Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

I remember your previous threads, he's an absolute shit and you are well rid of him

Yes I've wrote a few threads about him before this one, different usernames (ashamed really, should have stood up for myself alot sooner)

The reason I haven't caved and let him back in is because he has devalued me to such a extent I now know for absolute certain there's no going back. He could never get to a place of respecting me now, never. Not from this. Not only has he showed me that he's not in the slightest bit sorry, he's also made it crystal clear that he has nothing but contempt for me. All of his supposed remorse and regret has been rubbished completely.

If I let him back now I'm just giving him an opportunity to hurt me again, because I know he will. What little faith I had left in him is gone.

This way I get to keep a segment of self respect I suppose.

Still haven't managed to eat anything, attempted a crumpet earlier and couldn't get past a mouthful. I'll force myself to get breakfast in the morning.

Laid in bed now contemplating whether I'm going to my appointment or not. My mind is going ten to the dozen so I probably should, if I see anybody it should be my therapist right.

Thank you all again for the support. It means alot.

Yes he's treated you appallingly, he's been a useless husband and parent, he was dreadful over your child's birth and your illness. I'm so glad you are getting treatment and councelling for what you went through and you are so right to get him to stay away. You will be so much better off without him.

I am amazed at your strength. I know all too well how you're feeling right now. It is honestly one of the worst things a person can go through. You should be so proud of yourself for how you are handling the situation. Keep going - you're carving a better future for you and your children.

Strong lady, you really do deserve better and he won't expect you to not cave in ! Hats off to you xxx

Hope you're ok this morning. Sorry your partner turned out to be such a cunt, you're well shot of him.

Agree with everyone else hes still sleeping with her. Op be kind to yourself have you someone in real life to talk to, help you x

I've sent a message to my landlord asking for a change of tenancy and said the relationship has declined to an extent where it's no longer feasible for us both to remain under the same roof and I would appreciate if he would consider drawing up a new one, for just me. Happy to discuss more when he has some time to call.

He's still away at the minute as he hasn't been active on W.A but when he responds I'll update the thread. Wish me luck

Yes definitely go to your therapist today. Speaking to someone in real life will help strengthen your resolve, I think. You’re doing so well already, you’re more than capable of getting yourself through this 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

I would also go and see your therapist today as well.

Good luck OP, you're being proactive. You've seen him for what he is and in time you and your children will be a lot happier.

Please go to your therapist today, it will help getting everything off your chest and staying strong ! Xx

I'm on my way to my therapists appointment now guys, 11.30

Go to your appointment, it will do you good

Good girl 💕💕💕💕

Good luck! You are amazing and strong, you and your kids will be so much better without him

Stay strong OP. You're worth more then this shit.

I've been where you are

A judge would not sign an eviction order just because you are now on HB as long as the rent is paid.
Universal credit will be best as that will include the rental element too
You would not be expected to work
The CMS from him is not counted for UC purposes, only money over and above ( ie spousal ) would be counted but as you are not married, there is no power to claim that
Hope it works out x

How did your appointment go op?

I'm still here reading the replies you lovely bunch, thank you

Appointment went ok. We deferred the EMDR for a couple of weeks whilst I get everything sorted at home, but we had a good chat. Therapist suggested something called Relate which is couples counselling but I don't see any point in that. He wouldn't have agreed to it and I haven't the time or money for it. It's gone beyond that now. I said as much then she said in that case she thinks I'm doing the right thing in putting myself first

Well done OP - you are doing the right thing putting yourself first.

I had to learn it with an ex - whilst he was out having fun and doing whatever, I was sat at home anxious and upset. Why should he have fun and have that much control over me? Same with yours - take back control over you and your emotions!

Good luck

Hi there OP - I've just been catching up from yesterday.

You're very strong and you know now for sure that he isn't worth a moment of your time or energy.

Concentrate on the DC and getting help for your PND.

So glad you've contacted the landlord. You must be exhausted. I hope you've managed to eat something.

Is your DM still there?

Sending love to you.

You go girl!
Watch him weep when he realises what he lost! 🤪

Well done op. He's a giant cockwomble. His ow and he deserve each other - you will move on, whereas he'll always be the piece of cheating shit he is and you'll be free of him, not having to constantly worry where he is or how has gaslighting you.

Are you okay OP?

@3ll3nor

How are you this evening?

I hope your partner has responded and you know where you are now?

We're all still here and ready to give support when and if you need it.

You're in a terrible position here and I hope the landlord has replied favourably.

Can you give us a quick update to let us know how you are - if you have time and want to, of course.

Many of us have been in your position. I was myself and threw my Ex-DH out when I discovered his infidelity.

It was the last straw for me and it was the right decision.

Fast forward several months and I met my present DH who is so different.

I don't mean that you should be actively looking for a new husband - I just mean that there is always hope that there can be a new, good relationship in the future if that is what you want.

Please know that we are all worried about you and ready to help if you would like us to.