobs out there, you have to know where to look for them though. Get a claim into CMS as soon as you can. Make sure you're getting the full entitlement for your kids as well, based on you being single now, you'll need to update tax credits, child benefit, do you get DLA for the toddler? If not, have a look at whether you're entitled to it.

Channel your anger into moving out of this shitty phase of your life and into the next one where you will be able to look back knowing you survived this and came out stronger. Your kids have you and they will have everything they need with you. You can do this.

Can you go out of another door, use a back door and leave the latch on the front.

You tube your door lock. Very easy to change the barrel but you'll have to let your landlord know.

Hide the console, petty I know but better £50 quid in your pocket. His games might be worth something too I would get down to a CEX or Game shop and they buy them off you. He's a selfish bastard and I'm sure in a year's time you'll look back and be relieved it all came to an end. To do it like this though...pathetic waste of skin!!

Oh dear.
What a complete waste of a human he is!
First, a deep breath and a cuppa! Then let the anger fire you! Call the landlord and tell him the keys are lost and as you feel unsafe you need to replace the lock/keys, does he mind if you do it? ( it’s quicker and your lol won’t have a set to hand over to dickhead! Until the tenancy agreement is changed to your name only! ) start to think like him, act like him.
I personally tried to act decently, but every time he didn’t and I would be paying, so no more! I respond to him as he would every time!
Do it for you and your kids.
Ask for an emergency advance from UC get sorted.
If he wants to believe his own lies let him, I know this part is hard, but you have already won! He’s gone!
Head held high, what an amazing woman you are 🦸‍♀️❤️

Things will get better op. You are doing really well. In due course he can take dc for a day or two to give you a break. Stay strong, you will get through this

Landlord has just called me again, he's being really supportive. Telling me to be strong and not to worry, that I'll get through this and he will help me as best he can. He said I need to look at this as a blessing, I've got rid of a weak man with behavioural issues. That was his words.

Bless him. I didn't expect that kind of response. I wouldn't have blamed him for being furious with me as I am with ExP.

I'm making my claim for UC and am getting a tenancy in just my name.

I've spoken to the dickheads friend who got him the new job. Friend says It is true, he will be starting there Friday. I've relayed this to landlord so he can pursue him for at least part of those arrears.

I haven't fired off to ExP through text any further. The last thing he said was that he was coming here tomorrow after work. I'll believe that if I see it. Like fuck he will show his face now he knows he has been exposed.