Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

I've text my landlord and asked him to call me at his earliest convenience. I want to let him know what's going on before that idiot gets chance to rewrite history with him too.

Plan is apply for universal credit. I just need to speak to landlord before I do anything.

No he can't just waltz back in after leaving you upset and with small DC all fucking day.

DM still here yes, she's saying if he turns up she's going to tell him to sling his hook. She's mid 60's but has a sharp tongue and would think nothing of telling him what he is.

Don't know how to deal with him if he turns up. I thought he had gone for good. 4 bin bags full of his stuff packed up, his games console boxed up etc.

This is shit it really is but you've borne two children and survived sepsis-this insignificant sonofabitch is going to be a bad memory to you one day! I am rooting for you way over here and I know you are strong and you and your babies will be much better off without him! The fact he was crying for himself made me want to say "Do you want something to cry about?!" in my mean mom voice!

Apply now for UC, the sooner the better. You can get an advance to use for rent and food.

Apply here www.gov.uk/universal-credit/how-to-claim

Hope you feel better soon, try to eat, it will make you feel better, even just soup.

I'm the same age as your DM and would do similar under these circumstances. Normally I never intefere in my adult DC lives, but in a case like this I'd make an exception!

Stay strong. You are worth so much more than this x

Just a bit extra on UC and the waiting period for first payment.

If you have never applied before the application process is pretty quick, six days after application I was asked to book my meeting with the local Jobcentre to meet with the UC representative, went to the appointment three days later and completed to process and at that time I was advised that I was eligible for an advance of an amount up to the maximum award allocated to my account to help with any immediate/emergency priority bills that needed sorting. So I managed to cover my rent that month with the advance.

Repayment of the advance I chose to split over 12 months and they automatically deduce the amount per month (no additional fees or interest added, you repay exactly what you borrow).

I’m not proud for relying on UC and I know not everybody has as smooth an application process (from what I’ve read in the news anyway) but I just wanted to say that, for me it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared it would be.

Good luck with the Landlord OP and is it possible for you to lock him out? Or would that possibly add to your stresses if he’s the type that might cause a scene on the street?

If course I meant lock the cowardly bastard out - not the Landlord (should have proof read!)

I could lock him out yes, the only problem with that is I don't want him causing a scene we're on a street level flat and the front door is right next to my eldests room.

No sign of him yet so what I'm going to do now is respond to the text saying he needs to make other arrangements for tonight because I'm not having him back in here after what he's done to me today and I'm in no mood to argue with him. DC now in bed.

I hope he does the decent thing and goes to his parents.

Obviously this doesn't sort it long term but if he plays ball will give me the night to process things, spend some time with my DM and get my thoughts in order.

If he returns now and I let him in we're going to argue because there's no way he's getting away with what he's done today then strolling back in to home comforts and having me lay down and accept it for a second time with no repercussions.

He hasn't seen for himself what state I've been in today and I don't want him to.

That raised my first smile today

is there any way of locking the landlord out

Couldn't imagine my landlord causing a scene but could imagine his bewilderment upon finding himself locked out. He's a very nice man

Maybe try calling 101 for some advice so you stay in the right if he does turn up? Won't hurt, even if they are unhelpful then at least you've notified them and are no less informed than present?

And my correction had If at the beginning instead of Of - gah! Typing too fast.

Absolutely he has no right to waltz back in after the shit he’s pulled today and I totally get you not wanting the prick to cause a scene outside, my ex used to do this a lot (he was a grade A coward and dickhead as well!).

Yes, poor Landlord would probably be very perplexed if he got locked out

Stay strong

I've sent the text asking him not to come here tonight. No sign yet. Hoping he abides by that. I really don't have the strength to deal with him, but I know I won't be able to hold back if he did turn up lying out his backside. A big argument is inevitable.

Fingers crossed he does the right thing for once

Oh OP, he's foul for putting you through this. He's been deliberately ambiguous in his texts so he can manipulate you later ('yes' as a full reply, knowing there were so many ways you could take that), but you've taken charge of the situation and that shows your power and strength. He's proper lowest of the low. I'm so glad your DM is there, she sounds badass and exactly what you need. You absolutely must look after yourself, you're definitely strong enough to stand up to him and show him you won't be emotionally pushed around anymore.

OP this is horrible! Please stay strong and do not let him in the house tonight.

I've just clicked on to something else.

So he has been between jobs for the past 5 weeks, before getting this new job.

He has been doing some cash in hand work for an old friend, helping with removals.

He would leave at 7.30am and get back at 7.30pm. Apparently only doing one job per day.

Some strange comments about having to wait around for hours for the clients to do something with their keys. Drop off or pick up. I can't remember.

I thought nothing of it, until twice he returned with no money.

One time returns with 30 pounds. Said it was a tip and he gets the cash in hand wage on Friday.

Questioned why he hadn't been paid, he said removals boss pays everyone Fridays, yet he had been paid cash in hand on the day before, and those times were not Fridays.

He has clearly been using this time 'working' to go round to her place.

Fucking bastard.

That's what he has been doing. Sussed him.

OP, unbox his games console and give it a few whacks with a hammer. Or drop it onto a hard floor a couple of times. Not to cause any external damage, just enough to hopefully knock a few internals out of place and render it unusable.

He may come back begging, after having seen you display the strength that you’ve displayed and having realised that him leaving is now not just on his terms.

Oh and just before I caught him cheating the last time, the excuse he gave for being awol for hours was that he had lost his keys and was looking back where he has been that day to try and find them.

The thick shit isn't even clever enough to come up with something original.

Oh wow it's all coming together now. Absolutely furious

OP, unbox his games console and give it a few whacks with a hammer. Or drop it onto a hard floor a couple of times. Not to cause any external damage, just enough to hopefully knock a few internals out of place and render it unusable.

Or just accidentally drop it out of a window.. You know quite high up..

My ex cheated. I forgave him. If I so much as looked at him funny for behaving in a suspicious Or inappropriate way at all after that, he would turn it round on me so I was being unfair and kept dredging up the past and he was the victim. It’s no way to live. It really does destroy you and any love and respect you have for them. And the dirty bastard cheated again.

Just seen it’s moved on sorry OP. Ugh these fuckers are so predictable