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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

385 replies

3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 13:31

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

OP posts:
3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 19:36

I've had the opportunity to cheat on him, before I lost myself. I've had people show interest in me and told them in no uncertain terms, not interested.

I wish I had done now, knowing what I do now, but fortunately for him I'm not that type of person

OP posts:
TwiddleMuff · 20/10/2019 19:36

God he really is thick isn’t he?

Stay strong OP. You’ve got this.

3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 19:37

I can't believe I didn't piece the parts together before today, the inconsistencies with the cash in hand work. I actually trusted him with that. Big mistake

Wow what a scheming little piece of shit he really is.

OP posts:
3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 19:39

He is as thick as two short planks yes, not one promising brain cell floating about in his head.

How dare he.

OP posts:
Stuckinanutshell · 20/10/2019 19:47

OP I just had to comment especially when I read that you were worried about going it alone.

You are alone. He has isolated you in your own home. He has emotionally disconnected from you. He has checked out. So embrace it - as you’re now doing. Fucking chuck him out. Take control.

YOU CAN DO THIS. You were alone when you were with him but now you’re going to enter a world of support and empathy. Not only groups like MUMSNET but the vast amount of single mother groups etc.

I’m a single mother and it’s scary at first but I wouldn’t have it any other way now - sincerely.

I would rather be rocking it as a single mother than being in a relationship where I’m disrespected.

You’ve got this. Welcome to a better quality of life. You’ve just cut out the cancer that’s been sickening you.

Well done. Look forward to a future on your own terms.

PSILoveWine · 20/10/2019 19:49

Keep that anger there OP don't believe a word he says if he comes to the door! Do not let him guilt trip you.

MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA · 20/10/2019 19:53

Oh op, he is an absolute arse. I really hope you get the tenancy changed ASAP and claim UC so you can be free of this wanker

NaviSprite · 20/10/2019 19:57

I wish I could be there in person OP but as a PP said, you are not alone, we may only be a virtual community but we’re here (for all the comfort that brings) keep that righteous anger going and stay strong.

cheeseislife8 · 20/10/2019 19:59

OP I'm so sorry! I really hope he doesn't try to come back tonight. You're being incredibly strong, use that anger for strength. What a knob he is!

TryingToBeBold · 20/10/2019 20:07

Dont let him back.. speak to your landlord asap and apply for Universal Credit tonight. Get the ball rolling

anotherday4 · 20/10/2019 20:07

Sending hugs to you, as a person who suffers badly with anxiety I can feel how you are my lovely x you have out support on here x angry is good he diesntbfesevrr your tears

anotherday4 · 20/10/2019 20:07

Our**

Sadiesnakes · 20/10/2019 20:37

Everything fizzy says.

3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 20:51

Thank you all for the support, he hasn't come round.

I have an EMDR appointment tomorrow morning, god knows how I'll manage that now. I don't think I'll be in the right mindset. Will have to cancel or postpone.

Babies unsettled, I'm still sat in shock. Trying to get her to sleep whilst fighting back tears. What a bloody mess.

OP posts:
anotherday4 · 20/10/2019 21:19

Have you got your mum with you ?

ChristinaMarlowe · 20/10/2019 21:20

So sorry you're going through this, OP. Thank goodness you have your Mum to support you. Stay strong - you will get through the nightmare few months and out the other side to finding yourself again and being truly happy. Thanks

poopofprettycolours · 20/10/2019 21:29

get a good night's sleep, as best you can. You need your strength. Don't beat yourself up for being a mug. You were trusting. He's the abuser in all of this, the adulterer, the liar, the duplicitous, twisty, callous and cruel piece of shit.

I think you're showing amazing perception and insight - a late processer of information (I'm the same) but nothing wrong with your mental faculties or logical deduction (with respect to his behaviour and his motivations).

Stay strong. One day your kids will tell you how proud they are that you're their mother. This great, strong lady who brought them up to have good hearts, morals and love.

Piece of shit will end up down the sewer with his own kind, not that it's any consolation right now.

I hope you get lots of support and things work out. Your mum sounds just the kind of person to have on your side.

Let us all know how it pans out. Thinking of you and sending hugs.
Take care and keep strong.

3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 21:34

DM is with me for the night yes she's going to stay. Very thankful to have the company.

He has text me saying he has been at his friends house (somebody he has only ever mentioned a handful of times all of the years we've been together) and then been with his 'dad'

Telling more lies about my character no doubt.

So only after being told to stay away can he muster the inclination to tell me where he's been. I don't buy it, by the way. He is full of complete shit.

I know exactly where he has been and he knows it. He is panicking now because he hasn't been allowed to waltz back in when he finished doing his dirty business.

Disgusting creature.

OP posts:
3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 21:40

Baby has gone to sleep finally. I've ran myself a bath to try and relax. Who am i kidding? Meh. Luckily I have some sominex in the cupboard so ill take one of those in hope of getting at least some sleep tonight

OP posts:
anotherday4 · 20/10/2019 21:48

Good girl, don't let him think he can walk all over you. He can't! Stay strong your doing so well x a bath will help get some nice clean jarmies on and try sleep x

holidayhelpp · 20/10/2019 22:15

Sorry he’s so awful Sad

Perpetuallyperplexed27 · 20/10/2019 22:28

Just had to say well done op. LTB is thrown around a lot here but it takes real strength to do what you've done today. Stick to your guns now - you can and will do so much better.

HelloAgainYou · 20/10/2019 22:39

Really hope you're okay tonight OP and get some rest xx

user1486131602 · 20/10/2019 22:43

Wow! What a strong amazing woman you are!
As a policeman once told me, because of the joint names you are not allowed to lock him out, but if you forget to take the key out of the lock he won’t be able to get in!
I’m sure that the landlord, if he wants you out, would have to go the right route to evict you, check your agreement for the details.
The council will have to house you with kids being so young! You can get CMA that does not count towards any benefit calculation, start on that first, it can take weeks to come thru and they do not backdate.
You should also enlist the help of your midwife, they often have access to things we don’t!
You are well rid of the narcissistic pig.
You and your kids will be fine, your spirit and dignity prove that, keep your Head held high .
God bless

ProseccoIsTheAnswerHere · 20/10/2019 22:44

My heart broke for you reading this. Keep the anger burning. He can fuck right off. Piece of work.

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